We've broken through many boundries. We don't have many frontiers left. 'Cept maybe the deep ocean, and deep space. You get my point. There's a few- but- the most fascinating is the frontier of the mind. That's where I've been. All my life. Sad really. But. Whatever.

15 years ago I told the doctors their anit-depressants don't work. And the side-effects are real. I realized then, that the short term benefits were not as a result from taking medication, but came from focusing "professional" attention on problem. The "talking".

I knew people were being fooled into thinking the pills work. It's the placebo effect.

Then I found the studies. The studies that started studying the studies. The drug companies cherry pick their results. If an independant researcher fudged the data as much, they would be discredited, and they may be guilty of fraud. But for corporations, there seems to be different rules.

I quit smoking recently. I feel as if I could kill from a cigarette. That's figurative. In case anyone worries.

If you're wondering why I'm ranting again. It's because of 60 Minutes last night. They shone a light on the placebo effect.

Close your eyes so you can try and imagine this next number. 11 Billion Dollars. That's just in the USA. This "mistake". I'm calling it a mistake because that's the most diplomatic thing I can say about it. This mistake, over the years, has swelled the drug companies coffiers by trillions of dollars over decades. Hell, I'm just going to throw a number out there. It's just a number, but I know it's damned close to being true. I bet the drug companies have taken in about 14 trillion dollars over the years. About the equivelant of the American Debt. I'm not going to show my work. You'll just have to trust me. This mistake- has misplaced -14 trillions of your money. Instead of research that really works, we're pissed billions of dollars of powerful medications down the toliet and into the watershed. Hope the stuff works on fish. Combined with the estrogen, we're going to have funky fish.

If that money was redirect into productive research, lives could have been saved. I don't have the data to back up this claim either. I just know it's true. From the deepest spot in my soul, I can say with all conviction, they almost killed me.

Several times. Others have been so lucky, or rather, stubborn.

What is the most powerful thing on this planet?

The will to survive.

Tust me. Even if you rebel against it completely, it will be there until that last moment. Fighting.

It's been 143 hours.
127 hours really isn't that long a time to be trapped. Won't have a cigarette.
Want a cigarette. No.
At least I haven't chewed off my own face yet.

Do you want to know why I'm really upset? It's because the doctors still want me to try more meds. I hate them. I love them. They are trying to help me. They have faith. A faith I don't share with them. I have experience.

I am not a professed Christian. But I often wonder, what would Jesus think?
Jesus had to love the fools. Even as they tortured him. Because, he knew. He knew that they did not know. They did not know what they were doing to themselves. In the eyes of God. In history's view. They did not know.

Okay. Now to keep score on my "predictions". I give up on trying to figure out the GOP race. I'll defer to David Brooks, the Republican I can listen to without getting angry. Romney. So, a big X as a pundit for the GOP.

I'm still wondering what's up with the European Banks. I think there was an attack. But, they repelled it for the most part. Except, in Greece. If you look at Greece, you begin to wonder about a collapse. It's obvious that the Greek society has collapsed within Europe. So. It's not a big leap.

I get a big check mark for being right about Iran. They've jumped into the oil market but not by blockade. Which is good for them, because a blockade is an act of war and they couldn't actually do it. The threat was what counted. Instead, they've screwed around with oil prices by sending an shock through markets. Timing is important because European stocks are really low due to a cold winter. Why would the Iranians wait until France and England found other sources. No.

Today, here in Northern Ontario, it is about -6 C. A normal late winter day. But it hasn't been a normal winter. Not here. Not anywhere really. It's either been warmer than normal. Or like Europe, you've had a severe winter. Something has changed.

Puterman. You are wrong. You except the world may be warming. But you discount the human contribution.
Regardless, it's happening.

Today, is the last real day of winter here. Why do I say that? Because tomorrow, mother nature will flip a switch and we will be in a virtual heat wave. The next two weeks are forecasted to be well above normal. The night time low will be hovering around the average day time highs.

I haven't had a cigerette in 24 days. I've suffered through one of the worst years in my life. Over the last two weeks I endured thoughts of suicide. It was as if I was being attacked by bees. I didn't want these thoughts and swatted them away as fast as I could. I hit my low point. I question everything in my life, and everything in my world. I have come through the worst. I am now reset and will try again.

No one has failed as much as I and kept getting up. I am as dumb and as stubborn as Rocky. Rocks in my head.

So, I am not a timid lamb and do not shrink at horrible things. But when I think about the future and how fast it is changing, I shudder and hope my worst imagings are not realized.

The change is happening. And it's happening faster than thought.
You'll never see stranger days. Than those that have yet to come.

"You're going to need a bigger air conditioner."

Thank golly gee the man had a big bag of pills for me. These one work but they are not for the weak.

If i hadn't meet the man with the bag then I'd surely be more despondent. Rough parting last evening. So sad.

But that aside, I'm eff-fuucking mad at the world, god, guns, my father, myself and that every was and all theat will every be. This eff-fuucking weather is making me angry. So furiously angry. And most of the bobbing heads are licking it up and rejoicing. I am not. I must be the most fericious mysangthropist in the world. I hate you all. What the hell are you doing? I just lost 8 weeks of winter somewhere and I live in the eff-fuucking artic. It ruined the trip I had planned with my son. Someday soon I'm fearing having to return to the belly of the boiling beast. I love it here. I don't want to go. eff-Fuuck. I"m buying a ticket to hell. Or live in a purgatory full of pins and needles.

You damned fools. I told you. My ex saw before her eyes all that I had been saying was true. There was no doubt I was not wrong and foolish. I could see the future and that's why we were here. She wants to go live in the burning valley. Because it's go a hot tub.
I want the cold water.

The fresh air.

And the need for no air conditioning.
# the air conditioning.

eff-fuuck you all.

looks like the next ten years are war.
thanfully i took the training,.

you can have ethics during peace time
but not when warring

I saw a butterfly flutterby. It should be too cold.
I saw a leaf spring free a onced buried pile, and escape with the wind.

The dripping's stopped. Even the gutter's emptining into the alley's have ceased.
It's actually quiet. No melt left. The ice on the water's don't drip as much as off the eaves of the houses.
The only thing you hear is the tap and the washers. Hardly traffic really. Not yet. But soon.

It's done. The switch flipped. Time leaped over all of us. Now we're behind. All the while we thought we were ahead.
No.
The world's upside down now. We're in it deep now and there's no sense wasting you denial breath on me.
Don't worry about me. I'll come up dirty just like the last mammels that out survived the big dinos. Save those birds. Save, those damned beautiful birds. The geese are back. The frost is almost out of the gardens and were really not supposed to plant for over a month yet. And that's just the super hardy stuff. May 24 is a long way away.

World's gone mad I told ya.

This ain't March 24. It ain't the 20th til tomorrow. The first day of spring. Damn daylight savings time and leap year put us a couple of months ahead instead. Wait the hell time is it again? Nap time.

I give it a week before I hear the first mowers.
Knowing that, I'll enjoy the silence a little more.
A big stupid loud fly flew through my room.
I thought I heard him again. And worried he's coming back. Should put the screens on.
I thinks he's gone.

It has been in the 80's all week here in northern Kentucky.
Everything is blooming,airconditioner is on and I mowed my weeds down this weekend.
At least a month early maybe two.
Tomorrow is suppose to hit 87.
This is normal 300 mile south of me.
It's summertime before spring.

I'm still beating myself up for calling the market bust. What I will say is that I am amazed by the strength of the Europeans. They didn't fold. But, this has caused divisions.

I haven't been reading much. But if I was, I'd bet someone has already blamed the upside down winter on the BP oil spill. You can't call it a winter that wasn't, because some places got winter times two. I think the AO high pressure was due to oil not allowing as much evaporation and changed the jet stream. Somebody today was suggesting is was an albido effect due to the tsunami and all the junk in the Pacific. The radio announcer wasn't sure if the originating story out of Chicago was a joke or not.

Wisconsin. The weirdness continues. There will be a Great Eastern Swarm, and it will be soon. Booms and groans from all parts. Windsor hum? Swarm earthquakes due to injection. Ohio. WTF? They've stopped now though. Proof again.

In Wisconsin, a geologist suspects the water table is low and settling. But it is nothing compared to the tapped-out water table under Texas. I think the key to the whole disaster is Texas. They've been sucking out fluids from those lands for a good hundred years now. They're squeezing and blowing up every hole fracking every drop and gasp of gas out of those wells. Now, they've suck the aquifer dry. Or, at least nearly dry. They've done something screwy to the land and the crust. Don't forget the nieghbours. Okie and Arkie. It's the shifting and settling that will be the undoing. Reservoirs empty. Less mass. Less stress. Adjustments.

On a geologic scale, these adjustments are like a deer shaking to rid itself of the biting flies. But to us, more specifically to the people that live there, it will be life altering. Sorry.

What do I know? I got Texas on the brain?
What do I know? I thought Perry was a shoe in.

oops

Today is a good day to give man hugs when you get a gusher. I'm not talking about manlove that most conservatives would disapprove of. You know. When the oil boys in the old days danced around all covered in oil.

The US Government is beholden to the oil industry. The richest in our society is on welfare. Yet, the common person is taught to have disdain for those on social assistance and believe the poor are parasites. Obama and the Dems are saying the subsidies should end. But they won't.

B vitamins. Try them. Get a sublingual B12 and try it. I take 3000 MCG a day and also B's. I promise they will help. Anti-depressants almost killed me because I wanted to kill myself after one week on them. I got off them and turned heavily to vitamins and good healthy eating.