posted on Apr, 12 2010 @ 03:50 PM
I'm going to try and describe how I've been feeling this week too.
Firstly, I often make small talk with "God" in my head, you know....just chat rubbish or ask "hmm, do you think I did the right thing there?" or
say "ah thanks for that, I really appreciate it" blablabla....I've been doing this since I can remember. The other night however, for the first
time in my life - I had this overwhelming feeling of intense fear, because I felt nothing but anger from the "God" in my head - like He wasn't
happy and it was about time we all paid for our sins. I had to quickly think about something else. I was shocked because I've always had this image
in my head that "God" is kind, has a sense of humour and wouldn't hurt a fly - well not anymore. I'm scared now and I feel like I've got a lot of
making up to do for my sins. I feel like we're all in trouble. BIG trouble.
Secondly, whatever was there in my head, in my personality or whatever, which helped me to keep on going and keep on making the right decisions and
doing good for myself and everyone else around me - it's gone. My main feeling whenever I do something now is "what's the point? it won't matter
to you soon". Sounds morbid but I'm not scared. I feel like "it", whatever it may be, is out of our hands now and it's out of our control. Like,
we've had our chance and now we have to sit back and wait for our destiny, if that makes sense?
Seriously, I feel like "God" has had enough. I feel like he's trying desperately to make us all aware that He is not a happy man right now.
Just to verify, I don't know what I am religion wise. I don't go to church, I don't read the Bible, I just don't know. But I seem to believe in a
God of some kind.
Oh, and it's creeping me out that the birds seem to be going nuts in the middle of the night. It's been happening every night for the past 4 or 5
days now. Last time I ever heard birds singing in the middle of the night was when there was an earthquake. It feel ominous and I don't like it.
Been having very strange dreams too. Always have very vivid dreams, but these ones are different and I've had 3 lucid dreams in 1 week which is not
normal for me.
I don't know what's happening but I know this is it now. What's done is done and I'm just waiting. I'm on my own with a 6 month old son and I'm
not scared for either of us because I have faith that justice will be done and the outcome will be good. In the meantime I just don't know what to do