posted on May, 27 2010 @ 02:46 PM
Thought I'd share another key aspect of the more surreal and terrifying events that occurred when I was a bit younger. This is one of those things
that I didn't really want to confront before, and even now, the potential meaning of the event scares the living **** out of me.
Bit of background to the event:
I was in hostels aged around 17/18. I was being kicked from place to place for minor reasons bordering on the ridiculous (such as being unable, for
two weeks, to pay the £22 per week service charge - as a result of delays in claiming a benefit I was entitled to).
Anyway, eventually (after three stays at three different hostels, each span ending for equally silly reasons beyond my control), I was put in a bail
hostel. Effectively a halfway house for violent adult criminals and sex offenders who had just been released from prison. Certainly not the place
that a mentally anxious and vulnerable young man should be dispensed to by a local authority with a duty of care.
Various events took place in the hostel; none of which were pleasant. Assault, theft, incitement to criminal activity, incitement to hard drug use -
mental abuse in the form of deliberate fear-inducement being employed by other tenants 'for fun'.
One night, while suffering the effects of a combination of 'delusional' and real fears caused by various events, I eventually managed to get to
sleep. I awoke early in the morning - around 4am. I sensed a presence in the room with me; a female presence, though there was no-one visible. I
tried to move, but was under a form of hypnopompic paralysis. The room around me was blurred to my vision, but as with a former 'out of body'
experience, I was very much conscious of the fact that I was not dreaming in the normal sense.
The female figure lay down on top of my paralysed form. At first, it seemed quite 'arousing', and there was a dark sensuality about her presence.
She leaned in to kiss me, and my response was to kiss back (naturally red-blooded man that I am). Despite the fact that the experience was completely
surreal, I was in full charge of my mental faculties. As the kiss tool place, an entirely unexpected thing occurred. A ball of jelly-like material
was passed from her mouth to mine. It felt like what I imagine the texture of 'frogspawn' would feel like if one were odd enough to want to ingest
it, but was about the size of a golf ball.
The moment that the 'thing' had gone into my mouth, it made its way down my throat - how, I don't know - it seemed somehow self-propelled.
As soon as that had occurred, the presence vanished, the room cleared in my vision and I transitioned to full control of my body within seconds. I
was obviously shocked, scared, and very confused about what had just happened. I tried to shake off the experience as some kind of dream, but was
confident that something very real had just taken place.
The next day, things got worse. I started to experience strong pains in my stomach - accompanied by a movement, akin to that of a wriggling
worm or snake (the sensation was equivalent to the movements such creatures make when they are observed in ordinary environments). To explain the
pain, it was of a similar intensity to the pain I experienced the following summer when I suffered pancreatitis due to over-consumption of alcohol.
To those who have no idea what that feels like, it literally stops you from breathing - morphine is needed to prevent you from passing out due to
oxygen starvation. It makes you feel as though someone has jabbed a knife into your insides, and is pushing and twisting it about. I am not kidding
- the pain was beyond any other pain I have ever experienced. The movement sensations continued for weeks afterwards - accompanied on occasion
by visible movement under the surface of the skin at the front and sides of my abdomen.
A few days after the initial event, I started to fear that a living creature had been implanted into me. I was reading the local free newspaper, and
saw a cartoon which had a pigeon, looking very confused, and a speech bubble coming out from its stomach, saying 'hello..?' An hour or so later,
one of the key 'abusers' living in the hostel walked into the common sitting room I was in and said - "How're you feeling pigeon..?" His grin
was nothing short of demonic - I kid you not. He then laughed (manically) and said "It's beejebub".
Now what the **** does that mean..? I associated it at the time with the idea that each of us has a 'personal devil' ('be-e-jebub' sounds similar
Much later on (a year or so later) I was taken on a group outing to watch a new film that had been much-hyped by the industry and media. It was
called 'The Matrix'. And you'll understand that the scene wherein the agents implant the character Neo (Keanu Reeves) with a worm-like electronic
device, scared the living **** out of me.
Now, over time, I got used to the fact that there seemed to be some kind of creature/device living inside me. That can only be understood if you live
through such a thing for yourself. Intermittently, it has crippled me for up to an hour, preventing me from doing whatever I was doing; it's
impossible to try and explain to people that there's no point going to a hospital. Even now, ten years later, the damn thing still wakes me at
night, wriggling round in my abdomen, spiking my insides and causing the same intense and insufferable pain, visible movements observable under my
If anyone has heard of a precedent for such things, I would like to know about it. I have never told anyone of any of the things I've just covered
in this post.
To be honest, one of the most scary aspects of this experience is that once, years after, while reading the Bible, I came across the following passage
in the book of Isaiah (Old Testament), describing the fate that would befall those that had rebelled against God at the 'End of Time':
"And they will go out and look upon the dead bodies of those who rebelled against me; their worm will not die, nor will their fire be quenched, and
they will be loathsome to all mankind." (Isaiah 66:24)
Please help me out if you know anything about these things - it's scary stuff to live with.