Child Free and Proud! Why have kids?

reply to post by Revolution-2012


One of the mistakes people make who plan on having kids is that when they meet someone, they try to find the perfect partner for them, a lifetime partner. But just as important is how you two mesh as parents. Because if you have different styles, it can mesh badly. Most people think of someone to grow old with, you need someone who you can TRUST as a parent.

As for those who don't want kids, don't.

Many of you are not emotionally prepared. Just because you can have kids, doesn't mean you should. And yes, I can see where people pressure you. I am having an only child and people pressure for a second.

But most societies and cultures are about having children. You have strong sexual urges because nature intends you to breed. So it bucks the system a little when you choose not too.

But to act like children are nothing more then parasites is not realistic. It is the hardest, most selfless and rewarding thing you can do.

Nothing will ever make you find your true self, test you, push your limits, and make you understand the world in a whole new light then children. And you don't raise them for yourself, you raise them for society, to be someone else's love one day. That is a responsiblity you can't ever put down or put a price tag on.

Just like bad things happen, there are plenty of good people too. And someone raised them.

To claim that the world is not a good place to raise kids, quit the drama. It has never been better.
Especially living in the US, where my kid has access to an education, (as opposed to working in factories at 9, does the education system seem so bad?) And they are not losing one or two parents to unsafe working conditioins.
I don't have to leave him on the hillside if he has an imperfection. I have access to 24 hour medicine, he has toys and tons of arts adn crafts. I can take him to museums and zoos of my choice.

Originally posted by MMPI2
Why have kids? Three reasons....

1) It is a thumb in the eye of the environmental fascists, who want to "save the earth" from more pollution, waste, overcrowding;

2) Passing on my very superior genetic material;

3) So I will have somebody to play with.

I'd really, really hate to be a child born due to some parent's political agenda, narcisissistic view of the value of their own genes, or desire for a toy to amuse themselves with.

Where's the LOVE?

I very much doubt i will have kids, for some reasons listed on there and for the simple fact that it doesn't appeal to me. Of course i am also aware that such views may change in the future as im relatively young, if that's the case i will 100% be adopting, without a doubt. Too many kids without a family in the world yet many people still have a very primitive need to spread their genes if you will.

[edit on 15-4-2010 by Solomons]

Having children has made me less of a selfish person.

They have taught me a lot about life and have ignited a growth of my soul that I am pretty sure would not have happened if they weren't around.
Interacting with my kids has enabled me to see 'both sides of the coin' as opposed to just one.

Because of my daily interaction with these beings, I now have more respect and appreciation for my own parents, for what they did for both my sister and I as we grew into the adults we have now become.

Having kids is not for everyone, it's probably dependent on what stage your soul is at.

Some people are on the path of service to self, whilst some are on the path of service to others - both of which are different stages of the soul's journey.
There is no right or wrong path - only what is right or wrong for the soul in question.

I do not think that choosing to not have kids is a selfish act, it simply indicates that the soul in question is on the path of service to self, which is often interpreted as selfish-ness. Rather, it is indicative of the stage that they are at in this lifetime.

There is not much point in a person/people having children if they are not ready to do so. Unless they are on the path of service to others they will probably just end up miserable.

Hope I haven't offended anyone - it can be a heated subject!
My two cents.

A poem you may appreciate:

They # you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were #ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself

- Philip Larkin

I see a lot of words such as immaturity and hatred being thrown around, and they seem to be aimed in the direction of those of us who have chosen not to have children.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids- just because it's the traditionally expected thing to do doesn't mean that to choose otherwise is wrong. We all have our reasons, some different, some the same, but they are right *for us* because that's what we have decided.

Equally, if someone likes and wants kids, well good for them. That's their decision. If they are a loving, carent parent to a child then that was obviously the right decision for them.

But we're all different.

I find it slightly offensive that there seems to be a correlation between not liking kids and racial hatred - where the heck did that come from?

When I say I don't like kids, what I mean is I have absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. I don't hate them, and I don't fawn all over them either. They have no significance to me, kinda like a motorbike, for example (that was the only example I could think of ) - I'm just really not interested at all, they don't instill any emotions in me.

My husband feels exactly the same, and we're happy with our life choice. Why have something we're not interested in just because people expect us to? Wouldn't that be the worst reason in the world to have a child?

I fail to see how that amounts to hatred.

I also hate the 'hatred' that appears on ATS at times. Heck, we're all just trying to have a discussion about issues that we're interested in. No reason for anyone to get shot down just because they have a different opinion... wouldn't be much of a discussion otherwise, would it?

Some fantastic replies there - makes for interesting reading, particularly as myself and hubby often feel very "left out" as we have never wanted children (now 43 and 42 yrs old).

In fact, it would be interesting to know the ages of the people posting for this topic as I know viewpoints change hugely depending on age, lifestyle and life-stage. I've had friends be VERY against having kids until they met "the one" and then all their doubts went out the window.

For me (female/42) it has always been the case that I haven't wanted children - for purely self-centered reasons - I love my career, my freedom, my lie-ins, my personal life choices and actually find anything to do with pregnancy quite revolting.

One thing I've noticed - all those friends of mine who have kids are now getting to their early/mid-40's and having kids isn't quite the "wonderful" topic they used to discuss - now they're being sucked dry of money, time and emotions as their super-talented-best-ever-at-everything-little-darlings turn into ungrateful, driveling teenagers.

I have a few dogs, instead

Oh, and while I'm at it - we need a licence to keep a dog (at least here in NZ) - why not a licence to have kids - some people aren't fit to bring up the world's next generation.

I'd like to reply briefly to Verum Astrum first. A slight anomaly in the service to self / service to others soul path : Surely people without children could be deemed to be on the service to others path ? i.e. they have more time available to be of service to others ? Just a thought.

MoorNZ - snap ! female , 42 , married and childless through choice. I'm not even going to try and justify my reasons, just knew from a very young age it was not for me.

To anyone out there male or female who feels the same - follow your instinct, do not be pressured by peers and talk honestly with any future life partners about your non-breeding feelings .

This thread is right on as far as i am concerned. Any society where police and government can murder anyone they want without being prosecuted, is not a free society. All it takes is for people to make it all up and your life is ruined forever.

Just look at teh g20 in london, where that man was walking home not doing anything to anyone, and the policeman batters him with the truntion, and he is dead. The policeman gets away with it even though we saw it on tv and it was filmed.

Uk and usa are not free societies if police and government can do this.

Just look at the hillsborough disater in 1989 in english footie, and the police caused it, but where they prosecuted, no they where not.

Any society where police and government can do this and get away with it just because they are police and government, is why no one should ever even think about bringing people into this world.

Originally posted by (C2C)
reply to post by woodwardjnr

 

lol that video was horrible. Carbon imprints lol. Don't let them brainwash you too bad now! Oh humans are so bad for the environmnet, we better start exterminating them all its for the betterment of the world lmao. Its the system that is bad for the world! Not the humans! We could have a pollution free system! But guess what... that would mean way less control for TPTB!!


[edit on 2-4-2010 by (C2C)]

The key to our survival is QUALITY... not quantity. The only problem is... is that concept doesn't mesh well with capitalism... which depends on growth.

[edit on 16/4/2010 by My Home Town]

reply to post by MoorfNZ


my age is 23 but since i can remember i was never intereste in children even when my sister was born (there is 9 years between us) and every one including friends where cooing over her, i just wasnt bothered.
i didnt even like playing with dolls, even though my mother always brought me them.

and i agree about having a licence to have kids ive said that for a while.
yes there are some fantastic parents out there, two of my friends who had children young, 17 and 18 respectively (she got pregnant at 16) are amazing parents, butit is all the ever wanted and they both live for there kids, but there are some people who should really not have children.

Its really nice seeing this topic.. often i feel such view points are taboo in our society anymore.. it could just be me, but people often get offended when one talks about the reasons they do not like, want or enjoy children.. a lot of people get their feathers ruffled over it..
I was 19 when i got pregnant with my son.. it wasnt entirely accidental, but it wasnt completely planned either lol.. i had already been married a year at this point, and there was no option for us to not carry on with the pregnancy and go into parent hood..so we did.. now at 28 i cant imagine my life without my boy, before this though i vowed strictly to never have children.. i grew up with a number of neices and nephews and all of them drove me crazy.. I remember one day when i was 4-5 months pregnant, my best friend/brother type figure, asked me straight out why the hell would i want to bring a child into this F* up world.. i began to think about this, as i had no real answer to give him when he asked. What i came up with, is having a child at this point in time, can be a positive thing if the parents do everything possible to raise a decent human being, as the world is so lacking in what i call 'real' people these days, it would be good to raise a proper boy into a proper man.. time can only tell if this works of course, but so far so good here..
I have been in a position the past few weeks now of watching a friend of mines children, a 1 year old boy and a 4 year old boy.. and wow am i glad i did get the chance to look after them for far too long, it made me clearly realize without an inkling of doubt that i will not ever.. ever being having another one!! I understand that children for some people enrich their lives and they choose to have 2 or 3 sprogs.. usually the people who have children for that reason tend to at least raise them as opposed to the parents that have 4, 5, 6 + children just for the government money and a bigger government house.. who, from experience has shown me those kids arent at all raised by the parents, and its left to the government sponsored education systems, and government regulated television programming to raise the kids..we can all see how well thats NOT working out!
On the topic of population controls, imo (choosing to have kids either not at all, or at such high rates), is exactly what i feel this planet needs.. yes the earth can hold many more people, but damn it that doesnt mean it should!
Thank you OP for posting this, excellent thread..

I fully respect everyone's right to choice. I was one of those young people who really was not thinking about having kids. I wanted to enjoy MY LIFE for ME.

I now look back, and see, I was alot more selfish of a person, before I had children.

I did not plan my first 2 babies. The first was a deprovera baby (the birth control shot) and the second was a birth control pill baby. To be honest....I cried for weeks with both of them. They were 19 months apart....so by the time I had my second baby....I still was not dealing with the fact I needed to grow up about this interruption in my life (the guilt I feel now for every thinking that way is alot to get over and heal).

Oh how the mysteries of life changed me. Now...I look at it all as a blessing in disguise. It has made me be a better person.

The sad thing is...so many children are without homes. Who better to step up in this 'awful place' and welcome a child into their homes then someone that does not have their hands full with children and who does have the financial means to raise a child?

The children need us...they are the future. We are the world...we all are the children.

The raising of a child does start in the home, with the parents. But....unless your going to keep the child under lock and key at all times...it DOES take a village to raise them. It takes everyone's influence to impact children.

The world views on that 'since I dont have kids, I dont have to worry about children' is selfish. While everyone enjoys their material lives...children sit and wish for a home, for someone to love them, for someone to care.

Everyone has the right to not have kids...but as a species, as a whole unit, we are failing to come together to create our future (their future).

I have always said, if I ever win a lotto or write a great book that makes we financially well off...one of the first things I would do is adopt several children. Dont forget....this comes from someone who once didnt want children. I didnt have this open heart for the homeless children till I had my own and saw how many of the unwanted ones need somebody.

Im not sure that this life should be about the 'me me me' concept. I think its more of when we 'mature' we will become what the rest of the world is needing us to be. One of the job openings for helping the world be what it can become in its most prime image....is taking in a child who is feeling right at this very moment....'no one loves me'.

What a awful feeling that would be. It rips my heart out. I suppose if I was thinking about 'me me me' I would not feel my heart ripping out for all those unwanted little ones.

Especially teenagers without homes. They are at a time in their life that they only have a few more years before they are a real part of our society. What is a few years to show a young one....that there are good people in the world whose hearts reach out to show the younger generation love and to help prepare them for the brutal world they are about to enter.

I am so thankful for my children, they changed my nature, they softened my heart and I feel that not only do I help my own prepare for the world...but any child that comes into my home period....I make sure to give them attention, to watch them, to acknowledge them.

It is a fact that many parents probably dont need children. But its also a fact that many children DO need parents.

As far as govt is concerned, each person is simply a potential tax payer. Govt needs tax payers, like yourself, to fund all the entitlement programs out there so that all the low-income people who receive all the handouts (without contributing a single dime) can be taken care of.

Therefore, you simply must have children so that their future taxes can help take care of all the worthless deadbeats who are nothing more than a financial drain on society.

So, the moral of the story is - by not having kids you are actually being cruel to the future deadbeats of society by denying the govt less money to fund its ever-expanding cradle to grave entitlement programs. So, if you care about your fellow man, you should want to have as many kids as possible. Some of them might strike it rich and be able to fund countless govt entitlement programs.

reply to post by doctornamtab


This is a sign of the ignorance abroad HE said "LIVE AND BE FRUITFUL" MEANING POPULATE LIKE FRUITS (why you think its so fun to do so!). There is really a energy force that doesnt want so many humans or NEW SOULS upon a EARTH designed for humans to reproduce to the max. but yet we are all being CATTLE DRIVEN TO BELIEVE THAT it isnt enought space for everyone to live on EARTH, SMH.

reply to post by doctornamtab


That's all well and good...but as I'm sure you know...the dumber a person is, the more they breed. And what do they breed? More dumb people. Ever see Idiocracy? That's what we're heading towards since we're not letting Darwin drive.

reply to post by Arcane Demesne


Ohhh that film is freaking scary! And i agree, we as a species are heading down that way if something doesnt change..
i am hoping someone actually does a different version of Idiocracy only make it a lot darker, but the same idea.. If something does change, things will just keep getting worse, the people with common sense and intelligence as a whole are being outnumbered.. common sense is one of the biggest things i notice lacking in the youth today, my sons friends and siblings, that i am watching grow up more every year, have none of it whatsoever... one can only imagine the chaos it could create ahead of us!

reply to post by Full_Vision


Ahh yes, the death of common sense and of the basics of survival. The younger generations are molly-coddled by society and are being denied the life-skills learned by experiencing the true consequences of their actions or inactions.

Child Free and Proud!

I wish I was!

Unfortunately I didn't know I didn't really want kids until after I had one

Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, but if I had waited and thought about it a bit more I don't believe I would have had any, and if I was young and just starting out there is NO WAY I would bring kids into this mess! (I'm fem/52)

I like babies, other peoples babies, they are cute, and you can give em back
From 2 til adulthood they drive me insane, is why I chose not to have any more.

My ex hubby used to say there are men designed to push lawn mowers and he wasn't one of them, well I feel the same way about having kids.

.