A "pagan" spell to give your ATS thread more posts.

Have you ever spent hours and days wondering about your perfect ATS (or BTS) thread? Next you relax and post that thread only to get none, or no more than two responses? Oh no - soon your thread is trashed or dissappears into the ether. Then everyone is complaining about religion or homosexuality and how people should stop these threads, yet all of them get 100 posts plus? For competative natured people it's a bit like telling people to stop earning money because marketing works.
Have you ever tried anything supernatural to make a thread popular - like placing your palms over the screen and pouring earth energy from your feet into it? Have you ever really held thumbs for a thread? Oh common, you know you have.

Well, if you have, this spell is for you:

Light a white candle, place a mirror next to the screen. Dim any lights and place the candle before the mirror. Focus on your reflection:
Say three times, growing with determination:
"As I see myself reflective,
so ATS sees my perspective".

Get up, walk a circle in your space and relax.
Sit down again facing the mirror. Breathe...
Feel your heart beat with your writing hand for a few seconds. Chant:
"Just as this heart pumps blood
from vein to artery,
so this network pumps my thread
on ATS for all to see."

Have a drink of beer/wine/tea/water handy (whatever drink makes you happy).
Move the candle slowly around your srceen three times, in circular, clockwise fashion (don't set anything ablaze). Imagine people typing responses to your thread with different outfits in different countries (maybe imagine different flags?).

Put down the candle and stand up, chest out. Put your left arm over your chest like singing an anthem, and hold out a toast of your chosen drink towards your screen and thread.
Say:
"I make this solem toast
because from land to land
and coast to coast
from all the threads and post to post
MINE IS THE THREAD THEY LIKE THE MOST!"

(drink and repeat as necessary...)

[edit on 1-4-2010 by halfoldman]

[edit on 1-4-2010 by halfoldman]

reply to post by halfoldman

Erm, maybe that's not such a joke at all. I've tried it (not as refined as here) with varying results. I wonder what ATS would make of it!
Perhaps with a bit of input and refinement - who knows?
And of course if it doesn't work the thread was crappy or ill-timed - rephrase and try and try again! Yes, and believe...

Ps: I'd reserve this for special threads or occassions.


[edit on 1-4-2010 by halfoldman]

[edit on 1-4-2010 by halfoldman]