posted on Mar, 31 2010 @ 08:36 AM
Just some Random Thoughts in My Head
I have been debating whether to leave this place or not for quite some time. There have been times where I just wanted to give up, leave, and never
look back. There have also been times where this place has been my home, my sanctuary, my happy place.
When I was a kid I used to spend 99% of my awake time outdoors biking, walking, or just messing around killing time in the woods near my parent's
house wishing I was older. Living in the West-Island of Montreal was great for this, there were many undeveloped forested areas by the rivers that
surround the island. I broke many bikes doing jumps, got lost many times, and spent lots of time just being me. I can remember sitting by the water on
the rocks by the shore and just spend hours watching and listening to the water go by. I was young and did not understand why I liked it, but I did. I
could spend a whole day walking in the forest and get bitten to hell by insects probably never discovered before, but I didn't care, I was just happy
to be out there. It was my happy place. I guess it's reflected when I go to places on vacation. I always only have 1-2 pictures of people and the
rest are of mountains, trees, animals, or water. The north is just one big playground to me; tundra from one side of the horizon to the other with
mountains that seem to go to the end of the world. The sky is always changing and sometimes clouds seem like water or mountains in the distance. It's
is just amazing. At night there are more stars than you can count on a clear night and the Northern Lights (Aurore Borealis) dance in the sky like a
silky smooth multicolored scarf. It's just breath taking.
I like to drive out of the village to just sit in the car looking at the horizon while listening to music and daydreaming away. I usually think about
how much I love and miss my wife, about how my life is now compared to how it could have been, or I just let my mind drift away in the music that is
playing. If anyone wants to get my attention or just wants to distract me, it's going to have to be with music. I can literally "lose" hours in my
mind listening to music; one second I see what's in front of me and then all of a sudden I "snap out of it" realizing I have been staring at this
thing for more than 20 minutes... or was I? What really happened was that I was in my mind dreaming away of places, people, things I want to do/have
done. Certain kinds of music get me to certain degrees. U2, Led Zeppelin, Oasis, Journey and Coldplay (to name a few) can get me in a mood faster than
let's say Donna Summers... lol... Then there is the music that I associate with things I've lived through or people I know or knew in the past.
Music touches me and makes me feel. I can feel every emotion, every sentiment, imagine my hopes, conquer my fears, reminisce on my youth, or even fuel
motivation for a task that I don't want to do all with a song.
I also like to walk up a mountain with Gram and just sit up there looking around. Gram loves going out on the land and sniffing the hell out of
everything. She really is great company.
Gram is now almost 5 years old. She is such a great dog. She can do a number of tricks like sitting, staying, lying down, speaking, howling, and
playing dead when I "shoot" her while saying "bang!". She is also a huge attention freak. When she knows I'm getting ready for bed she will go
and lie down on MY side of the bed and give me the all to cliché puppy eyes. She is highly energetic, loves to play, and always wants to be pet. She
is like my little girl and I love her so much. She gives me a reason to get up out of bed in the morning (to let her out), to come home for lunch (to
let her out), and to come home after work and not stay out too late (to let her out). The best thing about Gram is that when I am sad, depressed, or
not feeling too well, she can feel it. She comes up to me and just lies down looking at me. I pet her and feel like everything is going to be ok, like
she understands. Anyone who says a dog is just an animal and has no feelings either never had one, or they never took the time to really take care of
one. Gram loves me just as much as I love her, I can feel it. I promised my wife that when she comes up here, we will get a puppy to keep Gram
company. The only problem with that is that she is extremely jealous hehe... She is a real female. No dog has ever approached her living space without
having to run off with their tail between their legs. I will have to find a way of introducing her to a new dog without her eating it for lunch. I
guess I'll be googling dog behavior soon...