posted on Mar, 26 2010 @ 10:24 PM
The answer for me is a flat out NO.
This could be genuine unhappiness, or it could be seeds of the age old epidemic "depression". All in all, they can call depression a mental disorder
or a disease all they want - it is still caused by something: unhappiness. The problem I have is determining what exactly I am unhappy about.
I grew up a pretty modest life. I never really went without but I had friends who did. I learned the art of sharing and humanity at quite a young age,
and unlike other kids who I didn't understand - I never cherished my possessions so much as I did my friends or people in my life.
But when you place too much faith in people, you realize that sometimes that faith is misplaced, and people are capable of horrible things. I've
never been abused or attacked, but I have been mentally attacked by fellow human beings- usually for no apparent reason than me being different.
I grew up in a world of technology, with new video games and forms of media; with new and greater toys and greater computers. I remember as a child
while all the other kids grew more and more attached to their indoor activities, I became more and more connected with nature and my imagination. I
was the youngest person I know ever to talk about philosophy on an everyday basis. People just didn't seem to "get me".
As I grew more and more into the world, I became linked to people who became more and more dependent on anything but themselves. First it was other
people, then it was foreign companies, then it was technology. Even though I made a career out of the world of computers - I can't help but to think
that the priorities of the world have all been flipped upside down. However, all thanks to the bondage of family and friends in the current world, I
find myself unable to escape where I feel I would be most happy. I find myself instead fighting the system that would allow people to realize where
real happiness should lie. Not in their technologies and material possessions - but in the search of knowledge and love.
Deep down inside I hate people, but at the same time I love them. The fact that I have to be surrounded by them only makes more me unhappy. The only
way I would ever truly be happy is if people would be able to see what was really important in this world - but I know that is never going to happen.
I believe that if I would be able to escape, and live a life of simplicity that I read so much about in history books and stories of old - I would be
able to experience the happiness you speak of.
A world away from technology and the lifestyle of dependence that people have chosen. I wish I could become dependent on myself, able to survive on my
own and in the event that others would do the same - live together with those that shared in the love of simple things. A world where I could dream
and create as I saw fit - where I could sustain myself indefinitely and would be able to make a living by working for myself.
Some would call it a pipe dream... I just call it an age that has been forgotten. Society would instead choose to shun those with my thoughts and
would treat them as outcasts. That is how my entire life has been - as an outcast. Never wishing harming, never fighting, only wanting to live free.
Why is it so hard for people to respect that?
No, as long as the world remains the way it is, I will never be truly happy. There are moments where I can feel happy about some things - as I watch
my nieces walk for the first time, as I listen to my nephew tell me things I've never known, or as I watch the occasional spout of TRUE love between
two individuals. Sure happiness may spout through, but it will never last.
That is why I decided that for the sake of those out there like me. For the sake of those that believe in a better world where people can be accepted
no matter who they are - I will fight. I will fight and I will die if I have to in my attempts to change the world. And though my impact may not be
great, though I may go down as a fizzle in the memories of a few - they will at least know that I fought for a better world and in that fight maybe...
just maybe I will have inspired others to do the same.
Sorry about my rant... happiness is just a touchy subject for me.