Check it out just a little something I wrote about the government

Life is real so live it
you can't control it so what do you do
you rise above
you reach for the sky
show your true colors or loose all hope
they taking our money while tying our rope
they hear our cries
they feel our pain
then they turn their backs and walk away
we have no control
we know no truth
were hanging in the nuses they tied
they can send their troops
they can shoot to kill
they'll never give up
they'll never get their fill
children watch their fathers die while their mothers cry
you think your right
but you know your wrong
we've seen through this for far to long
I won't sit back and watch the innocent die
the rich get paid and poor suffer
this is all their fault
take the blame
but i forgot they know no shame

No offense, but it's not very good. Derivative rhythms and points. I respect your attempt though, and encourage you to keep trying! If you're interested, I can try to give you some constructive criticism by U2U later. Too tired right now, but I can help with spelling...

Line 5: Lose, not Loose

Line 12: nooses not nuses

Line 19: You're not your

Line 20: too not to

Good luck

reply to post by Kurt Turner


line 12: we're not were

Yeah, not the best, nice try thought...I can relate to a few of the points in the poem...

Let me just point out the differences between these commonly misspelled words -

Lose - I'm going to lose the game again.
Loose - These pants are slightly loose around my waist.

You're (you are) - You're all going to die.
Your - Your ping-pong skills have increased.

To - I want to see the monkeys.
Too - I have seen the monkeys too many times.

We're (we are) - We're all going to the zoo.
Were - I thought we were going to the zoo.

Sorry, I guess I'm just bored, but it can't hurt to know these little bits of information if you're (you are) going to write poems and the such.

[edit on 23/3/10 by CHA0S]

This place is really starting to bum me out!!!! It is depressing in America right now. Hopefully spring will bring back some smiles.

Keep trying OP, making a poem where the words rhyme and stirs a little emotion is something I could never do even though I love poetry. My wife on the other hand can make up very good poems and songs about anything you throw at her. Good attempt though.