Broadly put, the idea involves a kind of spiritual paradox. It relates to a feeling of being deeply seperated from the divine, deeply
troubled and out of touch with all that is holy.
This is the paragraph which struck the chord for me, so that's what I'll address
My paradox differs to that which you've described
I still pray, still believe my prayers are being heard at some level, even if only by a higher-self, or perhaps, spirits of ancestor and/or
well-disposed spirits generally
Within my daily life however, I do experience what might be described as spiritual aridity. I pass beautiful churches and know how it would feel to
enter, know the sense of comfort to be derived within and from being part of a congregation
Sometimes, I consider returning to the church, if only for the sense of serenity and security that might be gained from participation
However, were I to return to say, weekly worship, it would be an attempt to deny 'spiritual aridity'. I could join in the hymn singing, could bathe
in the reflected colours of the stained glass, could feel the wood of the pews and take comfort in a sense of belonging
But I wouldn't belong. And going to church in the hope of establishing a sort of religious insurance-policy for the afterlife, would be a sham.
Which is why I don't go. Because if I were to go to church, it would in reality only emphasise the gaping chasm between what I'd like to believe
and my lack of belief
In fact, the clergy make me angry and have done for quite a while, to the point I fear that were I to return to regular church-going, I'd be likely
to confront the clergy with the message as opposed to the reality. I've done that before, when younger. I'm more considerate now and leave them in
peace to peddle their wares, which in turn provides them board and a living
The church (regardless of religion) requires its adherents to believe ... or to pretend to believe. That's the deal, take it or leave it
If you're prepared to play along, you get to soak up the ambience and emerge feeling somewhat virtuous
It's not good enough, for me at least. Because it's clear that none of the clergy have a clue. They play it by rote. And when they don't have
the answers, they hide behind
'God is mysterious .. works in mysterious ways ... Ours is not to question God but to submit in faith and trust '
etc.
Not good enough. Needs a lot more honesty and frank admission that they don't have a clue and are scared of looking too deeply. Instead, they pride
themselves on being able to quote obscure passages from a book written by men. They say a lot, but it's empty. It was designed for people less
educated, more fearful than the people of today
I want and need the new religion. Except it doesn't exist
I want and need something more relevant than stories told around goat-herders' camp fires thousands of years ago
I'm not interested in monkey or elephant or vengeful gods and I most certainly have no time for intermediaries who presume to tell me how others
should live when they evade real-life themselves by hiding behind their clerical mantle
What is this place and what are we ? What is our purpose, what is our fate ? What are your credentials ? What was your intent when you imposed
existence upon us ? Show me your works, or is life on this planet the sum total ... in which case, pardon me if I'm not overly impressed. These are
the discussions I'd like to have with a living God. And ever now and then, I have those discussions -- one-sidedly, admittedly
Yes, it was nice to belong to the fold. Everything was so much simpler then. But I'm not going to pretend to regress, for that would feel even more
hollow than this 'spiritual aridity'