My introduction probably should go more in the Gray Area, as it involves some fairly strange things. To give some background about me, I am a female in my mid-40s living in the US. I have a professional degree, but do not want to reveal my profession for privacy sake. I have undergraduate studies in various sciences and have always been a scientific person but still interested in non-scientific things.

I was raised in hard-core christianity that I gave up at age 17. From there, I became atheist/agnostic (kinda in between, but mostly of the mind, we simply don't know). I did some study in the kabbalah, astrology, past lives, and tarot, but nothing in-depth. As I had always been on the "straight and narrow" path for so many years, my mid 20s "partying" for the first time ever, drinking, going out, having fun.

In my mid 30s, I became physically disabled and had long discontinued drinking as a hobby, lol. Because my disability involves chronic pain, I spent one year on a strong med and discontinued it. I have a sleeping disorder (apnea) and also took sleeping pills for many years, which I no longer take. I also have thyroid disorders. The reason I am giving this background is that it is relevant to understanding and dissecting what I experienced. I want to give as much background as possible so that what I am going to talk about can be looked at scientifically as well as spiritually.

Four years ago I started experiencing migraines, which i have never experienced before. I went to an orthodontist, who said I had TMJ (something I've been diagnosed with before) and a bite that needed be corrected, and if not correctly properly with braces, would result in more TMJ issues. I started getting dental treatments and wearing a "retainer" to move my teeth prior to getting braces.

One month I had 27 days of migraines. I went to the doctor and got a shot of Imitrex which put me into the emergency room hours later with heart palpitations, etc. I also began vomiting in the morning after eating, experiencing gastric issues, and had a scope to see if I had ulcers, which came back negative. I spent most of my time indoors, with the heat or air conditioning on, although I would go outside for an hour or so to check on my flowers/garden or run errands here and there. My spouse was spending most of his days outside working.

Meanwhile, I noticed my dog was throwing up here and there too, but I thought it was due to the dog bones I was giving him and sometimes dogs swallow bigger chunks than they should.

My husband had no symptoms.

One week in the summer I thought I had the flu, which is unusual as I usually do not catch colds or flus. I was down for a whole week, sleeping on the couch, headache, body aches, and feeling miserable.

During this time I had been reading some spiritual books and started experiencing a lot of synchronicity which was kinda fun. Like I would lose things and ask for help for them to be found, or I wanted a certain book and it would become available to me. I dreamt about playing the guitar and asked a friend if he knew anyone who had one, and he had one to give me. I started teaching myself the guitar. Nothing fantastic, but interesting nonetheless.

Over a course of a couple days, these synchronous events seemed to be happening more and more. I started playing my guitar and feeling very blissful and thought about how art of cherubs showed them playing harps and that maybe the way they looked in the artwork was because they were all "blissed out" and feeling exactly as I did. That's when things started getting nutty. Friends and relatives called me that day and I was talking nonsense and basically hallucinating. I was hearing sounds that sounded like all the cars and the airplanes in the world were running at once. Due to my christian background, I immediately thought of the "rapture." (continued...)

continued...

I started saying things like I was God, and my husband was Jesus (why, I really don't know) but I was trying to make sense of everything. My family came and took me to the hospital where I spent the next week as the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. My doctor from out of state tried to tell them that my thyroid levels were out of whack and to give me a certain medication. When I would take the medication, I would become more lucid. When the doctors tried to give me other meds, I would pull the IV out of my arms and hallucinate.

During this time, I remembered many things I said and what others were saying. People were trying to keep me grounded in reality by asking me stupid questions (like what was on tv) and then they would ask me other questions like, why did God cause hurricanes (this was after Katrina) and I gave the simple answer, because natural disasters bring people closer to me (meaning God, because that's who I thought I was...ha ha). It was all quite strange.

to be continued...

Interesting read so far. Serial experiences always made me nervous, but, I'll be patient and wait for you to finish it up.

~ Wandering Scribe

good read and welcome to the board!

maybe you fell victim to the infamous government experiment "mkultra".

It would explain the hallucinations.

Can you explain to me what you were exactly seeing when you were hallucinating, and what made you say those strange things. How did you feel? were thoughts and feelings running rampart through your head?

Did you see what might be explained as a jumble of pictures meshed into one, or words that you couldn't make out? or was it more blinking, random movingness?

and last but not least, were you very giggly, or laughing at pretty much everything?

The answers to these questions will let me know if it was drug induced and what kind of drug(hallucinogen). Or maybe something else, because it seems quite random for such an experience to occur... but I am no expert.

Sorry for the delay. As far as my hallucinations, one that I remember involved me being in a basement/dungeon-type area. I was there for quite a long time and thought it was like for 10 years. I would see my family come and go to the basement to see me and they would be laughing and I resented it. At one point I saw both my sister and my brother in law and the (male) nurse (whom I quite clearly remember being shaken, I even verified this with others later) but everything around me was the basement scene. I remember what they said (for example, I was calling for Sylvia (as in Sylvia Browne) but my brother in law was trying to make sense as to why I would be calling for his step mother (whose name is Sylvia, but I hadn't met yet). I remember watching tv in this area and asking my husband what "hirsute" meant (hairy). Then I was lying down and feeling like I was about to go underwater diving (this might have been from the oxygen canula that was in my nose), and I heard a voice say, "Hold on, hear we go!" I was expecting go diving with the dolphins for some reason and accomplish some sort of mission (connected with me lying in the basement for 10 years) and woke up to see both my sister and mother talking to the doctor.

Then I went a bit balistic, thinking that somehow my relatives had cut my "mission" short and I ordered both of them out of the room. I remember telling the nurse that I had a legal right to limit visitors to my room and ordered them to be kept out. I also ripped out all the IVs in my arm.

I was eventually placed in the cardiac unit due to my racing heart. I was aware of what others were saying, but I thought for some reason it was a type of test. So sometimes I would intentionally answer them with the opposite answer. Sometimes I would outright ignore people as they talked about me, and also had other strange experiences.

Meanwhile the doctors at the hospital were still at a loss for what was going on, my husband was frantically consulting with my out of state doctor, reading books, and trying to figure out why I suddenly went off the deep end. I have no psychiatric disorder history, yet the hospital doctors were treating me as schizophrenic and bipolar, nor do I have a familial history of psychiatric disorders.

One of the things that was strange was that one night my husband was visiting and we were watching tv. I was thinking about moving the channels telepathically and he complained that they were moving and accused me of doing so with the remote (which I did not have). Eventually he stood up and changed the channels using the tv buttons itself. There was also concern by the nurses that my husband was giving me drugs that were causing my symptoms, but the only thing he was giving me was what my doctor suggested. And would he did, I would become more lucid (as it was lowering the thyroid that was in my system). The nurses talked to me about not taking any pills from him and I even asked one nurse if I were dead since everything was so weird and she was being evasive. She shrugged her shoulders to that question. It was so strange! Why would a nurse just not outright tell you, no you're not dead, and hey, just don't take pills from anyone.

The next day was worse. I was told I would be able to possibly go home and I started heading to the elevator area to wait for my husband to pick me up. At the time, I also thought the elevator went to another living area above the hospital. All I know is that I wanted out, and had also tried to "escape" a few times which got me thrown on the bed, strapped down, and then left completely alone. This time was no different. My husband arrived to see me sobbing and begging for him to untie me. I believe I made it through one more day at the hospital when again I tried to leave. I felt like I had telepathic communication with the nurses whom I also thought to be other entities, and for some reason, dolphin entities...continued...

This "telepathic" communication with the nurses/dolphins is something I'm not sure about at all. But for a long time after, I believed happened. When I got out of the hospital, I started looking up ideas that were coming to my mind that to my knowledge, I had not been exposed to before, such as the word "lightworker," looking up dolphins (and reading that some people say dolphins come from, I believe Sirius). Everything for me when I got out of the hospital was about "one," "unity" or "three." For example, we moved to a new house after this event, and I wanted only one drill point made for the cable... it was ridiculous, but I was focused on this. I kept telling people at the hospital that I was "an enigma wrapped up in a riddle" and that it was all about the "six degrees of separation."

I kept making connections between words and ideas to such an extent that it was driving my hubby batty. He'd keep telling me that I was making connections regarding nonsensical things. I told him it was his fault as the name of his business (which he named) comes from the Aramaic meaning "to connect," ha ha.

The "scientific" conclusion we came to was that there was mold in the ventilation system that was blowing into the house day and night. This also explained why my dog got sick and why, when another relative came over and spent the night in my house while I was in the hospital, that she awoke vomiting and with diarrhea. The mold in the house (and also a small carbon monoxide leak from the dryer vent) interacted with the very high doses of thyroid that I was on and caused a condition that an expert labeled "Thyrotoxicosis" and that was responsible for the hallucinations.

However, for quite a while I was still insisting to my husband (but learned enough to keep my mouth shut to the medical types) that this was some sort of spiritual event. As another example of the weird things happening, when I left the hospital we spent two weeks in a hotel room once we found out the house had mold. At night, I would see purple orbs in the room and it would freak me out a bit. I was so shaken, that I asked for help spiritually, to be comforted, and all the blankets around my body became tucked in around me (another thing I had actually experienced in the hospital, but with my feet having blankets tucked around them). I showed this to my husband (how the blankets started clinging to my body) and he said that it was due to "static electricity." I also had been meditating and told my husband, look the bed is shaking. He said it was some sort of vibration in the building. I mean, these are things that another person saw but it was "not that" according to him.

My personal local physician said that it would take about six months for the mold to clear my body and for me to become "normal" again, and that was about the right timing. But during that time, I, being of the research ilk, started going on the internet to try to understand what happened from a spiritual point of view. I learned how the Salem Witch trials probably stemmed in part from the girls eating moldy bread, and I learned about Sirius, Pleaides, and many other things. I guess the thing I learned from the experience the most was the unity of things, and how things really are all interconnected. My best friend believes that my strong mind striving to find all the connections is probably what "brought me back" since I HAD to figure out what happened. Do I totally understand all of it? No. But I'm not psychotic, do not take any type of anti-psychotics or other mood elevators/regulators.

To answer Tempsellist, I was giggly for a while at the hospital, but usually in response to silly questions (for example, my relative asked me what was in the fruit bowl I was eating, and I named all the different fruits, and when she said, how do you know that, I said, well you don't eat a lot of f*ing fruit do you?? lol.

continued

This was in response to another internet poster's post, where I relate my "experience:"

Poster states: "People don't come into your life. They come out of you, do what they
agreed to do, and then they go back inside."

As I told you, I was hospitalized this fall after a spiritual
awakening. There was some wacky mystical stuff happening, and this next
vision experience I had seems related to what you posted. I was lying
in my hospital bed and my eyes flew open to see my mother lying next to
me. I was very surprised to see her in the hospital bed with me and I
asked her, "What are you doing here?" She said, "I've always been
here." I said, "What do you mean, how long?" She said, "I've been in
your heart since you were a little girl." Then I told her that she
could go back in to my heart, I would take care of her. She told me
that she just wanted to talk to me for a few minutes. I told her
"Great, but I want to talk to Robin Williams." (I had been hearing
Robin WIlliams too, but that's another wacky story!) I told her we
were going to make a switch, and to let Robin come out. Well, who pops
out? Not Robin Williams, but the ex-husband of my husband's stepsister,
Sol. I've only seen Sol about 3 times, and here he is talking (through
my mother). He says, "Your house is a mess, we have to get you out of
there!" (Later, I would discover that my house was infested with toxic
mold, and the doctor's think that it interfered with my thyroid
medication and that was why I was "babbling" like a crazy woman at the
hospital!)

Anyway, I was taken aback by Sol's statement, number one, I live a
simple life and my house is simple, especially compared to Sol's (Sol
brought home over $2 million last year from his chiropractic
practices). So, I told Sol, well, my house isn't as fancy as yours, get
back in my heart, I'll take care of you too (he also let me know that
his mother was a bitch, but this was more of a psychic communication,
and kinda funny.) So, Sol pops back in, and I start insisting I talk to
Robin Williams again, and the guy never did show up. I told my mom,
"Oops, Sol popped out. Put him back in. That was weird!" So, we threw
Sol back in and that's really all I remember from that vision.



[edit on 17-3-2010 by goobgirl]

continued...

On an I-Pod recording, my husband, mother, and I discuss this vision,
and my husband says, "Why are you talking to that bastard Sol?" and
starts laughing. I tell my mother several times she needs to get back
in my heart. I tell her she is Robin WIlliams and that I know he grew
up in Bloomfield Hills (also where Sol lives) and that his father was an
auto executive, and that his relationship with his father was difficult
(which is interesting, considering if you listen to Robin Williams, he
doesn't really mention this "difficulty.") I mentioned these facts to
my mother because my mother and husband insisted on me staying in touch
with reality, and they kept asking me questions about "reality," such
as what was playing on tv, what type of fruit was in my bowl, etc, etc.
So I figure, I would tell my mother I knew who she was by giving her
"facts." I even told her, "You're very good at playing a mother.....but
you need to get back into my heart!"

She tells me eventually, "I'll take my chances." That part was
spookiest, in retrospect! I really shook my mother up with all of the
things I kept saying (statements like we are all God, that I was my
husband's spirit guide, and I was a master), but her statement about
"taking her chances" is very weird to me. Although I agree I was really
flying out there in the astral plane, her reticence to be involved in a
spiritual way, and the coldness of her statement, still shakes me up
today.

So, my mother hasn't gone back inside yet. I did notice that when I
went to her house, she had all these bibical chapters and verses
referenced on a piece of paper, so I must have gotten her thinking
something!

The connection with Robin Williams is also quite funny. The Saturday
before I was watching George Lipton's show, the Actor's Studio. It was
a repeat of Robin Williams appearance. I remember watching him and
admiring him and thinking, he's a genius, I love him. I also thought, I
wish I could do what he does, I probably could. Anyhow, another vision
I had at the hospital was that I could sense Robin was in the next room
and I started calling out, "Robin, get in here, Robin!" I hear his
voice as if he is standing next to my bed, but I don't see him. He
says, "What do you want? Why should I talk to a crazy lady? You can't
even speak properly." I told him, "That's because I have this
orthodontic device in my mouth, it makes me talk funny." He says, "Oh,
well what do you want?" I said, "I don't know, but I do know that the
Vikings say that the world came out of God's mouth or God's head, look
into my mouth...." I don't remember even knowing anything about this
Viking myth of the beginning of the world, but there it was! And that's
when I had the "knowledge" that Robin Williams had gone into my heart.
And for most of the rest of the week, I kept telling people to look
into my mouth! People kept trying to put the orthodontic device in my
mouth, to "shut me up," it felt like, and eventually, I wouldn't use it
anymore. The device was for TMJ, and when I finally did try to use it
about three weeks later, it didn't fit. My TMJ has been almost
nonexistent since all of this happened, and now I only occasionally
wear the device at bedtime.

You can also hear me on the I-Pod recording telling my mother that
Robin was very surprised to find out he was God. I tell her, that he
says, laughing, "I never thought I'd turn out to be God! "He was also
surprised that a woman (me) could be God. My mother said I must have
heard that in a routine of his or something, but I hadn't. You can
also hear me say things like "It's all about the six degrees of
separation." and "I'm an enigma wrapped up in a riddle." Some good
stuff there....

During this experience, how aware were you that your mental functioning was impaired?

That is, did you realize that your mind was perceiving reality in a distorted fashion, or did it all seem real?

Thanks for sharing your story; you offer some fascinating insights into the inner life of a victim of mental illness. You are a very strong person, to have persisted through such a profoundly harrowing experience.

My posts are not coming through. Sometimes I was lucid, but mostly I was just trying to make sense of this weird situation I was thrown in.

Sometimes I was lucid, but mostly I was just trying to make sense of this weird situation I was thrown into. It was like a science fiction movie, and all of a sudden you are forced to try to cope. Many strange things happened during and after. For example, the neuropsychiatrist that came to evaluate me, I did not know his nationality. Later, I asked the clinic owner of the physical therapy clinic I attended if he knew whether the neuropsychiatrist was Eastern Indian, he said no, he was Arabic. How did the clinic owner know this? I didn't even give him the Dr's name (I was still a bit strange back then..but I knew when people had info I wanted or if they were a bit psychic...).

My husband had a strange event at the house before we left, he was down in the basement trying to fix a leak (a leak that had caused the mold infestation, in part) and he "heard" the voice of a Native American tell him to leave, that it was their place. He told them that it was his home too. We lived near a waterway that likely was an indian settlement years ago, but I never did the follow up on that.... My husband has psychic experiences, but this could have been "mold" related as well, but it's interesting that we both had warnings to leave: me from "Sol" the ex-husband of my husband's stepsister, and from the Indian voices my husband heard...all before we were aware there was something wrong with the house.

My husband's latest psychic phenomenon occurred this winter. He had a feeling about his aunt... who lives 2 hours away and whom he hasn't seen in a long time. We tried to call her, she wouldn't answer the phone at the senior home where she lived. We finally talked to a maintenance man who said he had seen her. We sent police, who were able to awake her, she had been to bed early. My husband just got a very bad feeling about her and was very worried. She was ok, but within one month, she passed away, quietly and unexpectedly (well, to most....

Quite a fantastic story!! What's scary is that somewhere, sometime, those hallucinations probably were real. Maybe in another dimension, maybe in another galaxy, maybe never. Who knows?

Point is, that was a great story. But you didn't answer the other poster's question which I think we would all like answered. How aware were you of your current situation?

Have you been checked out for Bipolar disorder?
Also do they have medical marijuanna in your state?

Happy to meet you and hope you fit in here.
Most people on the forum are happy to help, some however aren't here seriously and are not bothered about serious debate.

George

Sorry, I thought I did answer the question of my self-awareness when I said I was sometimes lucid. But, as far as knowing how "far out there" I was, I don't think I was too self aware. I knew I was talking almost nonstop for a while, but I couldn't stop myself. I really felt that I had somehow "transformed" and that also an "unwinding" was taking place. That's why I answered the opposite to some questions, it seemed like I was supposed to do it. People would ask me how much thryoid medication (and other questions) I had taken that day, and I would purposely give them the wrong answer. I don't know "why!"

I was reading the paper and understanding it, but making connections. For example, I read a story with an ex-boyfriend's name in the newspaper and a picture of the person threw me way off. My ex-boyfriend has an unusual name, and the picture was of an old man! I jumped to the conclusion that something very strange had happened and this was just part of my jump to a new dimension, for lack of a better word. There was a 30 year difference at least in the two mens' ages.

I could do math, I could read, I could talk, understand television, etc. and understand people but the meaning I was attaching to things was out there. I am not bipolar, have no history of psychological disorders, nor have been treated for any in the past or present. That is another reason it made me mad in hindsight that the hospital would just start pumping me with these drugs when there was no history of psychological disorders, nor none in my family. At the age this happened (39) it is very unusual for someone to simply become schizophrenic, as schizophrenia often presents itself in the early 20s for women.

They do have medical marijuana in my state but I do not partake of any pain killers, alcohol, or other drugs other than those minimally necessary for my health.

As another example of how things 'connected' for me, when I read dolphins were from Sirius, that made complete sense to me because I've always been told I'm quite "serious." The English language can reveal a lot of truth when you play around with it, and I was forever making these connections. I was frustrated when I tried to tell my husband of my experiences and he just couldn't listen anymore. I would make these plays on words, and finally, his best friend got on the phone and talked to me in the way I wanted to speak, making these quick and agile connections. I told him it was "Godspeak" or "Godtalk." Why? Hell if I know....

Yes, I too have wondered if I entered some different dimensions. But as I say, it was a learning experience, and it brought me in touch with some other ideas I wouldn't have thought about otherwise, The one thing that made me very upset in the beginning had to do with me thinking I had a mission to accomplish and that I was going "swimming with the dolphins." I heard a voice say, "here we go" and started to dive and then "woke up" in my hospital room. I was very angry about that...and I wonder why I thought this other than there was an oxygen canula in my nose and I might have sensed the oxygen thinking it was a dive mask....