The Great UK Closing Down Sale

Yes, with bankruptcy around the corner, the UK is up for grabs in its final going-out-of-business sale!

A Summary of Some Of the Best Lots...

LOT 82- ROYAL FAMILY - Do you have Banana Republic in need of some style? Why not have this top class bunch installed at your Presidential Palace. Might be old and no longer functioning, but we'll throw in the corgis and 10 tons of dog biscuits for free.

LOT 119 - ROYAL NAVY - yes the one hired to help you through the Straits Of Hormuz. Why miss out when you can have it as a permanent fixture? Remember, comes complete with several dozen nukes - just the ticket for a face-off with Israel!

LOT 187 - HEAP OF DOG TURD AND TONY BLAIR - Sold only as a matching pair.

LOT 211 - BRITISH INDUSTRY - Do you run a Summer Camp for kids? The rolling wasteland of British Industry could be just what you are looking for as a wild and desolate spot for a camp ground.

LOT 212 - PARLIAMENT - SOLD (to private interests long ago)

LOT 215 - CCTV - Trying to run a Big Brother state in Outer Mongolia? Why not try these 4 million scrap camera! A fraction of the price of launching a spy satellite.

LOT 239 - PRIME MINISTER - Having trouble with the tear-aways from the local school? Why not try Gordo? An excellent guard animal, Gordo is available for cheap on account of severe wear-and-tear and innumerable imperections (eg. one eye missing, not housetrained and tends to run after US Presidents)

LOT 244 - CABINET - The best that money can buy. Available in two colours blue and red. Looks great having it serve drinks at a party.

LOT 250 - FOREIGN CURRENCY RESERVES - Rooms filled to the ceiling with used US dollars up for grabs. Will consider an offer or will consider swap for used IPhone.






[edit on 14-3-2010 by aristocrat2]

This is even better than your "Cod" post, Aristocrat

Hilarious beyond words, but sadly, looking like it might just happen...I sincerely hope for my pommie brethren it doesn't...

Haha very funny

Not sure if I care one way or the other if they sell the remainder off, since the level of investment this gov. is currently pouring into the infrastructure of this nation (not) will only see it wasting anyway to nothing.

I got first 'dibs' on the Red Batman phone in the P.M's office when it goes up for sale!


Sweet!

reply to post by aristocrat2


England is stupid for still having a queen sitting on her royal bum doing nothing with billions of dollars, jewels, paintings, etc in her vault.

The French had the right idea.

"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest." ~ Denis Diderot

[edit on 14-3-2010 by ofhumandescent]

LOT 187 - HEAP OF DOG TURD AND TONY BLAIR - Sold only as a matching pair.

Ill give 10 quid for LOT 187, and you can keep Tony Blair

reply to post by ofhumandescent


The Queen is no different in my eyes than some glitzy Hollywood star the Gov *cough" corporates dangle in front of potential clients to clinch "that" sale...

reply to post by thoughtsfull

The same can be said for the QE2 and Concorde (not the British one we modified ares) And alas the the Imperial Airships R01/R02, But guess what ,They are ready sold

reply to post by ofhumandescent


If there was no Queen, or Royal for that matter, then Britain would really lose its identity. Even if the Royals dont do much other than open Museums or Libarys e.t.c.
Plus a lot of people come to the UK... Well... London, to visit the palace.

reply to post by Esrom Escutcheon Esquire


they would still come to see the palaces, they dont get to gawp at the royals , so why bother with them, make the palaces 100% open to the public, stuff them with all the riches they have amassed and let the people come in and see them.
the queen does nothing for me, i have no allegiance to her or the rest of her family.
they should get off their arses and get a job, just like the rest of us mortals.

in effect they are the luckiest family of benefits scroungers in the history of the world.

and i doubt we would lose our identity.

[edit on 14-3-2010 by hans kammler]

reply to post by foxhoundone


Just as the QE2 (with legs) was sold to big business...

Am still gutted about those things, especially the Airships.. I love those things.. just magic in the air... my partners dad still has plans of one he planned to build

ships had figureheads for a reason, like the ship of state has a figurehead, I would not like Gordo or any of them as the UK figurehead, here-to-day, pockets-full-of-money-gone-to-morrow. All nations need stability, look at the nations history who do not have stability.

reply to post by hans kammler


Maybe it is a waste of money.
But then again, i think at the last count, they cost each UK individual, 12p..? (I think)

Talking about the Heritage part, we'd lose Royal parades.
Which draws in tourists which = Money.

Would you throw away a traditional iconic British figure, whilst other countrys have Kings and Queens?

I suppose we'll hear the 'their German, they changed their name to Windsor' arguement next.

reply to post by Esrom Escutcheon Esquire


Whether they are legitimate or not, they created the laws that gave themselves the legitimacy they have.

But that being said, I am sure they have swung some of the big deals, give out a few nice awards, let the rich b*ggers meet the Queen, which in return secures the UK a sale, I would say all in all gives us more in comparison to what the Royals cost.

I'm a Royalist to the point that if they don't bother me I won't bother them..

*tho it would be good for the Royals to call out the PMs every so often*

[edit on 14/3/10 by thoughtsfull]

reply to post by thoughtsfull


True. If theyd call them out to answer the question the public would want her highness ask - "WHY'S MY COUNTRY IN SUCH A MESS?"

and hear the answers.
Most likely though, there will probably be an inquiery as to why the UK got in such a mess despite the recession being global. As a way to stop it happening again. Allmost all fingures will point at the banks in that instance.

reply to post by aristocrat2


Where is the bargain bin for mingers, chavs, and hooligans? China needs new foreign slave workers, you know?

I offer a bid of 10 US cents for the crappy British (and Irish) music industry.

I've lived in Britain for a couple of years now & simply don't recognise where other contributors get their opinions about the UK from. My only current gripe is the ridiculous state of the British road networks, with potholes everywhere & little getting done about it.

Apart from that, I find Britain a great place to live & work, I pay less taxes than in Scandinavia, most British people I meet (especially the Scots) are warm, approachable & welcoming.

Although they do love a good old moan, it's fairly easy to differentiate between a Briton and a ray of sunshine. I think this thread proves that.

As to the OP, meh. I've learned nothing.

Gallows humor I suppose (no idea why either) ... fails miserably.

reply to post by aristocrat2

Good one! I think we could have a USA close out sale too, the way things are looking.

Lot 154: Los Angeles Basin. Sunny year round, this lot includes at no extra cost Hollywood, and
you get to roast hot dogs for free at least once a year too, with the fires, which are also free.

Lot 666: Government of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Install these people at the head of your nation, and you are guaranteed domination over the people of that nation. Secrets included. Buy now!

DUMBs Lot 667: More than 129 deep underground military bases, complete with equipment for making ore in your country. Unlimited budget not included.

Lot 51: Area 51, a complete alien underground base complete with alien technology and personnel. Sorry, alien spacecraft no longer included with this kit. Plans to build the craft are still included. Priced to sell!

Lot 99: Public school system complete. Want to dumb down your nation's children? This is the system you need, friend. Turn your nation's kids into mindless zombies filled with thousands of useless facts, and video game hacks. Laptops included for a small extra cost.

Lot 000: Nuclear Arsenal complete with launch tubes. Want to turn your evil neighbour to ash, and his land into a sea of glass? This is the system to do it with. Tested performance, and lightning speed computers included. Warning! Purchaser must input new launch codes. Weapons come with pre designated targets, your nation might be one of these!

Great thread While you guys are bidding we have a nice place on Pennsylvania Ave goin up for sale in a few years.

Originally posted by aristocrat2
LOT 250 - FOREIGN CURRENCY RESERVES - Rooms filled to the ceiling with used US dollars up for grabs. Will consider an offer or will consider swap for used IPhone.
[edit on 14-3-2010 by aristocrat2]

I found the OP and resulting thread entirely without purpose other than to cry about the state of the UK. I would prefer something more informational.

So here's a question I would like answered.
Why is the UK the third largest holder of US $ debt?
And why did the UK accelerate it's purchase of US $ debt in December when China reduced its holdings of $? This at a time when the UK is virtually bankrupt itself.