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British Politics would be funny if it wasn't so sad

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posted on Mar, 9 2010 @ 09:30 AM
I recently came accross this and felt it was too good to not share with those folk who are fed up to the back teeth of British Politics. Although humorous it contains several examples of some very serious wrongdoings of members of the British Parlaiment.

Government Minister and professional apologist Jack Straw has admitted that he could have stopped the invasion of Iraq. "I could have stopped Tony Blair if I had opposed him at the vital cabinet meeting. However, I had to take my mum shopping. She had to buy potatoes and carrots. It was all heavy stuff, we went to the chemists also. So unfortunately the Iraq invasion happened. But it was not my fault. I just want to make that perfectly clear. I was busy looking after my mum at the time." Straw went onto say “There was absolutely no need for the cabinet to be told of the attorney general's doubts about the legality of the invasion of Iraq.”

Straw was asked about collective responsibility. "Don't be so stupid. You can't try blaming my mum for the invasion of Iraq. Although she did once say to me "Jack, why don't you carpet bomb the b@st@rds?"

Straw was talking to the inquiry into the Iraq war. So far one politician after another has come forward to say that they were not to blame. Blind Home Secretary David Blunkett recently told the inquiry he was on the way to the cabinet meeting to oppose Tony Blair but his guide dog took a wrong turning and he ended up in the apartment of some woman called Kimberly and "one thing led to another, I gave the dog a bone and ended up getting her foreign nanny an illegal work visa, the whole sordid affair ultimately cost me my job - How can I possibly be responsible for any part in the invasion of Iraq."

During an afternoon discussion at Number 10 over tea, Champion Pie muncher, John Prescott spoke of his anguish when Blair showed him the biscuit selection and told him he could only have some if his vote on Iraq went the right way. Prescott snivveled and moaned "That tw@t Tony had me by the b@ll’s, I mean there were f@cking custard creams for God’s sake!"

As Gordon Brown prepares to speak to the inquiry. He is expected to say that he wanted to oppose the invasion but that Blair was threatening to stay in power forever and that for the good of the nation he could just not allow that to happen.
Brown has agreed to appear before the Chilcot Inquiry into the invasion of Iraq provided he is allowed to wear the full Burka.

In a statement, Mr Brown asserted " In an attempt to be unrestricted and have maximum freedom before the committee I shall be wearing the full veil and will be totally naked underneath."
A Conservative spokesperson commented, "This really is the last straw. How are we to know if it is indeed the prime minister in there? It could be Mandelson. It could be Campbell. It could be Mandelson and Campbell, prodding each other at the appropriate moment!!

Questioned by Reporters regarding the security implications of wearing the Burka, the Prime Minister, with an uncharacteristic twinkle in his eye, quipped

" Well if that handsome young security officer wants to frisk me then you won't see me raising an objection! " And " he continued somewhat coyly " I can assure you, unlike the coalition, he will have no trouble locating my 'weapon of mass destruction' !!"

Frugal Politician, Ann Widdecombe has been doing the rounds today on just about every bloody news channel barking on about MPs expenses again.

Better make sure you keep the receipts for the three Starbuck lattes you had Ann - plus the Cajun chicken wrap, a pack of Nurofen, two pairs of tights, the four-pack of rabbit and chicken flavoured Kit-e-cat, the birthday card for your great nephew and those press cuttings about yourself that you spent $13,500 getting couriered across country . Get them in to payroll before the end of the month so you'll have a nice bumper pay packet to look forward to in March.

She happily ignored all questions put to her by the interviewers and prattled on in her usual condescending way, but at the end of each interview she was clearly heard stating, 'Everyone deserves Justice'.

It's common knowledge amongst members of the House of Commons that Widdecombe has a penchant for German Hardcore Trance music but this latest revelation that she is now into a group at the forefront of French synthesised electro is a surprise to everyone.

This isn't the first time a politician has publically declared their affections for hardcore music live on TV. Gordon Brown famously revealed his favourite band at the end of his leadership acceptance speech in 2007.

'I shall always try my utmost.'

'I am ready to serve.'

'But first I'm off to score some gear off Jack Straw's son William.

Then it’s down to the Brixton Academy to see LTJ Buckham and MC Conrad and get off me nut.'



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