Manic? My experience.. with picture, ask away!

As some of you may have read, i started a thread on a cure to depression and other mental disorders. You can find the thread it here: Cure for Mental Disorders (Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia)? Enter Neurofeedback!!

Since I wrote all the benefits of such treatment in that thread, I thought I'd flip the coin and post what I call 'Hell'.

A while ago, I posted some threads which made no sense what so ever, I rambled, became cryptic, and some people thought i was playing a game, which infact I wasn't, i was actually quite ill..

You can read one of these threads HERE....

During that time, i thought i warped into a different reality, I thought i shifted into a parallel dimension, houses were futuristic, cars were futuristic, people on the street were very well dressed, and i remember thinking I was in the 7th level of reality. What i did find is that the MIND is what focuses on the reality it perceives, well, that's what I thought back then anyway, so I trully believed I shifted dimensions. Peoples avatars on ATS were more crisp and colourful, every sense I had was heightened..

I even came up with some weird artwork... here's one:

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/c1f0b941abc0.jpg[/atsimg]

Thats me btw, totally loopy.

So I wanted to put it out there, is there any questions anyone has for a bipolar/schizophrenic (otherwise known as schizoaffective)....

Give me a bell, I'm more than happy to now talk about my experiences whilst manic, and delusional.

Talk Soon
Marty

have you found a long-lasting solution?
i can ease my symptoms for a period of blissful time, only for it all to crash down around me, leaving me just short of suicidal.

reply to post by Im a Marty


It takes courage to be so open, even with a pic.

I respect that very much, I am not sure I would be soo open.

During the manic stage you mention the "crispness" of avatars and such like, besides heightened perception, have you ever had full on Visual or Auditory Hallacinations.

If so please be kind enough to share what you can, and I am very interested if you did actually get any hallucinations, if and when and why you recognised them as such.

At that moment of relalisation did it affect the quality of the image/sound or volume or brightness, did it dissapear straight away, and lastly if and when you became ESP visual it was a "projection" or a hallucination did it take on a differant appearance from the rest of the world because you noticed where it came from?

If so what?

I know my questions mught seem strange, I worked for many years with people who suffered some very full on, frightening and vivid hallucinations.

So I am truley intriqued as to how you experienced them if they occurred.

Your Courage as said is very humbling,

However are you shaw your not getting a tad excited and "Sure" of this revelation than may be expected when not too high or low?

Make sure you monitor yourself much mate, and keep those meds same time every single day (assuming you do have some, and from what you named your condition as I am sure)

Thanks in advance Moriarty for sharing these experiences if you had any or want to talk about it.

Kind Regards,

Elf

PS id take that camera back to the shop, that pic does not look like a normal one to me , are you shaw you had the "lighting" and exposure right? lol

Originally posted by double_frick
have you found a long-lasting solution?
i can ease my symptoms for a period of blissful time, only for it all to crash down around me, leaving me just short of suicidal.

I have...if you read my thread Cure for Mental Disorders (Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia)? Enter Neurofeedback!!, you'll see what I have discovered...

Please see a health practitioner if you're feeling unwell.... yes i've crashed before, but this is a slow incline to happiness and not over excited as in the past which was mania covered as happiness.....

reply to post by MischeviousElf


Over the many years that I have suffered, i've never hallucinated. Only suffered delusions of granduer, or an 'enhancement' but never saw something that wasn't there.

I have suffered bipolar and highs many times throughout the last 10 years, but I know the difference between genuine excitement compared to going through mania or being manic.

What i have noticed is that when manic, I'd be absolutely certain my reality is real and that TV would give me signs to go buy a car, or get out life insurance for me and the whole family not knowing that I could or couldn't afford it. When i'm actually excited or happy, these thoughts don't occur, I am just generally happy and excited.....

I have a checklist with checkboxes and I tick certain behavioral characteristics that I experience, at the moment i'm no where near a manic state.

With regards the photo, I took it with my webcam and then edited with adobe photoshop...

Thanks for your post, much appreciated

Marty

reply to post by Im a Marty


Thanks so much for sharing that.

Without being to nosey could I ask you something about what you shared?

Your insight and awareness of yourself when on a baseline like now, is telling of your intelligence and mindfulness, of previous Manic episodes.

When though you have been in a Manic period in times past, when those episodes have occurred. As well as affecting that time in your life, does your perception of previous manic episodes change?

You describe with great clarity those events at the moment, however if on a Manic Stage do you then see & remember them as periods where you where not as you can categorise now, but see it a time when you were "Right" or onto something.

I have known some with similar stories to you who could not really access any part of their awareness and memories at all when high.

Others who seem as aware of them as before the manic stage, but then perceive them differently, ie the memory is imbued almost itself with characteristics of the manic stage being suffered.

This has always intrigued me to. From peoples experiences of it, and also what it can teach all of us about memory, and how and when we access those memories and therefore the narrative we create about previous times in our lives.

Thanks again and this is for me if not the most starred and flagged thread on ATS one of the most interesting, certainly one where your thread has much to teach us all about perception, memories, mind, and emotions.

Ps the camera thing was only joking, a very good ATS pic especially the forehead symbolism, and excellent photo shopping dude.

Kind Regards,

Elf.

reply to post by MischeviousElf


mElf,

To be honest with you, what I do recall is quite 'little'. Noticed what I posted? That is minute compared to what actually happened. I was in a manic state for 2 weeks, where what I wrote could have been done in about 2 - 3 days. There is a LOT i don't remember, but I do have flashes and triggers of memory when my wife mentions 'oh remember you did this, and you did that'.

The events that I do recall are burned into my memory, but I only recall the last manic episode, I do not recall them all....

What I do recall though, was when I was enquiring about life insurance, I was adding figures in my mind, and they had to equal certain numbers before i proceeded. It was as if the numeric energy had to match for me to sing up to the insurance company.

What I also experienced, was a belief that our realities are created for us, and we play that reality because thats what we chose to experience, and WHATEVER we believed in, was REAL and FACT.

For example, if i was christian, my life would revolve around christianity and it would prove 'real' to me, i would see virgin mary statue weep oil from her tear ducts, or I would have a stigmata. It was real, but DUE to the belief system. If I believed something else, then that was real for me, and prove me otherwise you would not be able to. I then had the realisation, that everything and nothing was real, and everything and nothing was true. Do you think that makes sense to me now? Nope. I am not even sure you would understand since I don't even recognise myself that anymore.

As i said before, cars around me were futuristic, and so were houses down the street. I would count a certain number of steps and when i reached that amount of steps i would knock on the house who's number I landed on, introduce myself as 'marty', just say hello, then continue to walk home. It was weird, but i do recall being over confident.

I hope that answered your question, there's more that I am sure happened, but I simply cannot recall, but what I do recall, i recall them quite vividly...

reply to post by Im a Marty

For example, if i was christian, my life would revolve around christianity and it would prove 'real' to me, i would see virgin mary statue weep oil from her tear ducts, or I would have a stigmata. It was real, but DUE to the belief system. If I believed something else, then that was real for me, and prove me otherwise you would not be able to. I then had the realisation, that everything and nothing was real, and everything and nothing was true. Do you think that makes sense to me now?

Should I be concerned that this makes perfect sense to me?

I also applaud your bravery for posting this. That is really hanging yourself out there. Good thread, S&F.

reply to post by Karlhungis


Karlhungis,

Which part made sense? That our realities are shaped due to what we believe? or specifically the christianity aspect?

It was such a vivid realisation, that whatever we believed in, is real, and not as in real in the belief system, but real as in factually right.

I am not sure if this is accurate though, it was an idea that grew whilst in manic state, if its real, then yes, there's a second coming of Christ, with the Imam Mahdi of Islam, followed by the Buddha, and Xenu of the scientologists after that..... Are all beliefs real to a degree or another?

Thanks for the kudos though, much appreciated

Marty

reply to post by Im a Marty


The belief that we create our own realities. Not the Christian aspect, per se, but all of it. Christians really do live in a Christian existence, Atheists don't.

I do think it is more complicated than merely saying "I believe X so X is going to happen". Because of that, the Christians aren't going to bring about the 2nd coming simply by believing it. That doesn't change the reality that they live in though.

Like I said, it is a complicated topic but what you said makes sense to me. That is how I have looked at it. The beauty of it is that you almost have to be insane to believe it and even more insane to actually change your own belief system.

reply to post by Im a Marty


i dont understand anything of that sorry to interfer then like that, but just a philosophical approach of what you seem saying knowing,

maybe that superiority sense of living is due to that knowledge of truth that objective is certainty facts living, then it means for the living perspective how itself might be a certainty fact living too

the problem is the inferiority of truth conscious to be true, and that is why superiority complex is of inferior living move

the point i know is love to truth being all the source of living rights

i mean if objective is living truly then the livings we are are nothing there unless we act as true livings too real

and that what truth seem to say too, the more living objective there is the more subjective die, and not as subjects seem to perceive it as having source supports more to their existing life to become

Sometimes i think if people would just get off the computer and go outside they'd snap out of it.
Go take a walk through the woods, or sit on a beach, or better yet go fishing. Fishing is a great way to clear your mind and just concentrate and see what is right in front of you, rather than having your mind roam and get lost.

Take a Bible when you go and when the fishing's slow, read some scripture....and let go of everything that your mind is trying to hold onto.

Another way to clear your head is working out. After a super intense set of dead-lifts or squats, everything is cool. Push your body PHYSICALLY to a breaking point, and your mind will have to focus on the body, (rather than other dimensions, or whatever), and your reality will be then and there...grounded and one.

I'm convinced that the key to bringing the mind in check is through the body, and on a physical level. Don't get lost in your own mind by sitting around thinking all the time........get up and sweat your ass off or throw a line in the water and hook a big ass fish. I guarantee it will keep you grounded.

reply to post by Romans 10:9


I guess it is different stokes for different folks. I don't think forcing myself to ignore reality and actively trying to ignore it is how I want to go through life. I understand what you are saying though and that works for a lot of people.

reply to post by Im a Marty


As a future practioner I hope you don't mind me throwing some questions on the disorder itself.

1. How fast are your switches? Are you a quick switcher where you change in an instant or do you take time to swap poles?

2. Do you have any exercises or behaviors that ease the mania?

3. Do you have any lack of inhibition when you are manic? Do you spend needlessly or overeat when feeling this way?

again sorry if this get's too much into details you are interested in telling me. If you choose not to answer those you won't hurt my feelings

-Kyo

Romans: You seem to be one of those people that think these issues can be easily snapped out of, hardly the case.

When i was manic, I was doing physical exercise, running, jogging, and pumping weights, i was feeling awesome....but thats it...i was feeling TOO good, i don't expect people to understand, but your suggestions wouldn't have helped, reading the bible would induce granduous thinking. I did read the bible once, I believed I was a saint and a messenger from god at one stage during an episode of mania. What makes you think I was always at the computer? If you read my post, I walked a lot too. I DID spend time outdoors. Sorry, its not 'easy' to snap out of it.

reply to post by KyoZero


1) My depression would last months, with a peak of mania lasting two weeks before I had to be hospitalised. The reason being, i was becoming a danger to myself as at one stage I lost all emotion.

2) Unfortunately no, when manic though, its harder to accept that your manic until you come out of it. I now do have a checklist, but that was since the last episode.

3) I lost all interest in eating. I dropped 10kg in 2 weeks, didn't eat, and didn't sleep, yet was full of energy.

I hope these clarify your questions

Marty

sadly I am not through yet

I appreciate the unbiased opinions here

I can understand very well how a bible or exercise wouldn't help because this isn't a matter of physical energy it's more psychosocial from what I understand. I've studied of a few people who were cyclothymic or bipolar and it does shock me how people just seem to think you can just stop being manic.

Now then...

1. Regarding your checklist, what sort of things do you notice in the prephases of your mania or while you are actually in the manic periods?

2. This one may be more personal yet so again don't answer if you don't want. Do you take anything to help level you out?

3. Regarding what Romans said (which I agree with on a general level but disagree with on your level. Spirituality and phsyial fitness is important...but in your situation these things will do nothing to ease the mania) do you ever find strained relationships with close family or friends who can't or don't want to understand you issue? Do they struggle to cope with your mania or depression as well?

-Kyo


[edit on 9-3-2010 by KyoZero]

Originally posted by KyoZero
1. Regarding your checklist, what sort of things do you notice in the prephases of your mania or while you are actually in the manic periods?

2. This one may be more personal yet so again don't answer if you don't want. Do you take anything to help level you out?

3. Regarding what Romans said (which I agree with on a general level but disagree with on your level. Spirituality and phsyial fitness is important...but in your situation these things will do nothing to ease the mania) do you ever find strained relationships with close family or friends who can't or don't want to understand you issue? Do they struggle to cope with your mania or depression as well?

1) Prephases is usually normal excitability, and happiness, but excessive. Whilst manic I would make haste decisions to buy a car or get a loan. When i start making big life altering decisions that I normally wouldn't make, then I would say I'm in a state of mania.

2) I didn't take anything to level me out, the last time i had mania i was hospitalised due to 'losing touch of reality'. During that time I was given prescription medication which put me in a state of depression

3) Yes, strained relationships in all walks, inclusive of wife and siblings. My wife screamed at me saying she didn't know who i was anymore, and my brothers simply dissapeared not wanting to know anything. It all cleared up when I became stable of course

reply to post by Im a Marty


Out of curiosity, were you doing any sort of chakra meditation prior to your mania? This sounds similar stories that I have read about when people try to do kundalini meditation and aren't prepared or do it incorrectly.

Originally posted by Karlhungis
reply to post by Im a Marty

 

Out of curiosity, were you doing any sort of chakra meditation prior to your mania? This sounds similar stories that I have read about when people try to do kundalini meditation and aren't prepared or do it incorrectly.

Coincidently............... wow, you've hit the nail on the head!

I was actually doing Holoysync but I jumped ahead and did not do them in order. This was with the binaural beats system i believe.

So what are the 'side effects' of premature Kundalini activation?

reply to post by Im a Marty


Side effects are pretty much insanity and dreams of grandeur. There are some really weird stories of people that have done it improperly. So you were pretty stable before the holosync?