im just starting here you go

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posted on Mar, 3 2010 @ 05:07 PM
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my first thread here our three poems that i wrote, i just starting so please let me know what you think

wish upon a star
to see what is so far
nubuleas and black holes
civliazations that havent took hold
i wish upon a star to see what is so far
stars that have died planets that colide
galaxies here and there gamma bursts from god knows where
i wish upon a star to see what is so far
solar systems being born meteor goin home
i wish upon a star to see what is so far
the edge of universe is what i see
what comes next well have to wait
but for now let us enjoy the night sky
wishing upon this star to see what is so far

meet a girl changed the way i see the world
her beauty calms the soul
is my destiny finally whole
in this long winding road
how can i be sure im not blinded
by her beauty and baited by her soul
i wish to see her in pure form
scared of reality and what it holds
monster in disguise or a angel from up high
my heart aches to be whole seeing the end is the goal
am i doomed to be alone insecurities is all i know
her soul calls me
cant let her just walk into the night
what if i miss the chance to be with the love of my life

im sickned by what i see starving children and greed
money laundring to make it look clean but blood is on your
soul nothing that i know can ever redeem you from your deeds
justice is poetic and life underrated in this world we see the
elite assend but where shall they go there deeds will haunt them
wherever they go our families will forever know we where enslaved
made to believe we needed someone to tell us what to do conditioned to be useless unless under servitude
when will liberity come when will freedom be rang
when will chidlren be fed
when will money be used for fire instead i dream the dream that few have seen
i see paradise in everything i see
even in humanuty there is much to be seen
if we can stop from destroying everything we see

so ill say again im just starting to write poems so let me know what all of you think




posted on Mar, 5 2010 @ 11:36 PM
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I like them. Especially the first one. It is beautiful in my eyes. The third one is great too. I feel the same way



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:09 PM
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reply to post by capgirl
 


thank you i just started writing poems so im still trying to get the creative part of me going do you write



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:20 PM
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Yes I do =) here are couple of my works

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Hope you like them

All the hatred that may be
take my hand and you will see

Behind the hatred there is love
Inside the person there is a dove

A dove of peace and of trust
If they just look behind the lust

the lust of money the lust of lies
They could stop this if they would try

So take my hand and you will see
The perfect world that could be

edit to share this one

[edit on 6-3-2010 by capgirl]



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:25 PM
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reply to post by capgirl
 


i already s&f them i like them, yep im starting on some more poems today

nice i like this one the best mybe you could give me a few tips for writing poems

[edit on 6-3-2010 by truth_of_truth]



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:29 PM
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Ever since I was shown the collaborative writing forum, I became more creative. Replying to other peoples poems in poem form really helps get your creative juices flowing. It's alot of fun I think =)



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:40 PM
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reply to post by capgirl
 


ahhh i still have trouble writing just out of no where, i cant just start typing
i have to just keep trying



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:40 PM
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reply to post by capgirl
 


ahhh i still have trouble writing just out of no where, i cant just start typing
i have to just keep trying



posted on Mar, 6 2010 @ 01:43 PM
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reply to post by truth_of_truth
 


Practice makes perfect



posted on Mar, 7 2010 @ 01:26 AM
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reply to post by capgirl
 


took me all day to do this one

the skies are dark
my mind is blank my mother is gone
my father on the run
what well become of me
a lonely child without direction
no place to eat and no place to sleep
no one loves in this world of greif
i wish i had a place to weep
i will push on because i must
i well seek truth in the mistrust
where it will lead me no one knows
at the end of my life ill shall know
it aint that bad being on your own





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