A Strange Feeling as of Late...

reply to post by SolarE-Souljah


A lot. More of an interference with my natural balance which is rather good considering I'm out of shape. Walking a balance beam takes no effort and I can usually do it at a brisk pace. Now it seems like there's sort of an.. interference. Like a squelch on a radio signal.. a lack of focus from .. something, that causes me to stumble or stagger at times. I've had a bit of a headache for the last two days and ridiculously good luck today. Going on the track record of the day I bought two random pick lottery tickets just for S&G's. Things are really off-kilter today and I'm not sure what's going on, just hoping to come out the other side safe and sound.

Does your balance feel anything like this?

That looks kinda fun... you just gotta get with the rhythm.
You could say it actually enhances your balance if you practice.

reply to post by Pastamancer


Pastamancer,

First of all, thank you for joining our little thread. I have been following your posts, and I so very appreciate all of your input.

Secondly, thank you so VERY much for the wisdom of your last post. I certainly do feel like the man on the tightrope, and my legs are about to give way underneath me. I am one of the few people that I know that is a true "giver." I'd give you the shirt off my back and the last five bucks in my bank account if you truly needed it. I try to do good by everybody, and it seems that it goes either unnoticed, or is required more and more by the "takers" in my circle of friends.

But this isn't about recognition.

The more and more that I look at my life, the more and more that I realize that I have really let things slip. I have spent so much time freely giving of myself, I haven't taken the time to sit back, crack open the proverbial beer, and turn off the proverbial phone. The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was the text message that I received today...the friend that was upset that I haven't called or talked or hung out with in over a month. We have been friends for well over 10 years, and this person threatens me the way they did this afternoon. I almost wanted to tell them "fine, if you're going to be that way, and not even bother asking about what's going on with me, then to hell with you." Of course, being the kind person that I am, I managed to squeeze this person in this week, between rehearsals, meetings, and what little personal free time that I have. Most of my friends understand that when I'm on a "Yoda trip" as they like to say, they know to just let me have my few weeks of solitude. This person uses threats, guilt trips, etc. to force me to do things that I just don't have time to do (or just don't have the energy for). I wonder some days why I keep doing this to myself. I'm not Superman, like you have said, but I like to play him on TV. Being self sacrificing isn't helping me any, and it certainly doesn't help my metaphysical pursuits.


Which brings me to the main point of my story (and something that Sol brought up):

Balance.

The proverbial tight rope that we walk on is also a dangerous place to be, yet we all walk on it every day of our lives. The wind blows a certain way, or one wrong step causes one to fall. Some of us have a safety net. Many of us don't. Some of us are agile enough to grab the rope if we fall, some of us aren't strong enough to hold on without help. I have a steel grip, but my fingers keep slipping every day. My life is very out of balance, and it took the text message today to make me realize that. The people hanging on to my legs trying to climb up me to reach the top are weighing me down. My grip loosens. Yes. I'm hanging on by the proverbial thread. While my "safety net" is well in place, and has been for a very long time, falling is the worst feeling that one could ever feel. Sometimes we fall so we can learn to get back up (Thank you Alfred Pennyworth), and sometimes we fall because of all the extra baggage that we carry (in the form of people, emotions, past trauma, metaphysical issues, etc.). The point being, that in order to reach the balance that we each need, the extra weight needs to fall if we are to get back onto the tightrope, only to do the whole process over again the next day.

The world as a whole seems to be out of balance. The love that our small group has been putting out into the world is being snuffed out, one positive thought at a time. The weight of economics, wars, famine, death, disease, hate, suffering is breaking the collective backs of the entire world. Love can be infectious and needs to be equally balanced with the darker thoughts. Unfortunately, in my opinion, the dark is pushing harder than we can push back with love. Yet, we need to keep trying.

Like I said, tilt too far one way or another, and we fall off the tightrope.


I feel it very much Sol, and while I understand that you are referring to a physical balance, I think the spiritual side of balance is equally as important to discuss. Perhaps the spiritual side of balance is finally bleeding over to the physical side of balance?

I see the world hanging on for dear life, and I only hope that by dropping the extra baggage we can collectively get back on the rope. We must keep trying.


Once again Pastamancer, thank you so much for your words. You have no idea how much you helped me tonight. I'm not used to people helping me, and it's a very refreshing feeling.

Sol, thank you for sparking my mind into another pattern of thoughts. You have equally helped me.


Much love to you all.





Peace be with you.

-truthseeker

I feel this sense of aggravation, frustration, and anger emanating from the world right now.

It is really muddling up my thoughts.

Anyone else feeling this and feel like we are in for some more BS in the near future?

Originally posted by SolarE-Souljah
I feel this sense of aggravation, frustration, and anger emanating from the world right now.

This sounds like what I'm emanating at the moment

Waves of negativity last night - check
Wobbly balance this morning - check

1) Bus turned up late this morning and drove straight past, next two buses never showed up, arrived at work late.

2) Then told by boss that due to lack of money flow that me and my other half will likely be losing a fair amount of hours each.

So a fun day so far and it isn't even midday ... what else you going to throw at me today universe? Hmm?

- Phoenix

Originally posted by phoenix_zephyr

So a fun day so far and it isn't even midday ... what else you going to throw at me today universe? Hmm?

Be very, very careful how you challenge such things. i did that once.. Sometimes our questions are answered so clearly, it breaks the glass

This is a time of testing. Those who have claimed to be of Love and unity are being put through the paces, so that many may hopefully see beyond their own sight. There are still too many who claim such things but are nothing more than agents of division (and consequent slaves to their own mind).

When you are approached with such feelings, feel and accept them as simply another part of your being and experience in that moment. What base do you come at it from? Is it a constant one, or is it based in what emotions are felt at the time? "Swept out with the current," so to speak? It is easy to spread Love when we are feeling good ourselves, but are we strong enough, or brave enough, to continue such states even in times of despair?

i have rock solid faith that the answer is yes, but as with all things here, only time will tell.

reply to post by truthseeker1984

Originally posted by truthseeker1984

Once again Pastamancer, thank you so much for your words. You have no idea how much you helped me tonight. I'm not used to people helping me, and it's a very refreshing feeling.

You're welcome.. and I have a vague idea of how much it helped. Almost those exact same words were said to me and they changed my life.. and I'll be forever grateful to the person who said them. Consider me the messenger, fate led me here and I tend to flow with the river instead of fight it whenever possible. I only joined this forum a few days ago by pure whim.

If you like.. I have a bit more advice for you. This is simpler.. and this is my own observations. There are no clear cut borders in the spirit world.. or this world for that matter, unless you count political divisions. It's not simply a matter of love pressing against hate, it's also all the emotions in between. People suffer through great frustration and grief and recognize them as hate.. grief itself isn't a negative emotion and neither is love a positive one wholly.

There's love that burns your heart like acid.. you wish you were powerful enough to cast it aside, to love someone healthier for you, someone that would love you like you want to be loved.. There's fear that turns to courage.. the state of energies is fluid as is the state of emotions. This world more than anything that I sense is going through the cosmic tumble dry cycle. Change, chaos, upheaval. I think rather than saying we must press against hate, that we must be grounded. Plant our stakes down and give a semblance of stability for those around us. To remind them not to get caught up in the storm.

Originally posted by SolarE-Souljah
I feel this sense of aggravation, frustration, and anger emanating from the world right now.

It is really muddling up my thoughts.

Anyone else feeling this and feel like we are in for some more BS in the near future?

Originally posted by phoenix_zephyr
So a fun day so far and it isn't even midday ... what else you going to throw at me today universe? Hmm?

Yes.. I feel it. I agree with sinohptik, though. The ground is stirring beneath us and we have to plant our feet and weather it out. I'm not sure we can do anything else right now. I would advise paying more attention to your instincts and intuition right now.. let your conscious mind step back a bit. It's the only thing that's helped me even remotely come out ahead these last few days.

I feel much better today.

Just woke up from 5 hours of sleep.

Gonna do the thing now where I go back to sleep for a couple hours.

When I do this, I usually end up having OBE or really intense dreams.

Will let you know if any cool messages come through.

Wish me luck.

Originally posted by sinohptik

 

Be very, very careful how you challenge such things. i did that once.. Sometimes our questions are answered so clearly, it breaks the glass

I say bring it, I could do with some answers

This is a time of testing. Those who have claimed to be of Love and unity are being put through the paces, so that many may hopefully see beyond their own sight. There are still too many who claim such things but are nothing more than agents of division (and consequent slaves to their own mind).

I've never been one to spout the whole "love and light and unity" thing, that's just not who I am. I do the best I can to help people when I can, I'm not perfect but I do try. Everyone has their selfish moments, everyone has times when they just go "woah, how about some me time?". Sure, there are those that are all about "memememe" but I think it's healthy to be a little bit selfish sometimes. Besides, it's one thing to say you're all about love and light and bunnies called Mr Fluffles, it's quite another to actually act that way. Actions speak louder than words and all that.

When you are approached with such feelings, feel and accept them as simply another part of your being and experience in that moment. What base do you come at it from? Is it a constant one, or is it based in what emotions are felt at the time? "Swept out with the current," so to speak? It is easy to spread Love when we are feeling good ourselves, but are we strong enough, or brave enough, to continue such states even in times of despair?

I take things one event at a time. I used to worry so much about things, it would stress me out something chronic, always trying to forward plan. But nothing ever turns out quite how you expect, you never quite have all the information needed ... which in turn was stressful trying to cope and adjust. These days I generally try and go with the flow of things, but it's hard to sometimes. Always try and keep smiling even if I'm feeling horrible.

Originally posted by Pastamancer

 

Consider me the messenger, fate led me here and I tend to flow with the river instead of fight it whenever possible. I only joined this forum a few days ago by pure whim.

I echo Truthseeker's words in thanks and I think the rope analogy sums up how a lot of people are feeling at the moment. I'm glad you joined, if only because you remind me of KoL and my Accordian Thief

Yes.. I feel it. I agree with sinohptik, though. The ground is stirring beneath us and we have to plant our feet and weather it out. I'm not sure we can do anything else right now. I would advise paying more attention to your instincts and intuition right now.. let your conscious mind step back a bit. It's the only thing that's helped me even remotely come out ahead these last few days.

I agree that nothing is clear cut in this world, perspective and experience colour everything. I generally try and go by instincts/intuition but, well, easier said than done with Cap'n McLogic Brain. I did manage it today though, it was almost a zen-like "zone" moment after I nearly exploded at my other half (very unlike me). So we'll see what the outcome of that is next week, likely nothing but it's a step in the right direction.

My apologies if what I've written seems disjointed at all, I'm having a bad dyspraxic evening and finding it very difficult to put what I want to say into words, there's likely words missing or the wrong words put in. I envy my other half sometimes with his wonderfully verbose range of vocabulary ... see I can use fancy words too

- Phoenix

Originally posted by phoenix_zephyr
I say bring it, I could do with some answers

Such a response from this one is based on my own experience. After making a challenge myself years ago, i was answered.. i lost significant amounts of friends and family to death, lost almost everything i held dear even in my personal life and was in chronic, severe pain from a mis-diagnosed, but very severely ruptured disc in my spine. This went on for years and was very difficult.

The answers came from my own exploration of what was presented, and i firmly believe such a thing could be done through less.. painful methods. Though, perhaps you are like me and need to learn things the hard way, neh? i know it would not have happened any other way for me. i do.. very truly.. miss all the loved ones that passed away during that time though. You make your own choices, all others can do is speak from their own experiences.

I've never been one to spout the whole "love and light and unity" thing, that's just not who I am. I do the best I can to help people when I can, I'm not perfect but I do try. Everyone has their selfish moments, everyone has times when they just go "woah, how about some me time?". Sure, there are those that are all about "memememe" but I think it's healthy to be a little bit selfish sometimes. Besides, it's one thing to say you're all about love and light and bunnies called Mr Fluffles, it's quite another to actually act that way. Actions speak louder than words and all that.

Indeed, but what actions can be shown through text? As for me, this message board represents a very small portion of what i do every day (most of the time anyway ) . Honestly, i mostly use it when im wracking my brain over some mental block. Remember my friend, we all look at the world differently. i have my own definitions for what i feel Love is, and it is most certainly not the directed emotion most are familiar with. Such a thing is based solely in the "action," or brain, and like anything else that is sourced there, can even be considered a "demon" to some religions. The greeks had good reason to have multiple words for such things. It would take too long to go into any reasonable detail, but i basically feel Love (not love) is our limited experiential concept for the actual movement of the universe. Through our limited contexts, we base it in what feels similar (the directed emotion of love) and i dont feel that is entirely correct. Being selfless is also not how i look at it, but more a redefinition of what "self" is. If one gives their all to others without realizing they are also part of the self, they may end up being the weak link in the chain, so to speak, and causing more "harm" than good. The "unity" comes from understanding such a redefinition of "self," and the Love (not love) is also based in such an experiential discovery (as almost an inevitability). It was clearly shown as i practiced "being" and allowing multiple systems (thought processes, lungs, heart etc) to exist simultaneously and continuously in ones individual perspective. Many seem to have this definition of Love where one simply lets all things happen without doing anything. i think this happens because most people are familiar with love, but figure that Love is just the same thing. i capitalize it to show the difference, but many cultures have ended up just coming up with a completely separate word for it. i find using the same word allows everyone to truly see where they are coming from on the topic. Most people find such things to be a weakness. i also found that after moving my perspective from "me" to "we," that Unity was already present, just not within my own perspective. If you are so inclined, feel free to use any other experiential emotion that you would rather use, as they all describe the exact same sensation and experience (respect, compassion, love, largesse, kindness, etc), we just split it into different contexts. In threads such as this, i put things in the way i see them, in others, i will use words that i know will get a better response. In the end, the same thing would happen if humanity would decide to co-operate instead of compete to progress our race. If we could focus on the "competition with oneself" with the support of everyone, it would be the same thing. Frankly, that is how i tend to approach it, but this thread is different

i would love it if you would ask questions about some of the contexts i use, so we can explore them together. You can help this one learn about myself, and if you are open to it, may just learn something yourself! Its easy to simply take the concepts being presented, and just judge them through our own contexts. Though, frequently, what concepts are derived from such an operation will miss the mark as to what concepts were trying to be communicated. This tends to result in no productivity when based in the typical yea/nay scenario. The contexts in which we put things individually, can not necessarily be communicated in totality. On that note, what do you think i mean by my signature? And what would such a statement mean to you personally?

I take things one event at a time. I used to worry so much about things, it would stress me out something chronic, always trying to forward plan. But nothing ever turns out quite how you expect, you never quite have all the information needed ... which in turn was stressful trying to cope and adjust. These days I generally try and go with the flow of things, but it's hard to sometimes. Always try and keep smiling even if I'm feeling horrible.

i must say, i used to think i wasnt always "going with the flow," but i think the reality may be that we are not capable of doing anything else, and that such divisions and ideas of non-complacency may solely be products of our own perspective. As you say, "nothing ever turns out quite how you expect," so it is quite difficult, from our limited action, to determine whether or not we are actually "going with the flow." Or whether or not such an idea is even relevant beyond our own mind.

I agree that nothing is clear cut in this world, perspective and experience colour everything. I generally try and go by instincts/intuition but, well, easier said than done with Cap'n McLogic Brain.

I did manage it today though, it was almost a zen-like "zone" moment after I nearly exploded at my other half (very unlike me). So we'll see what the outcome of that is next week, likely nothing but it's a step in the right direction.

Logic has played a respected role and has brought me to where i am today. However, the greatest step was in realizing that the logic, nor the intuition of my brain, were capable of understanding all parts of my being. Really, it is more a tool than the entire shed. When one tries to use their brain to figure out "being," it is very difficult for a contained system to truly understand the container. Especially if what i suspect is true of significant parts of our body do not exist within a dualistic and balanced material universe, which ones brain most certainly is.

It was through logic that i understood the inherent difficulties in trusting my own brain to actually give anything other than a biased opinion. Logic, like intuition, our mind, lungs, and our heart, is an equal and valid part of ones being. No need to discard one for the other, simply accept them both but do not let them be the sole source of your perspective, they are too limited. As i have found, using them all together, along with the countless other systems that make up our being, is the most effective way to use them. Cooperation instead of competition

Wanted to bring up another phenomenon.

As of late, my sense of time has been off.

We don't have daylight savings time here, so that has nothing to do with it.

Anyway, I have always been pretty good at estimating what time it is.

But lately, I will guess a time, and then be shocked at what time it really is.

For some reason, I guess later than the time it actually is.

For example I might guess 3pm, and it will only be 1pm.

Stuff like that.

Anyone else experiencing this?

Also, still have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind about something ridiculously huge happening soon.

I want to hear from the regulars and new posters. Let's do it.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I call it HDD__---- HeadDisplacementDisorder.. For the past couple of years I have been feeling like the pressure on the outside of my head is not equal to the inside and is trying to equalize which is an unpleasant sensation. I have said it feels like Im in two different dimensions.I experience dizziness also. Im beginning to think a lack of Oxygen could be the cause .

Originally posted by sinohptik
Such a response from this one is based on my own experience. After making a challenge myself years ago, i was answered.. i lost significant amounts of friends and family to death, lost almost everything i held dear even in my personal life and was in chronic, severe pain from a mis-diagnosed, but very severely ruptured disc in my spine. This went on for years and was very difficult.

Sorry for your losses

Though, perhaps you are like me and need to learn things the hard way, neh?

To be honest I don't think I have had a choice in the matter My life has always been hard and whilst I know that a lot of people probably have had it much worse, I've had my fair share. Throughout my life I've been abused, bullied, penniless, homeless, battled depression, coped with dyslexia/dyspraxia and still live to tell the tale with a smile on my face

The fact that the past 2 years have been relatively uneventful has been nice, hell, it's been more than nice, it's been awesome. I think, unlike you, that I've been very lucky when it comes to experiencing deaths of loved ones. I have a fairly small family (never met my dad or that side of the family) who tend to live for a long long time. My great-grandfather was nearly 100 when he passed away though I was too young to really understand it.

So yeah, I'd rather not have to "learn" through people dying I'd rather learn through dot-to-dot or colouring books maybe

Indeed, but what actions can be shown through text?

I know, it's difficult, even getting the right meaning or intent across in text is difficult. Many a forum arguement could be avoided if there was body language or tone of voice to go with it. I was more trying to point out that while some may preach it, do they actually mean it? Or has it become rote/habit? They say about freedom and unity but some that I've encountered here on the boards are more closed minded than you would expect. You so much as whisper the words "science" and it's all "you're brainwashed/you're wrong/it's this way not that way" etc. And vice versa. Just because a "truth" is right for one person, doesn't make it right for another. Perspective.

Me? I try and keep a balance between my scientific mind and my spiritual mind, I'm a physicist at heart

On that note, what do you think i mean by my signature? And what would such a statement mean to you personally?

Radiant state of Love.

Well, my initial thought was related to matter and visualising an element (Love) radiating it's energy. But that's likely due to having just had a conversation about the classic and non-classic states of matter

As you say, "nothing ever turns out quite how you expect," so it is quite difficult, from our limited action, to determine whether or not we are actually "going with the flow."

Yeah I often wonder that. I guess, the way I think of it anyway, is the path of least resistance.

Logic has played a respected role and has brought me to where i am today.

 

It was through logic that i understood the inherent difficulties in trusting my own brain to actually give anything other than a biased opinion. Logic, like intuition, our mind, lungs, and our heart, is an equal and valid part of ones being. No need to discard one for the other, simply accept them both but do not let them be the sole source of your perspective, they are too limited. As i have found, using them all together, along with the countless other systems that make up our being, is the most effective way to use them. Cooperation instead of competition

Oh absolutely, sometimes you have to make that leap of faith so to speak, that gut instinct that contradicts the logic. And vice versa. You shouldn't go to extreemes, find a happy balance between the two

Originally posted by SolarE-Souljah
As of late, my sense of time has been off.
We don't have daylight savings time here, so that has nothing to do with it.
Anyway, I have always been pretty good at estimating what time it is.
Also, still have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind about something ridiculously huge happening soon.
I want to hear from the regulars and new posters. Let's do it.

I've always been very accurate with the time too and only tend to get this/notice this either on Sundays (my day off) or when I get up earlier than normal. So perhaps you're noticing it due to a change in sleep pattern or change in routine?

- Phoenix

reply to post by SolarE-Souljah


I must say i can second this my sense of time is all screwed up, also...

...balance as mentioned before is something I am also having problems with and when I say balance I'm talking about it in the sense of a tight-rope not in the sense of the balance of nature I just wanted to make that clear so that if others do have similar experiences they won't confuse it with the other kind of balance.

Anyway I find myself walking back to work and walking home from work slighlty off balance sort of like I'm drunk, I have no ear problems, drink problems or tinnitus it seems to come and go and has only started within the last 1-2 weeks.

I've had an increase in headaches lately too althoguh I used to suffer from migraines I don't seem to get them anymore (headaches and migraines are two very different things i assure you).

EDIT: Soulja - I forgot to mention I feel there is something about to happen but not for a while like over a month or so, however I do feel a growing sense of destiny and feeling about giving back to the world.

P.S. This thread always seems to bring me back to ATS for the interesting updates t see how everyone is doing, I have it in my bookmarks, I wonder how well this is doing in the page ranking?

well, nothing more to comment that i'm in the search of a new mentor.... my old one just got tired and retired himself frm the "looney bin" and left me alone some weeks ago... it's weird, but even when he hasn't talked to me about this, i can feel it.... the most sad thing is there's not a single peron I know that's well versed in chaos magic and i feel very lost... i need guidance, for sure, and more than that, a person who can say me if i'm doing things right... I haven't felt this alone in years, like an orphan...
situation on home is better now, and i'm working in a big project to earn some big money, i'm putting all my hopes on this so i can leave college at least and start my own business, being independent from my parents at last... still, the first appointment with our clients has been delayed for two weeks and i'm starting to go nuts about this... i've had lots of troube n college lately and i really want to quit as soon as possible...

that's almost everything that had changed since the last time i've updated my status here... if someone knows a nice chaos magician, please give me a contact way hahahaha

- Cags

reply to post by Caggy


I don't know of anyone versed in that area, sorry. Perhaps it time to walk without a safety net for a bit? Here if you need to talk btw

- Phoenix

My dreams have amped up in intensity. Last night was the familiar theme of a small group of people trying to survive on an isolated island or some sort of isolated land mass. We were doing fine, but trying to avoid any government or "official" types. Suddenly, everything changed and we were taken into custody. We were forced to watch as they destroyed the water, land, and air around us in a matter of a day or two. I was sitting on my knees reaching up to the sky in the dream, sobbing, and woke myself up crying over it. These dreams all share that common theme, we are trying to survive outside of the "official" order and wind up being taken over by them anyway and losing all that we love about our freedom and our planet.

that sucks you feel like you want to quit. I hate the feeling of wanting to quit something. I tend to say # it very fast in situations like that so i don't know what to tell you.

One thing I didn't quit on was redoing my floor. what a pain in the ass! the glue was all sticky, I must have washed my hands and the clean up rag about 200 times. well, probably not that much but A LOT. messy paper, messy glue... but I'm done!...well, for the most part with that one room. a lovely dark faux mahogany. I hope that crap is tight on that floor! I know I pressed it down a hell of a lot. I have to build a closet... two actually and a whole bunch of other stuff. bondo/paint the bathtub... do the bathroom floor. do the utility room.hang a door. build a bathroom cabinet. ... but now I can move my computer and my bed and TV into my new room with a new floor. no more nasty carpet.

holy # that was a pain in the ass. I thought "oh what have i got myself into"
that glue down # is crazy.

About an hour ago, I felt a shift. It just came out of nowhere.

I feel uneasy at the moment. I always feel this way right before something big happens...

Keep an eye out and be prepared.