Need advice, girlfriend just walked out.

Originally posted by jrod
I don't want to loose what I have over some stupid website I never should have signed up on. Any thoughts of where to go from here?

It's not the website or anything she saw on it. She was obviously looking for something to break up with you over. Maybe not consciously but subconsciously maybe. She has to deal with her own demons before she'll be able to have any kind of relationship with anyone, including you. And, it's obvious she has not. She should never have entered a new relationship with someone until she had dealt with her own stuff. But a lot of people do this because they don't want to deal with their problems. Kind of like what addicts do. I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole again until she's healthy again... it will only lead to heartache as you are now seeing. I'm sorry for you, I really am but she really did do you a favor breaking up with you before you married her.

What I think upsets her is that I wasn't honest about the websites. It was one of those things I brushed aside when we first got together and pretty much forgot about it. I was on a handful of sites an the one I mentioned was the one that I didn't delete. I have her side of the story and am about to post it.

Her side:

omg

... so get this! sO, he left his gmail open last nite...i shuda left it alone,but damn

couriosity killd my sOuL

turns out that 1 OFTHE many singles website he said "he deleted". he didnt. [grantit he hasnt been on the site since we been 2gethr] BUT he said he never meet any of those skanks and with a lil investigation Searchd his IMs, AND OFthe like 3o+ SAVED contacts THE 1ST 3 I READ WERE LIKE "GOOD SEEIN YOU THE OTHER DAY" ...[R U FUKN KIDDN ME] BOLD FACE LIES [!!!] SOOO MANY OF THEM [!!!] he said "he didnt remember" hah. yahrite. but when he DID remember he "recalled" the name of the places,there names!!!. ..."what happnd to the bad memory???" [MORE LIES] even worse...he says im bein "rediculous" [R!]

i[UHG!!!] ts nOt even the profiles and #t That im so upset about...its the LIES. i cant trust him

@ALL

this is the 2nd argument about him lieN to me. hes says hez sorry, but then hell be like "i didnt DO anything wrong" pshhhh[!!!] Xcept LIEn TO ME[!!!] i swear i think ID RATHER date a playr thats honest, then sum1 i cant trust.

[gasp] SPEAKN of which: hez all like "im not a player" & "im not that kind of guy"
LOL_ in his gmail, hez writn "i loveyou/missyou to BOTH his Xs @ the SAME TYME [!!!] ya...[just like a guy] playOnFuknPlaya.

SO i went to the titty bar sOLo last nite. [str8 tequlla nite] came hOme and he posted this pritty Long "need realationship advice" blog on like 3 websites. [but from his point of view].Many many responces ALL bashn me...whatever. all talkn bout if thrz no trust, it aint worth savin. [truth] but ive been NUTHINGBUT honest with him and he broke the trust.
lemmee paste:::

I had a feeling I'd get that response, ... but only another guy would see it that way.

... and yes, in most cases I'd say forget about her, ... but no, I'm trying to help the OP accomplish his goal.

Really ?? stalkers write their gf's love letters and send them roses ?? no no, thats whats called a good bf.

all is fair, in love and war.

reply to post by jrod


Is she stalking you? How would she know that you asked for relationship advice on several sites?


Sorry man, but it looks like she is fishing for a reason to break up with you. And sitting here calling girls skanks just because you talked to them before you even met her is setting of the crazy radar.

I think you need to cut your losses.

[edit on 28-2-2010 by nixie_nox]

reply to post by IntastellaBurst


Yea bro, its cool when you do that with a gf or wife. But someone that has broken up with you?

From what I have been reading here, and I really am only getting one side of it. Chick is a psycho, and dude needs to leave her be. He needs to change his passwords, and get her out of his life. I mean there is openness and honesty in a relationship, then there is someone that is being way overbearing!

All chicks are psycho Wuk, to varying degrees.

this girl will definitely be jealous and controlling, .... but hey, thats just how she shows her love for you, lol.

on the flip side, she's the kind of girl who won't cheat on you.

My ex used to go through the phone bill, and call numbers she didnt recognize. I couldn't go out with my friends without a huge blowout, we spent nearly every minute together, .... hell, as soon as I woke up there would be a message on the answering machine from work, usually singing me a song or something.

I didn't know what I had, ... I broke up with her a few times, ... and the last time was just so hard I couldn't put us back together. I don't want this to happen to you son.


I speak from my own experience, and knowing alot of other girls, .... the last thing you can do after a breakup is give them space. You don't have to stalk, ... but stay in her life someway.

and yeah, .. in most breakup cases I'd say .... leave her be, she doesnt want you . But this girls reason for leaving is all in her head, you didn't do anything wrong, she doesn't realize that nothing has changed, you just have to help her remember that.

reply to post by jrod


First: How did you get this information that she wrote?

Second: How does she know you are posting for advice?

Third: If you have not changed every password on every account you have, DO IT NOW.

Fourth: Leave her alone. If she wants to work it out, let her come to you. DO NOT go to her. Why? Because she already knows that you want to and she's playing a power trip. Don't fall into this. Your relationship (if you can call it that) will NEVER be on an even keel after this, if you do. Wanting to work things out and go forward must be something you both want. She needs to demonstrate this with actions, just as you do. However, apparent stalking and pseudo-dramatics is not the way to go about it.

Fifth: If you have not changed every password on every account you have, DO IT NOW.
_____________________________________

Now, having said all that, I really do hope that things work out for both of you. Good luck.

Sixth: If you have not changed every password on every account you have, DO IT NOW.


seriously.....DO IT NOW....

She stumbled upon this thread and wasn't happy but wanted me to post what she wrote about it. So she knows her words are on here. Funny thing about the passwords, she reset of few of mine to tigerwoods when we were arguing. Things are better now. I'm fine with a jealous girl who I know is faithful.

reply to post by IntastellaBurst

on the flip side, she's the kind of girl who won't cheat on you.

I don't know about all that. Chances are pretty good that the reason she is so suspicious is because she is fooling around on him and wants to preemptively shift any focus away from her activities.

Why am I single? Well gee, a wife that left me for some other guy, that's a pretty good reason to be single. Think she wanted to move in with a stranger she met two days after she wanted to end the marriage with me? Cmon, the lady was fooling around with that guy for months before she left me. This chick is doing the same thing. I bet this chick has plenty of "Nights out with the girls" but freaks when our man here wants to hang with his buds.

This chick is probably playing hide the sausage with some other dude. Worried that she will get caught, so she focuses all the attention towards him in an effort to not get caught herself.

Acts mad, storms out, stays away for days at a time (over at her other Bf's house.) After they are done with a nice weekend tryst, she grudgenly accepts poor old dormat here back. Just waiting for the next lame excuse to dip out on him to her other BF.

reply to post by jrod


Thing is bro, if you take this woman back you better be prepared to tell her you want just as much unrestricted access to her emails and other accounts as she had to yours. After all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

It's her turn. You should be able to look through her stuff too. Make sure that she has been on the up and up.



[edit on 3/1/2010 by whatukno]

Originally posted by jrod
I've been dating a girl for about 6 months and I am completly in love with her. She has had bad experiences in the past so when she wanted to look through my emails I didn't have any problems given her past. She stumbled upon emails from a dating site I signed up for way before we met. When we started dating I deleted profiles and such from such accounts except this one, I just simply changed my status to married and deleted my pics because I didn't bother to go through the steps it wanted to delete my profile completly. Big mistake, she came across old emails from the site and asked me if I remembered my info, I did and used one of my generic passwords and figured I have nothing to hide so I didn't mind her looking through the said site.

So I had scores of contacts on that site, but never got involved with anyone. She flipped and is now convinced I've been playing her. She asked my about some of the girls on there and I truly didn't remember most of them being most were a few email exchanges, and maybe 3 of them I actually went out with once or twice with no fireworks. Even though the timeline is true, all the emails were before we started dating she is convinced that I am playing her and she has even told me she thinks I have alternate emails and have been going behind her back. Nothing I say matters to her now since she thinks I am a player. We've spent almost everyday together and every single night together since we got involved yet she still thinks I have time to see someone else.

I am in love with this girl and dont now where to go from here. She has told me she wished she never met me and I have decieved her which hurts me more than anything. I'm old to know that I need to be with someone who trusts me. I don't want to loose her and up until today all indications were she wanted to marry me. Now my once perfect relationship is destroyed.

I don't want to loose what I have over some stupid website I never should have signed up on. Any thoughts of where to go from here?

Ok, how about this. I do your numerology and see where things went wrong. I'll need your birthday and the name you use as well has her birthday and her name that she uses in full.

I don't want to loose what I have over some stupid website I never should have signed up on. Any thoughts of where to go from here?

It seems you've reconciled, but will you listen to yourself here?

You were wrong to sign up for a dating site back when you were single? No.... She's wrong for not being able to look at dates of the e-mails and do the math...

From what has been provided, you've been nothing but perfectly honest with her, and completely open, and there's no reason to be otherwise. If she can't handle that, or can't admit to her own insecurity, then she won't be able to successfully be in ANY relationship....

Good luck to you both.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I may have jumped the gun when she stormed out the other night but we have been talking and seem to be getting along as good as ever.

Since I dont think this thread is needed anymore, can a MOD please delete or lock it.

Thanks,

Jrod

Locked, per author's request.