Need advice, girlfriend just walked out.

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posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 12:04 AM
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I've been dating a girl for about 6 months and I am completly in love with her. She has had bad experiences in the past so when she wanted to look through my emails I didn't have any problems given her past. She stumbled upon emails from a dating site I signed up for way before we met. When we started dating I deleted profiles and such from such accounts except this one, I just simply changed my status to married and deleted my pics because I didn't bother to go through the steps it wanted to delete my profile completly. Big mistake, she came across old emails from the site and asked me if I remembered my info, I did and used one of my generic passwords and figured I have nothing to hide so I didn't mind her looking through the said site.

So I had scores of contacts on that site, but never got involved with anyone. She flipped and is now convinced I've been playing her. She asked my about some of the girls on there and I truly didn't remember most of them being most were a few email exchanges, and maybe 3 of them I actually went out with once or twice with no fireworks. Even though the timeline is true, all the emails were before we started dating she is convinced that I am playing her and she has even told me she thinks I have alternate emails and have been going behind her back. Nothing I say matters to her now since she thinks I am a player. We've spent almost everyday together and every single night together since we got involved yet she still thinks I have time to see someone else.

I am in love with this girl and dont now where to go from here. She has told me she wished she never met me and I have decieved her which hurts me more than anything. I'm old to know that I need to be with someone who trusts me. I don't want to loose her and up until today all indications were she wanted to marry me. Now my once perfect relationship is destroyed.

I don't want to loose what I have over some stupid website I never should have signed up on. Any thoughts of where to go from here?




posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 12:28 AM
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As they say, if you love someone, let them go, if they return it was meant to be, if they leave, well, it wasn't meant to be.

Sounds to me as if she is the jealous type. Could spell trouble down the road. But if you love her, give her a few days to cool her jets. Then maybe call her. Don't apologize, because you did nothing wrong.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 12:33 AM
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sounds like my ex

First of all, don't feel guilty, ... your GF is a completely paranoid head case, ... but thats ok, if you can get her back she'll always be faithful, trust me.

She sounds like my ex, .... the most important thing you can do right now, ... is not give her any breathing room, don't let her get used to life without you ......

right now she's trying to convince herself that she doesnt love you, and trying to start a new life, .... you cannot let this process go through.

talk to her everyday, .... a few times a day, ... tell her all of that was before she even met you, .... show her the married status on your page.

drill it into her, ... tell her how much you love her, ...

send her roses at work, cards, ..... dont be a guy, ... spill your guts to her, .... tell her how you feel multiplied by 1000, ... so at the end of the day she will be completely blown away by how much you love her.

dont think that she needs time to cool off and she'll come around, .... you gotta be on her like an alabama tick, ... trust me.

write her a love letter everyday untill she comes back, ... make or buy her lunch with these letters in them. use nice water marked paper, no lines.

remind her that you havent ... and you'll never use that site again, .... because you already found the one for you. all that mushy stuff you see in movies .... USE IT.

Im a poet when it comes to letters, if you need any advice or info, ... just u2u me.

I can't bare to see true love lost, don't let her become the one who got away, .... fight for it my friend, with every last breathe.

EDIT: dont listen to WUK, he's single for a reason. LOL.

DO apologize, tell her you should have told her even if you didn't use it. We know you didn't do anything wrong, ..... but her head works differently, ..... you'll discover this in relationships. Usually its best just to apologize and put it past you, than to fight it out.

[edit on 28-2-2010 by IntastellaBurst]



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 12:53 AM
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reply to post by IntastellaBurst
 


They have a word for people that would do what you suggest, Stalker!

Shesh oh Pete man, don't make this guy go through that! He hasn't done anything wrong, his gf is flipping out over nothing, give her some time then talk to her like a normal person.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 02:46 AM
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One would be curious how you can be in love with this chick after you have only been dating her for six months ?

If you really could be bothered going through the hassle of fixing it with this chick thats fine do that,

Im also curious how you can be in love with someone that quite obviously has no trust in you .

odd . . .

Omega



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 03:05 AM
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Originally posted by Omega85
One would be curious how you can be in love with this chick after you have only been dating her for six months ?

If you really could be bothered going through the hassle of fixing it with this chick thats fine do that,

Im also curious how you can be in love with someone that quite obviously has no trust in you .

odd . . .

Omega


I have to admit I was thinking the same things!



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 03:31 AM
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reply to post by IntastellaBurst
 


I like your solution the best! lol! I've sadly been in the place where I was being played very badly by my ex (actually more than one, but that's a whole other thread..) who was genuinely giving me reason to be suspicious...not just my already well developed paranoia...and I can prove it....


She is trying to convince herself that she can do without you, and all of Intastella's solutions can be applied WITHOUT admiting to guilt that you don't have...Wukky is also right...you did nothing wrong, now you have to convince her what's right.

And for the miseries who say how can you be in love in 6 months? Falling in love can take 10 minutes. If you haven't experienced that yet, I'm really sad for you.



[edit on 28-2-2010 by caitlinfae]



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 04:35 AM
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Originally posted by caitlinfae

And for the miseries who say how can you be in love in 6 months? Falling in love can take 10 minutes. If you haven't experienced that yet, I'm really sad for you.

[edit on 28-2-2010 by caitlinfae]


LOL , For the pompous that think they can know everything about love and experience the full potential of it in ten minutes , I feel sad for you



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 04:46 AM
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reply to post by Omega85
 


Ah see, now you're very pompously assuming too much
and I never ever claimed that it was possible to experience the full potential of anything in 10 minutes.....perhaps I should have been more specific. I'm not belittling at all what the OP is feeling in this case...obviously he really cares for this woman, and it is love in all it's potential...but the start of that, the "falling" part of falling in love can be pretty near instantaneous in my experience, and no I don't mean lust either....I mean love. Maybe your experience will never be that, and that makes me feel sad for you, cos it's an incredible process to go through.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 04:51 AM
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reply to post by caitlinfae
 



...but the start of that, the "falling" part of falling in love can be pretty near instantaneous in my experience, and no I don't mean lust either...


That exact thing happens to me with every single redhead that I meet.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 04:54 AM
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Originally posted by caitlinfae
reply to post by Omega85
 


Ah see, now you're very pompously assuming too much
and I never ever claimed that it was possible to experience the full potential of anything in 10 minutes.....perhaps I should have been more specific. I'm not belittling at all what the OP is feeling in this case...obviously he really cares for this woman, and it is love in all it's potential...but the start of that, the "falling" part of falling in love can be pretty near instantaneous in my experience, and no I don't mean lust either....I mean love. Maybe your experience will never be that, and that makes me feel sad for you, cos it's an incredible process to go through.


Im assuming to much? lol your the one that posted it .
Going with the general context of the thread you said you could experience love in ten minutes , it was only after i replied to you "Miseries " attempt at a jab that you decided to try and correct what you said .

You dont have to feel sad for me lol you dont know me or my experiences but if you want to feel sad over something that you have no idea about then thats your prerogative .

Yes, you should have been clear .

[edit on 28/2/2010 by Omega85]



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 04:57 AM
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reply to post by Omega85
 


Let's just leave it here...I'm not going to ruin this poor guy's thread with a silly exchange.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 05:17 AM
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Originally posted by caitlinfae
reply to post by IntastellaBurst
 


And for the miseries who say how can you be in love in 6 months? Falling in love can take 10 minutes. If you haven't experienced that yet, I'm really sad for you.



[edit on 28-2-2010 by caitlinfae]


Different for everyone I suppose! i've never even been in love! I just go on what I see around me, and it gets thrown around a hell of a lot!

Sorry for derailing the thread fella! I shall now vanish in a puff of smoke



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 10:27 AM
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reply to post by jrod
 



Well,young man you seriously need to start over and attempt to find another female that is compatible.

It does not matter one iota that you love her.

She will think you are not loyal as long as you are together.

I was married for 22 years.

Prior to getting married but living with her,I had one transgression while extremely drunk out with the boys.

I admitted it and she was devasted,but forgave me.

BUT, she was untrustworthy and suspicious of my activities during our whole marriage.

I had never even considered doing anything that would again make her unhappy, but she never believe me.

She left me a year ago.She didn't leave me,she died.

If you take that girl back your life will be nothing more than trying to convince her,you are faithful.

There are other women out there.

Clean your computer up and look for the right one.

She is not it.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 10:33 AM
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Her mis-trust started when I recieved a phone call from my local area code at like 1am on a friday. I didn't answer and brushed it off, she was curious and the number called again about a week later I answered and it was a girl and when I asked her who this is she ask me the same. From that point on she was convinced that I knoew who called me and was trying to cover it up. Then she went through my phone and questioned me about every contact and started accusing me of texting girls but deleting them so she wouldn't know, (mind you the Tiger Woods mania was going on so I know where she got the idea). I then told her I cannot be with someone that does not trust me but we reconciled after than even though she told me she thinks I was lying to her about that phone number. I promised I would earn her trust back.

So when she asked to look through my emails I didn't think it would be a problem. I have an old account on yahoo and sent messages dating back years, as well as emails from the dating site. While I was in the Navy I was still talking to my girlfriend in Florida and started dating a girl up in Virginia where I was stationed for a bit. She found those emails and that convinced her that I am a play around. So when my okcupid account was not deleted and she stumbled upon emails from that site I gave her my password so she could check for her self. For the record I wanted to delete my account on okcupid but could not find the link on their website so I deleted my pics, changed my status to married and attempted to delete all words in my profile(for whatever reason I still had words on my profile, though no pics and a married status) so I got another strike. This is what set her off. I have emailed the staff on okcupid hoping they can confirm I have been inactive and to please delete my account.

I was a fool to sign up for an online dating website, I only did it because my last days in the Navy I had a lot of down time on the computer so those sites were a good time kill and I was single at that time.

I know how important trust is. I do love this girl, before all this we had the perfect relationship and the perfect life together, now that is ruined. Nothing I've said or written her has helped. She is an amazing girl who got married and divorced to a looser before she was 21, I know that is where her mis-trust comes from. She is completly heartbroken right now and nothing I say makes her feel better. To her I'm just like Tiger Woods.

I can't stop cursing the computer and cell phone(which is now smashed to pieces), had it not been for all of this I feel like our relationship would still be flawless.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 10:35 AM
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reply to post by Oneolddude
 


What is killing me is how heart broken she is now. She was truly in love with me and believes I have been playing her.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 10:35 AM
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Do what WUK told you.. Leave her alone for a while so she realizes what she had. She WILL come back if she really feels the same way about you.

I know how it feels believe me.. You're sitting there and are about to give her a call or an sms. But don't. Don't feel guilty and try to distract yourself with something.

Good luck dude



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 10:42 AM
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I understand you think your in love with this girl. But what you have just witnessed is the first taking off of the rose colored glasses.

She obviously has a lot of baggage. It is not the computer's fault, it is not the phone's fault.

She brought her baggage to the relationship.If she is still so sore from past faults she was never ready for it.

And seeing that you were dating two girls at once probably sent major alarms for her.


If she is getting that out of shape without listening to you, if indeed you are telling us the truth, then you have to realize that in about 2 years time, having to constantly reassure her insecurities will get really, really old.



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 11:00 AM
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While I was in the Navy I was still talking to my girlfriend in Florida and started dating a girl up in Virginia where I was stationed for a bit.

Well,young man,I am a retired sailor.THAT reputation("A girl in every port") you will NEVER get rid of.

I know.That was my problem too.The truth is before I met my wife I could count all my sexual encounters on one hand and have fingers left over.

But I could never convince her that the person she assumed I was ,was not the person I really was.

You; your best bet is to write her a heart filled letter(don't e-mail her)write it on paper(they like cards and letters,they keep them forever,you know) expressing your feelings for her and how you truly are as a person,and mail it to her.

Stop having sex with her!If that is the only thing you two have in your relationship,then you really have nothing.That should be a special moment for the two of you and not just a wild sexual encounter.

If the two of you, STILL can be around each other and not have or think of sex with each other then you may have found a true love.To many young people confuse raging hormones for love.

Thank you for your service,to your country!



[edit on 28-2-2010 by Oneolddude]



posted on Feb, 28 2010 @ 12:45 PM
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reply to post by Oneolddude
 


I am so very sorry about your loss. I am not trying to harp on this in any way, just giving some food for thought.

If your wife, after 22 years was still did not trust you over that transgression, she never really forgave you. Or she was using it to her advantage. Either way, it should of never gone on that long.
After infidelity, both persons have to work on rebuilding the relationship.

That is a long time to hang on to something, even infidelity. There are steps that need to be taken to heal the relationship, and it seems it never happened.

Everyone is gonna have a little amount of distrust, that is human nature. Nature designed us to keep an eye out for competition. But over one incident years old is a problem.




[edit on 28-2-2010 by nixie_nox]





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