Ice as Thick as Blood

Hello ATS members! I've never really visited the short story forum until now, and it's nice to see so much creativity going on! However, like many of you posting here, I secretly have a passion for writing as well. Over the past 5 years, I have written over 500 pages over the course of 2 "stories" about a particular war, all fictional of course.
It's just a hobby of mine, and something I do when I feel like it. I don't really have any intention to get it published or anything, so I don't really share it with people other than a few parts with my girlfriend. But today, after seeing this forum, I felt like sharing a bit with you members to see what you think, get some feedback! If you would like to read more, I will provide a full 13 page excerpt PDF at the end of this post!

So, I will present to you here in the thread an excerpt of an excerpt!
And just some background: Ice as Thick as Blood is my second title in an ongoing series of my own writing, regarding global war and geo-politics. The elements within the story are unrealistic, but I like to use real world locations, and real world data on various things such as weaponry. The first story I wrote regarded a Soviet Invasion of Present day North America, whereas the second one continues on 2 years later of the North American and European Invasion of the Middle East. It's far fetched, so read at your own risk:



August 13th, 2009 12:01 AM PST, Vancouver, British Columbia

The throbbing pulse of the music made him feel especially sadistic.
The oscillation of the synthetic melody became louder, then went into a
decrescendo, and repeated this rhythm over the course of the seemingly never-
ending techno trance. Something about this particular composition of musical
organization got under his skin, in a way he liked, in a way that made him feel
uneasy and edgy. He loved the night time, more specifically, the urban night time.
Civilization had conquered the darkness, replacing it with artificial light where it
existed. Something about being enveloped in darkness yet in an island of light
appealed to him, and at it, the very core of what it meant to be partaking of the
night life; being conscious when you were supposed to be unconscious. Defiance.
He loved the atmosphere that the urban night brought along with the setting of
the sun, and he loved to be in the centre of it. The trance that was playing at the
club, he especially enjoyed it, and it seemed as if it had been playing all night. It
was a simple tune, yet with a melody that appealed to the ears. The night club
itself was one of his personal favorites. The Afterlife was situated in downtown
Vancouver, a three story, no-smoking-allowed, high-end, “purple and pink
atmosphere” night club. It was popular among the young, childless professionals,
something he was himself was. He had spent a lot of time here in the past, but
not so much during the last few months. Now he was trying to fit in as much time
at this particular venue as he could, while he could. Although the club had exotic
dancers in some small areas, that's not why he came here. He mostly visited the
venue for its upper class appeal and dark atmosphere. This is where young
lawyers, architects, economists, politicians, businessmen, and other professionals
all gathered to escape the troubles of life and drown themselves in the musical
daze and exquisite drinks. He mostly came here to watch others and enjoy the
music. Somehow the music was the thing that appealed to him the most, and he
kept on thinking about it. The idea continually resurfaced in his dark mind. He sat
back against the hard leather couch illuminated by dim, purple lights encased in
glass underneath the floor, and sipped his Dry Martini. He sat alone, staring off
past the thin black furnishings in the surroundings and towards the near-empty
dance floor. He could care less for dancing. In fact, he preferred being single and
alone. It allowed him to dwell on his thoughts, and analyze his own thinking
instead of devoting attention to some “other” person. The abstraction of the
musical background only created white noise for his own mind, bringing him to a
place in his own head where the rest of the world did not exist, and only the
thoughts of his mind and the music. They would not find him here. And so what if they did? What would they do? Kill him? Only his mind held the information
required to extinguish the coming terror, and if his mind was laid to rest, then so
would the solution to their problems; it would be gone.


If you read all that, thank you and please provide some criticism, as I would really appreciate that so I can work on my writing skills. I know the scene doesn't have much to do with my immediate theme, but it ties in with the overarching events of the entire story.

If you would like to read more, feel free to read the entire 13 page PDF sample I have prepared for just such an occasion, which can be found on ATS Media PDF Download here: Link!

Thanks again!

Edit to add: If you download and read the PDF, you will find a obscene word along with suggestive content. I hope that doesn't violate the T & C!

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