Social Anxiety discussion

Thank you for posting this thread. I suffer from that as well. FOr me it's mainly just social events. I work with lots of people and am usually fine there. However when a work friend wants to do something with a bunch of other work friends and i get invited my first inclination is to either say no im not up for it, or i'd be in like a good social mood at the time and say yes definately, but when i think of me saying yes and the situation i'll be in, i rather regret it because i know i'll be anxious and nervous.

For instance i was meant to go to a friends birthday outing on thursday. i didn't end up going. I said i would go but didn't because i felt too much anxiety. I just didn't go, didn't tell anyone i wasn't going, and when i got a phone call asking where i was i said "where am i meant ot be?". Like i forgot totally about it. But i didn't... I'm perfectly fine with these people at work, i've gone to social gatherings with them all before and was fine.... it's just the idea i guess that i wont be fine....and putting me in this situation...

I have another birthday "escape" to stradbroke island for a few days. I'm taking my car and some people over there.... and going to be over there for a few days. Already the anxiety is setting in. I'm sure we'll have a great time once over there but, just putting me in this social situation....anxiety is already skyrocketing...

I guess thats why i have no friends outside of work... after moving to QLD and living here for 4 years...

reply to post by Novise


I too am a blusher! it shows so bad on me aswell, because i'm very pale, sometimes I blush for no reason in particular, and when I notice it I go even more red, it's horrific

reply to post by cLOUDDEAD


Good for you man! decent girls are as easy to find as Kryptonite!

reply to post by DaRAGE


I know exactly what you mean, but along with the SA i'm not really a person who likes parties and such anymore, i'd much rather stay at home with a book, tv or whatever, so I try not to tie those together. But yeah, those situations are not great with this condition!








[edit on 22-2-2010 by valiant]

Hey. Thanks for the post, i've always wanted to chat to other people about this

All those symptoms match mine, except for the panic attacks... and i'm not really afraid to leave home. The worst thing for me is the blushing, I worry about it everyday. If I blush when I see/talk to someone I pretty much feel like they hate me afterwards or just think i'm a freak... and I'll dwell on it for ages afterwards. I used to get so nervous i'd get headspins, headaches or just feel like i'm gonna be sick. Now i basically just tremble, get sweaty palms, go red and stress/panic over the stupidest things and it really makes so many normal things impossible. I think its more of a big deal in my mind though than it appears to other people.

The only person who i've told about it is my boyfriend and he's been pretty good and tries to help me get through it. Its good having someone to talk to about it though and that genuinely wants to help. Does anyone else have trouble sleeping? Even though your tired. And figityness. Its like I have a lot of energy but i'm always tired. I'd always thought this was related to anxiety but maybe not.

I think if it wasn't for SA i'd be an outgoing person. Theres so many things i'd love to do - simple things, but I cant. I even know how stupid my way of thinking is and how unrealistic it can be at times, but I cant stop it. I rekon facing the fears is the best way to get over it but im too terrified to even try haha I wanna try hypnotherapy. Has anyone tried it and found it to help... or not help?

Social anxiety is a widespread occurrence around the world. Not many people wish to talk about it out of fear of being judged, but it affects many seemingly "normal" people. It doesn't make you a freak or less of a person. Some people enjoy being out there and socialising at every chance they get, some don't. Some feel very confident and happy when they are surrounded by large groups of their family/friends, others don't. Some people enjoy being surrounded by diversity, others don't. Everyone is different.

I will be more specific with my own symptoms so you get an idea of what I mean. I have suffered from social anxiety around since my late teens like the OP. I am by nature a shy person, always have been. This has become gradually less of a problem as I have aged. But, if I meet new people - even those I like - I am very hesitant to go out and socialise with them. I fear that I will say something or act in a way others consider "abnormal" and don't want them to think of me as different. This deters me from socialising and mixing with those I have only recently met.

I also don't like being the centre of attention or standing out when I'm around large groups of strangers. It takes me a while to warm up and be open around new people. After I have met several times with the same people, the level of anxiety becomes greatly reduced. But I am still weary about how other people around perceive me so need to be on guard.

[edit on 23/2/2010 by Dark Ghost]

I see alot of "I'm afraid of how people will judge me" on this thread. Guys, people think all kinds of crazy things about people. Slut, whore, wierdo, wacko, introvert, extrovert, big mouth, fat ass, bean pole, ugly, beautiful, prima donna, cheater, social deviant, malicious, stoner, drunk, egotist...the list of labels go on and on and on...what you have to understand is that almost everyone is insecure, hence the need to hide aspects of themselves from people. Watch people sometimes, it might even make you laugh, the lengths people will go to to save face. Try not to take things so seriously! You all seem like intelligent, honest, friendly people to me, sweaty palms, rosy cheeks and all. If that is the way you are, that is the way you are. Don't try to change yourself to fit in. When you blush or shake just laugh at yourself and say "I can't help it, its just the way I am" People used to call me shaking steven in school (as in the pop star) I have nerves like razor blades, When I see people staring at me I just say "i know, i know, i cant help it" That way they know, that I know, that they are looking at it, pondering it, wondering wtf is wrong with this chick...I have always wondered what it would be like to have tons of friends and be soooo popular. It would mean I would have to go against everything I believe in. There are some people out there that are so insecure with themselves they will go to great lengths to pick out every weakness in every single person they can find just to hide their own, most of the time they are things that they see in themselves. These are the confident, popular people you want to be like. Keep a small circle of friends who accept you. Don't worry about the teller at the supermarket....you may never see them again and if you do it will get easier and easier to interact with that person everytime you see them.
The meek shall inheret the Earth. ( No i'm not a Christian...just meek)

reply to post by mutantgenius


Everyone can look logically at a situation before hand and know it really isn't a big deal and they are simply blowing things out of proportion or having a slightly egotistical view that everyone cares about you in regards to how you look,act or talk etc. But when it actually kicks in that goes right down the toilet and all those things pop into your head and swirl around uncontrollably. I think people with severe social anxiety should try and get help, i only say because it can sometimes lead to severe social phobia or agoraphobia if left to itself. That is something i wouldn't wish on anyone, being housebound for most of my late teens and all the problems that come with that are not very fun. Like i said also, the cases of severe social anxiety disorders or social phobia has increased dramatically. No doubt a direct result of the sort of society we live in nowadays.

reply to post by kato_11960


It's great that you have someone you can tell and seems to understand/help you with it!

I too have had the sick feeling, mostly when I convince myself that I have made a fool of myself, rather than what if! it's not very pleasant in the least, thankfully it doesn't go that far usually!

I have heaps of trouble sleeping, very rarely will I sleep through, i'm up all hours, part of the problem is I just think too much! my mind is always racing around and barely gets a rest!

Yeah, I agree, facing your fear has brought me a long way in the last year! it's never easy, but worth it!

Good luck!

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Thanks for sharing Dark Ghost!

Attention is the enemy as far as i'm concerned, the less the better! leave it to those who breathe it

reply to post by mutantgenius


Thanks Mutantgenius good post!

I think you're correct, but it's the letting what you allready know sink in that's the trouble, and unfortunately the anxiety seems to win over the majority of the time!

That's not nice for you, i'm sorry you had to go through that at school, can't imagine how that felt!
Fortunately for me, I always had a good group of friends at school, and didn't ever experience anything like that at high school, I was a completely different person to the one I am now!

Originally posted by Solomons
reply to post by mutantgenius

 

the cases of severe social anxiety disorders or social phobia has increased dramatically. No doubt a direct result of the sort of society we live in nowadays.

I suspect you are spot one solomans! the pressure is incredible sometimes, even for the smallest things!



[edit on 23-2-2010 by valiant]

I too suffered from social phobia, although I seem to have it pretty firmly in check now. On top of that I am also a psychology major. The brain is a very plastic organ, meaning that it can reorganize itself, and while it used to be thought that the adult brain was a static structure, it has since been found that the old adage, neurons that fire together wire together, holds true for adult brains as well. Therefore, any problems you may have can be overcome with enough willpower. While I haven't done on any real research on the physiological causes of social phobia I'd be willing to bet it is caused by a misfiring in a connection between the frontal cortex and the limbic system. This can then cause feelings of dread and fear at times when they would not normally be experienced. This is why many people can trace their social phobia to a specific situation, it establishes the connection between these neurons. If a person is then genetically predisposed to the disorder this connection may fire occasionally during social situations instead of the original connection, making fear the normal response to social responses as the new connection becomes stronger and the old one becomes weak from disuse.

The goal then is to wear down this new connection and strengthen the old one. First, you have to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you as a person, these feelings are simply created by your brain and they can be fixed. Next, you will have to put yourself in situations that make you anxious. It would be best to start off slow and be with people your comfortable with. While your in these situations you can't give in to your fear and remove yourself from the situation, you also want to try to take your mind off of the fear. So, while you're in the anxiety-inducing situation do something that you know you will enjoy and try to keep your mind off the anxiety you're feeling. This will weaken the pathway that connects social situations with fear and instead forge new ones that connect it with feelings of joy. As this becomes more natural try to keep your mind off the anxiety for longer periods of time, so the good pathways will get even stronger and the bad ones will become even weaker. Eventually, feelings of joy will be the norm in social situations.

I've suffered from social anxiety for a long time. It's 90%+ in the past these days, but at one point in time it was quite severe. As a child, I was shy and preferred to be alone or in the company of adults. During my teenage years, I jumped out my shell, but returned after high school. It took a lot of substances for me to interact with the somewhat brite misfits during those years...

It's a bit situational, and although the term is usually in a general way, I think it's an individualized "disorder". There's many things to take into consideration. One being, if you're of high intelligence, you tend to value different things, and see the world differently than most others to a marked degree. This in itself can bring about anxiety in social situations. Highly intelligent people also process quicker than most people, tend to be more sensitive. It can be difficult being brite.

Another thing to consider is physical health. I believe that many people today suffer from several diseases which go undiagnosed, and just push through it one way or another. If the body is continuously physically stressed, this will cause emotional havoc as well. There's a range of things which can be done to improve physical/emotional health here. I'd suggest reading about candida, microbial over growths, and detox methods.

My anxiety got progressively worse every year from age 18-25. I suffered trauma from experiencing the death of my brother a few years ago. Was already in pretty bad shape, but this sent me over the edge. I became a hermit. Any outside interaction caused extreme anxiety. It got so bad, I began worrying over everything 24-7. The fact that I was researching conspiracies and listening to A.J every day surely didn't help!

This is what I did. I started researching alternative solutions to mental issues. Came across Dr. Abram Hoffer speaking about treating schizophrenics, depressives, and the like. I followed his vitamin protocol and noticed an immediate improvement! Then I started incorporating more vitamins, changed my diet around to exclude junk foods, and added in whole foods only. I also started taking adaptogens for a few months, and various detox herbal teas. Oh yes, I also did various candida/microbial overgrowth cleanses. Essential oils to wipe the GI tract, then probiotics to build it back up. I'm now in excellent health, and have very little social anxiety.


Sorry...have to run. Wanted to make this post a little more complete...u2u me anyone if you're interested in details.

Now I must be clear here, because I think the posters that rely on themselves to be strong are the most commendable--I take Klonopin for anxiety, so it helps--but it's not a cure-all...Let me tell you why I continue to take them and hopefully you will get some insight into my "nightmare"---I am a writer and I work from home (at least for now)--if it was up to me, I would go to only a select few social gatherings--however I have kids that are involved in athletics (and are very good at them so I have no choice)---I had the opportunity to freelance for my local newspaper about youth sports and I thought that was great--after all I was already involved with athletics as I said---now imagine a small town with Republicans amock with their ideas on what is wrong/right coupled with some sexism (I am a woman)--now imagine you wrote an article and those in the town that maybe disagreed with your politics/gender/or basically has some jealousy since my boys are very talented (I am not just saying this as a mom--they really are VERY good)--these people tore apart everything you wrote, talked about how you knew nothing about football/baseball/basketball whatever, your writing sucks, etc....at some point I was told there were too many complaints so I was not "allowed" to write anymore~~now people rarely even read this small town paper and probably only read these articles TO complain--but they won as far as they got me "banned" from writing... (and I am a good writer, don't judge me from my posts)--I must also add that I took photos as well and was very recently told I could no longer do that?--

---anyway--social situation on Saturday--basketball banquet approx 500 people there and the head of the BB league says "I would like to thank the (insert publication/newspaper) for listing the game scores (as in scores only, no articles or pictures mentioned)---there was many a smirks and looks in my direction eeeeeeeeeeee--but I had to stay because my son won an award---all I have to say is I am glad I had taken Klonopin earlier and I showed no emotion

So I do not doubt for some people, depending on the circumstances, that you can be singled out and f^%$ed with and people want to see you squirm or lash out in some way...if you don't have to deal with that kind of nonsense however, you can do it OP --

Thanks for listening!!! and send out some positive vibes so that I survive upcoming baseball season!!

reply to post by Xcalibur254


Thank you very much for that! made alot of sense

reply to post by unityemissions


Very interesting thanks, and mirroring my situation in parts which is kind of comforting!

Funny you mention diet actually, because I changed mine around a year ago and this happens to be the same period that i've had a few things under relative control! so I wonder if there's a connection there? also started eating crap over christmas and had a slight low period! makes you think!
Another thing also, is that this last week and a half i've been eating paleo style! basically nothing but meat, and I have noticed a slight lift in mood amongst other things, it's just I have a small trip coming up in march that throws me in the middle of a group of strangers, and this is what has been stressing me lately, one of the reasons I made the OP in fact!

reply to post by mkultraangel


Medication or not Mk this is such a tough thing to live with you're just as strong as the next person who suffers it!

That seems a lot to deal with no idea how I would cope?
One thing i'll say though is I was on pills for depression for a year, and at first I thought I couldn't do it without them, seriously you've never seen a man cry so much, but I soon found they were not really working and it was all in my head? so anyway I stopped taking them and that was maybe 2 years ago? I still go through cycles of depression but I cope and am in a far better situation now than anytime when I was taking them! I was stronger than I thought!

Good luck

reply to post by valiant


Sounds like issues in the GI tract. Hippocrates said that all disease begins in the gut. A keen observation. We know it's not as simple as that now, but truly this does seem a root of many ailments. If you have medical insurance and get the chance, get your digestive enzyme levels checked. You may be unable to process certain foods like dairy, fruits & veggies, or certain grains. You can also just pick up some digestive enzymes and try that out for a week taking them with meals. I've been meaning to try this as well.

As an above poster said, ask the question to yourself, "what's the worst that could possibly happen". Really good advice. If you're of a strong mind, rationality can supersede emotional issues.

Hope ya have a great trip.

[edit on 24-2-2010 by unityemissions]

reply to post by valiant


To take or not take meds has been the topic of many a forum I just wanted to put in my 2cents as far as pointing out that some people are forced into social situations and others have a choice as to what kind of people they can surround themselves with...I hope that for your depression/anxiety that you have supportive people around you that can help you maybe notice things that you aren't noticing--like if you seem to be sadder than usual or on the positive --dealing with social situations in a way that seems like progress.

I don't think that I would recommend benzos for anxiety (because they ARE addicting) just being very honest that I would have a really hard time coping when I am forced to be around people that don't seem to care if they hurt me though and I see no alternative for the time being---as far as antidepressants ? everyone is different, I have heard that they can help anxiety too, especially Paxil--your choice

maybe there are support groups for this? none in my area but maybe you could check?

reply to post by unityemissions


Thanks, I may just look ito that!

reply to post by mkultraangel


Well I rarely talk about it to anyone, but people know when there is or isn't something wrong, I have such a small family, and my mam is like an eagle so she just knows everything!

Unfortunately support groups wouldn't be my thing, it would terrify me, and i'm the sort of person who rarely let's emotion out infront of people!

Yeah, you're correct on the meds, work for some and not for others, i've heard both sides of it anyway, fortunately I think i'm doing fine without them!

Just want to let people know that fearing how others perceive your words and actions has little to do with the ego or having an inflated sense of self-importance. It is actually quite the opposite. It has to do with a lack of confidence and a bad self-esteem. Fearing that you are not good enough or normal enough to fit in with most other people. Being self-conscious about your self based on how you think others are judging you. It has next to nothing to do with stroking one's ego or making oneself the centre of the universe.

[edit on 25/2/2010 by Dark Ghost]

reply to post by Dark Ghost


not just that, you may fear the consequences of letting others hear you, they would be after you and you dont want that, simply for what you want to stay on your own self track, maybe you dont want to deal with what you dont like, you dont want to feel forced to deal with things you dont want, you dont want to be forced to a reality you dont have any sense of relating to or willing to

you dont want to accept being an animal because from up they are forcing you to that character as if we are only of what we see infront of us and necessarly adapt to

fear is basically the awareness of lacking awareness base

awareness base is constance reality, when you are aware that you cant be because of constant reality base but because of negative aggression to that fact, the immediate translation of that awareness is shaking and fear since it means that you are not in a reality truth and any idea of hope or positive to come is a lie, there is nothing to do but to expect the worse

In regards to diet, both aspartame and msg are neuro-toxins. Caffeine and niccotine are both obvious stress inducing chemicals. Unfortunately I partake in both to excess. Yuk.
In regards to medication, despite popular belief, chemical brain imbalances are only a medical theory and placebos have had much the same effects as the drugs when it comes to anti-deppresents, without all the very gruseome side effects.
I have a friend (who is actually quite outgoing) who takes xanax for GAD. She is now not only hooked on them, but seems to have lost all of her natural coping mechanisms, now a panic attack will cause her to lose her speech or make her feel like she is going to have a stroke.
I would never advocate drugs to cure anxiety or depression. I do not trust the medical community or big-pharma. I've heard the "your not me" etc...and I am not advising anyone to get off their meds. Just giving some info/fact/opinion.

reply to post by mutantgenius


I did admit to taking Klonopin for anxiety and I do find that it helps---the fact that it is addicting however is problematic and if it can be avoided it should be...it can also be dangerous when mixed with alcohol or any other kind of CNS depressant--but having said that, there is some research done by a Dr. Cheney (yes spelled the same way as Dick) that espouses Klonopin as a "neuron protector" and states that if an older person takes it, they WILL NOT get althzeimers (sp?) disease. So it is interesting to think that if people do have something CNS related/brain related that it might not only help them, but prevent them from getting worse---just a thought

aboutmecfs.org...

It is interesting that this doc prescribes Klonopin for people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as he believes that sufferers of CF have sensory overload from all the things around them...hmmm (social anxiety and sensory overload, related?, nonrelated?) I will say from experience it is indeed related...

I've vacillated between timidity around strangers to boisterous confidence around people I was used to. High School was kind of hard because as much as I wanted to be the social, funny, outgoing one (and i was sometimes) I struggled with that same social anxiety that you describe OP. I think social anxiety is a hybrid between clinical depression and low confidence levels. You can help the depression with exercise, companionship and medication. I know many people at this site flat out discount pharmaceuticals, but let me tell you: when I finally started taking my meds on a daily, regular basis my overall sense of well-being is improved. Fixing your confidence is probably more complicated in my opinion. Exercise, again, is great for mind and body. And try to step outside your comfort zone. In fact make a point of doing things that bring you outside of your comfort zone. Fear is a big part of social anxiety too and stepping out of your comfort area really helps break down those barriers. There's no easy way to improve your confidence. You just have to be willing to try new things and push yourself further; succeeding in new endeavors will really boost your self-esteem.