Will YOU Survive Nuclear FallOut?

For my Public Speaking class I had to write a 60 second radio commercial advertising for a product/service. I have decided to post it here for the enjoyment of my friends on ATS

Keep your family safe from harmful atomic rays this nuclear winter with Putin and Putin’s NPF 20,000. Our nuclear protectant formula is a skin salve 100% KGB approved for all of Mother Russia’s enemies.

This product is clinically proven to protect the user from hot flashes, melting face syndrome, death, radioactive body glow, cold war paranoia, nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach…and acne. When the rest of the world is cowering beneath the wooden desks of confused school children, you can rest assured that our product is just as pointless as ducking and covering in the event of atomic warfare.

This advertisement is propaganda written by the HAMMER AND SICKLE for all free market Nations comrade. Please consult your physician if you are pregnant, nursing, or plan on becoming pregnant within the next six months, before using NPF 20,000.

Side effects that may occur include: a sudden decrease in common sense, proletariat uprisings, and the strong urge to set fire to your own cities.

*NO SPETSNAZ WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS PRODUCT, BUT MANY SMALL ANIMALS WERE*

Funny - I like it.


I will survive almost anything because I'm full of preservatives.

reply to post by leftystrat


Lol, yeah, I remember having a conversation with my 9th grade science teacher about how preservatives are causing cadavers do decompose slower than they used to.

Well, at least someone enjoyed my post.

reply to post by dalan.


Is this a done deal, or do you have time for a little tweeking before you read it in class ???

I love it, but a read through took less than 30 seconds.
When I used a Billy Mays voice with certain emphases on words, and dramatic pauses, it was only working at about 43 seconds max.

Push your product so that it sounds like it's something we all need, and want. Get the product name out front so that's the first thing to hit the mind of your audience.

Line 01: NEW NPF 20,000. Yes, Putin's own NPF 20,000.......
Line 02: Keep your family safe from harmful atomic rays this nuclear winter with Putin and Putin’s NPF 20,000. Our nuclear protectant formula is a skin salve 100% KGB approved for all of Mother Russia’s enemies.

Watch that Vince guy that sells the "Slap Chop". The product is also total BS, but he really comes across like he believes in it.

Good stuff.

reply to post by anxietydisorder


Yeah, its a done deal already. I practiced the commercial many times before class, and every time I made it to the 55 second mark (which my professor said is Ok we could go 5 seconds under or over).

The only thing that she said I need to work on is my voice inflection.

I'll check out the Vince guy that you mentioned to see his enthusiasm.

I would like to find someone who knows how to use flash, or any video designing software, to turn this into a video.

It would be hilArious.

Originally posted by anxietydisorder
reply to post by dalan.

 

I love it, but a read through took less than 30 seconds.
When I used a Billy Mays voice with certain emphases on words, and dramatic pauses, it was only working at about 43 seconds max.

How much blow do you need to to do the Billy Mays voice?

It's awfully nice of you to time it for the OP.

reply to post by anxietydisorder


I found a video of that Vince guy, you were right, his enthusiasm is infectious. In fact, I felt myself reaching for my credit card while watching the video...