New Terror Alerts.

Got this email from a friend in Melbourne. don't know if it has done the rounds, so enjoy.

New Terror Alerts:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere... New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "#, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and "The Barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Pure class.

Cheers for the laugh!

reply to post by Chadwickus



Pretty funny hey.

Don't know about you Chad, but I'd never cancel the Barbie! Never.
Not even for Planet X.
In fact, I'd have a Planet X is coming barbie.
the Barbie.

reply to post by atlasastro


Yup, the only time I'd cancel a barbie is if I was going to someone elses place for a barbie

reply to post by Chadwickus


I want OzWeatherman to have a barbie now.

reply to post by atlasastro


With many a bowl of loudmouth soup!

Excellent!!

10 thumbs up for that belly laugh!

Pretty much nailed us English there
Bloody nuisance terrorists...

reply to post by purehughness


I say old chap, rather spot on with your reply!

reply to post by atlasastro

New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "#, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

And we still told the US to go screw itself about Nuclear subs parking up in our waters.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy

This bit kills me rofl

[edit on 8-3-2010 by Welfhard]

reply to post by Welfhard

And we still told the US to go screw itself about Nuclear subs parking up in our waters.

O.K.
O.K.


And O.K.
Brenden McCullum.


O.K
O.K and how hot is Helen Clark.........hang on. :shk:

Its pretty cool though. I love the bit about the Barbies. That just cracks me up.

reply to post by atlasastro

how hot is Helen Clark

I know she both looked and sounded like a horse. The only equestrian quality she lacked was the ability to run fast. But she did well as a prime minister for us. Key is a pompous idiot who don't know what he's doing.

reply to post by Welfhard


Pompous idiots seem to do those jobs really well don't they.
I know Clark was good for you guys.

What I would worry about is Key kissing arse to the UN security council and those said U.S. Nukesubs suddenly finding a parking lot in NZ waters.

But that is not for this thread I guess.