posted on Jan, 19 2010 @ 07:17 PM
First off I would personally like to thank everyone who has posted thus far with what information they could supply it truly has been helpful for
these past day ( almost two days I suppose). So far a complete 180 or perhaps it is a 90 degree flip has happened due to recent events. For the sake
of understanding I will take my time to construct and present my thoughts in the form of this post and two if needed. Hopefully the thoughts that are
streaming through my mind will be more easily understood at this point.
First I would like to begin with the date I posted this topic:
January 18th at 12:56 AM I posted this topic seeing help in dealing with thoughts that seemed unlike those that I generally convey as well as
perceptions that seemed to be streaming in to my mind. The main problem did not lie within' the claim that these thoughts were not my own, but that
the majority of thoughts would never reach me. It would be as if one were reaching up toward carrot only to have it be yanked away as one's hand drew
One person's advice was to try a new method in which to study which in my shoes was easier said than done, but an journey that I would embark on to
see if it would indeed help. With several other ideas coming in just as well one of which the simplicity made it seem harder than it appeared. While
another seemed to have the same problem that I have had just as well for the day.
It wasn't until that I had fallen asleep that things began to take a turn, or should I say the moments leading up to the point in which I would fall
asleep. As the thoughts that were dancing in my head seemed to be those of the future. My mind had begun to make up a scenario in which I was dating a
women with whom I did not get along with fairly well at first, it was as if we had a rivalry between us at first ( and before the idea comes about
bsbray11 this is not the same women of which we are speaking about currently ). Yet as "time" moved on it seemed as if things were going smoothly [
this is where I wasn't able to distinguish whether or not I had fallen asleep by this time or if it was still my conscious mind making scenarios].
Though after a while it seemed as if we had begun to date and before more could be revealed at this time it seems I had blacked out and yet woken up.
This is why I am not sure if it was a dream or if I merely woke up after not remembering my dream.
In any event the day was pretty much like any other actually, I bummed around the house before going to grab a bite to eat. Came home and did a bit
more of my homework before falling asleep [ nothing of importance seems to have happened at this point ]. Though by the time I had awoken it was dark
and for the most part I began to finish up my work that I had begun in the daytime, this had continued on until roughly the same time in which I
posted the topic (as one can see from my last post in here from yesterday which was at 11: 17 PM ).
By the time that I was prepared for another night's sleep this time I had done something different and that was that I would try the method that Drew
had mentioned. Which was repeating I-I-I over and over, for a while I merely felt silly as I laid in bed repeating the same thing over and over again,
and so I began to play with it repeating to myself ( Watashi wa, Watashi wa [ Japanese for I/My/Me ] ). I had did this for quite some time,
approximately one hour and a half to two to give an estimate.
By the time my clock had finally ticked past 3:00 AM I still lay in bed wide awake trying to get to sleep so that I wouldn't be so lethargic in class
for today. It was at this time that the most interesting thing began to happen, I don't know what made me think of it; but the same thought that
happened the night before of the girl I had a rivalry with came back to my mind. Only this time it seemed like we were married and with a child on the
way, I was happy and my dad was happy that he finally got a grand child. I distinctly remember her picking up the phone and stating mother is on the
line, with my response being "Do you mean wrinkles ( my mother's nickname ) or your mother?" I can remember the laugh she gave which brought a
smile to my face. A true smile which has not seen the light of day for some time upon my face for those who do not know me well.
Things began to grow hazier as the thought or dream progressed my mind seemed to be filling with a void and I physically ( I think ) turned over on my
stomach. My mind began to recite over and over again " I want to be a better person, I want to be better for her [ yet I didn't even know who
"her" was], I want to be a good father. Slowly my vision began to grow hazier as if I was about to fall into a deep slumber when suddenly it felt as
if my mind began to dig for something, I'm still not to sure on this part and I have been thinking of it all day. Though I'm pretty sure it felt as
if it was digging something, whether in my soul, mind, subconscious or even my consciousness something was taking place. Within' a matter of seconds
I felt some sort of power envelope my whole body and for a moment a jolt seems to have awoken me ( I think I was awake again, not to sure if I was
dreaming or still slowly falling asleep ). Either way this event seems to have happened three times with the third time I don't know if I said this
or if I thought this by my words were "Yeah...That's how to do it...I remember now..." Before I knew it I think it was then I fell asleep or at
least was whisked away to another dream.
[Continued in Next post]