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Originally posted by odd1out
Your story is similar to mine, barring that particular book title. It was many books, and revelations along the way, a long stint of homelessness/purposelessness, admitting many things about life did not agree with me, that ultimately landed me in a state of perpetual bewilderment.
In any case, I found no solace, no peace, and no friends for many years. My decisions seemed irrational to everyone but me, and in most cases I couldn't even understand what was driving my "antisocial" dropout behavior.
My solution turned out to be a spiritual discovery, personal to me, but entirely necessary before I could ever rouse myself from my lethargy. Some people find no comfort in the motivations of life that drive most "normal" people into doing what's considered rational. For many, the spirit becomes lost in this material world, and conforming to social standards is impossible for them. Once this is recognized, a purpose is laid out, discovered, and motivation is born from the awakening.
I had to redefine my ideas about life, success, and purpose. I realized that I was very selfish, that really it all boiled down to doing what I wanted to do; many times at the expense of others. I discovered that by trying to help others, great satisfaction was realized, purpose was fulfilled, and direction was found. Suddenly my needs were met, and I found I needed to spend far less time worrying about the things so many find important in life. Once a person finds this level of peace, time is plentiful for discovery, for learning, for evolving, in whatever peaceful endeavor they may choose.
Just my personal experience...
Originally posted by SugarCube
I would suggest that you just 'go with it'. I know that sounds wishy-washy and doesn't really tell you anything at all, but that is the point. Rather than letting somebody else you you, just to listen to the inner voice until you have confidence in it.
Think of it in terms of your other capabilities. You probably don't think twice about your other senses, about sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste, but these guide you in your everyday life. So be it if you have a further sense, intuition if you will, or a guiding principle of existence that marks you for a further destiny or eventuality.
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king, so the saying of Erasmus goes. Use that skill or turn of events as much as you would any other sense or opportunity.
Originally posted by sparrowstail
You mentioned you have some native roots in your ancestry?
I immediately thought of the Vision Quest ceremony. Every North American native group had vision questing. Traditionally it was used as a rite of passage for a native youth entering adulthood. They would find their true purpose in life and find inspiration and life answers from a meditative journey through, cleansing, self purification, sense deprivation and fasting. Today it is used for peoples of all ages.
Perhaps a less intense, more meditative version could help you find your center. It sounds like you are off your "true life calibration" or purpose. Perhaps a journey of slowing yourself down clearing your mind and seeking out an elder for some clarity and direction could be of assistance.
Have you ever participated in a Sweat Lodge ceremony? Very cleansing and healing. I recommend it. It is representative of a rebirth, a symbolic, fresh re-emergence or coming out of the womb and into the harsh world of reality, sort of like a fresh start. A good way to detoxify physically and spiritually.
My feeling is that we usually get in our own way with anxiety, stress, self doubt, and other worldly distractions when we are searching for answers.
Put the goal of your happiness and fulfillment in the back of your mind, quietly and calmly reassure yourself from time to time you will get there, and you will naturally make decisions and follow opportunities that lead you to that destination. Have faith and stay out of your own way.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
[edit on 17-1-2010 by sparrowstail]
Originally posted by bestideayet
Maybe I need to open my perceptions a bit. Just an FYI, I've never ever done '___', mushrooms, coc aine, any "illegal" drugs at all, save for marijuana.
Many shaman say the inner mind tells ALL when under "peyote or another mind altering drug".
The little boy inside of me tells me not to, but in a way I feel as if this will open my mind. If it grows in the ground, how can it be bad for me?
As for the actual intuition, I have no clue where to go with it.
No answers, just more questions I guess..
Originally posted by joey_hv
I'll tell you what my dad would have told me (he is ex CIA)
"You need your ass kicked"
and frankly that is what you need. So many missed opportunities. You sound like a spoiled kid that refuses to grow up.
Take some advise from my dad and from the movie fight club and...
GO GET YOUR ASS KICKED!