posted on Jun, 4 2004 @ 02:06 AM
Lord forgive me for this "little pun", but I just couldn't resist this thread.
My brother-in-law sent this to me and I thought I'd share it with you.
Aint this just the way it goes?
Noah's Ark Nixed by Planning Commission
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make
rain until the whole Earth is covered with water and all of the evil
are destroyed, but I want to save a few good people and two of every
living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build me an ark." And
flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.
Noah said, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
Six months later it starts to rain. Thundered the Lord, "You had better
my ark completed or learn to swim for a very long time." And six months
passed. The skies begin to cloud up. Rain began to fall. The Lord saw
Noah was sitting in the front yard weeping. And there was no ark
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my ark?" A lightning bolt crashed
ground next to Noah. "Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my
but there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for
ark's construction project, and your plans did not meet code. So I had
hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over
whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
"My neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the
in my front yard. So I had to get a variance from the City Planning
Commission. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark
there was a ban on cutting trees because of the spotted owl. I had to
convince U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owl,
they would not let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
"Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
could pick up a saw or hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters going on the
and still no owl. Then I started gathering up animals and got sued by
animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
when I got the lawsuit dismissed, EPA notified me that I could not
the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on the
flood. They did not take kindly to the idea that you had jurisdiction
your conduct and you were the supreme being.
"Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new
floodplain. Right now I am still trying to resolve a complaint from the
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I am
supposed to hire, and the IRS has seized all of my assets, claiming I
trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a
from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really do not think
finish your ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
Then the skies began to clear. The sun began to shine. The rainbow
across the sky and Noah looked up with a smile. "You mean you are not
to destroy the Earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."