Spare the rod, spoil the child a new study says

well, studies can push any agenda.
i don't believe that we should go back to spanking our kids incessantly, but i DO believe that physical discipline aside parents are much, much to lenient and allowing with their little monsters.
it doesn't take a firm lashing to discipline a kid and keep them from running around like little banshees, just a firm tone and consistent discipline.
that supernanny rewards jar is a great discipline tool, i tell ya.

I think this comes from the bible - it is very old anyway.

I don't think it should be taken literally.

I think it just means discipline your child, teach them right from wrong, and expect them to live up to a certain standard.

I don't think anyone has the right to hit anyone else, including your own children.

Who needs spanking anyway? I'm going to teach my child martial arts and discipline. When they do wrong, I wont spank them....

But it will be sparring time, put on your pads kiddo!

As a clinical psychologist, this woman knows that spanking does NOT work in the intended way, as longitudinal studies have shown. It tends to make children more aggressiv.

Byron at work

My Dad had a belt.......my mother had a back hand like no tennis star could come up with. It was never abuse......I never used it as my teaching "tool" with my son's as a single dad. I once gave a swat...but it never meant much to me to get my oldest to listen. I could tell him "you really have made Daddy sad"....he would cry....we loved and love each other. But, there are times to use a hand or perhaps a belt. Look around at todays teens & 20 somethings..that sez alot. Many are lovely.....many more are not.

no abuse.......simply parental discipline.

It is our right and our job to see our kids aren't criminal.

Also, think how betrayed a child feels if a parent hits them.

This child came into the world - it had no say in that.

This child got certain parents or parent - it had no say in that.

This child has to put all its trust in that parent or those parents....then they hit this child?

No no no, this is so wrong on many levels.

im against all abuse no matter what.

You can't be a good parent if you don't find a way to earn your child's respect. However that does not mean smacking is always better than not smacking. So much depends on how, when and why a child is smacked, and what alternatives the not smacking parent uses.

An earlier poster stated he smacked his children while they were very young, and after that only had to raise his voice to discipline them. my parenting experience was similar. I had no hang-ups about giving little children a little smack when it seemed necessary, and they grew up to be adults I'm proud of.

The two most important things in raising children well, (apart from looking after their physical well-being,) are to set them a good example and to be there for them, making sure they are able to discuss everything with you. If you can't do these things no amount of discipline of any type is going to help your child.

The maturity of the parent is also an issue here. When the parent is older and more mature, it is easier for them to gain the child's respect and smacking is less likely to be necessary. However there is also a lot to be said for having children while you are young, energetic and adaptable, and growing up with them.

Ever read "The Year of Living Biblically?" It's about a guy who attempts to live his life as close to literal interpretation of the Bible as possible.

I wonder if there is anyone out there who lives their life taking into account every contradictory new "scientific" study that comes down the pipe. If their is their children are bound to be pretty confused. Every week changing their diets, discipline and rearing methods because some pop-science trash article dictates so.

Originally posted by FortAnthem
reply to post by Monts

 

If you had refused to stare at the corner when you were a child, what do you think your parents would have done then?

If I was older, they would have taken away privileges, like TV or dessert.

If I was younger, they would have either spanked me or locked me in the cupboard under the stairs (jk).

[edit on 7-1-2010 by FortAnthem]

Originally posted by AthenaCD
im against all abuse no matter what.

No one is advocating physical abuse of children. It is wrong to hurt those who cannot defend themselves.

A swat on the behind IMO is not abuse. It is a teaching tool to get the child's attention, to say to them "enough is enough!"

In today's oversensitized society anything could be classified as abuse.

The raised voice, time outs, grounding and denying privileges could be seen by some as mental abuse.

A child with no discipline may come to feel his parents do not love and care for him.

IMO, the greatest abuse is to NOT discipline your children and allow them to grow into irresponsible adults.

Originally posted by learningtofly
Also, think how betrayed a child feels if a parent hits them.

This child came into the world - it had no say in that.

This child got certain parents or parent - it had no say in that.

This child has to put all its trust in that parent or those parents....then they hit this child?

No no no, this is so wrong on many levels.

The child's very LIFE was a gift from his parents. A gift for which he should be eternally grateful.

A part of a parent's duties are to assure the child becomes a responsible, self disciplined adult. Parents must use some form of discipline to bring this about.

All children have different temperments and some require more discipline than others. Parents who never have to raise their hand to their children are truely blessed. Most of us on the other hand have to resort to the occasional swat in order to deal with an especially willful child. There is nothing wrong with that so long as the parent has the child's best interest in mind and does not do it simply as an act of revenge or out of malice.

People who hurt their kids out of malice are criminals and should be dealt with accordingly.

Those who use an occasional swat as a teaching tool to get a willful child's attention are doing the best they can. If you don't have to deal with their particular child on a daily basis, you should not be too quick to judge.



Edit to add: Thank you, MONTS for you honest responce.

[edit on 7-1-2010 by FortAnthem]

Originally posted by Tayesin


It's okay, some kids are Malleable and others are Ruthless. Parents don't get to pick which one they get.

Yes they do, the demeanor or children is solely based on the diet they follow. Give your kid a diet consisting of mostly McDonalds, processed box food or other junk and you are guaranteed to have a ruthless little brat.

This study is utterly ridiculous, parents that have to resort to violence to discipline there children fail at parenting.

When, will we ever break the cycle of violence? When you smack a child it leads them to believe that violence is acceptable. It the same if they grow up in a home with domestic violence, a father hits their mother, then the child reaches adulthood they believe it is acceptable to use violence (monkey see monkey do) against their partner, this is true for males and females BTW.

All parents IMO should attend childhood study lessons.

PS, sorry if i sound preachy.



[edit on 7-1-2010 by mtok7]

I do believe sometimes children need to be spanked, and occasionally would spank my two sons if they misbehaved and didn't listen. Usually it was a last resort after trying other things.

When they were in grade school, in the early 90's, they were given the number of a child protection agency (all the children, not just mine, lol) and were told to call the number in the case of child abuse at home.

Well the next time I threatened to spank them for disobeying, they threatened to call the child protection agency and turn me in for child abuse!

In response, I picked up the phone and said, call the number, but before you do, let me explain some things to you.

I then proceeded to tell them, amongst some other things, that child abuse would be me coming home in a bad mood from work and hitting them for no reason, or spanking them uncontrollably with unreasonable force just because I could.

I then explained that, if they knew the punishment for doing something wrong was going to be a spanking, and they did the thing, and got a warning, but kept doing the thing anyway..........they had actually made a choice to do wrong, knowing the consequence, in other words, CHOOSING a spanking.

Logic works even better than a spanking sometimes!

We love our kids they love us back and respect comes out of that. Their natures are similar to ours so they are easy to live with.

Some parents don't care if their kid is a beast or not. They're not doing their child any favors. Pretty soon that wild child will find calmer children don't want them around. They will have to find kids like them for acceptance and believe me they will find them. Somehow we must teach our kids why good behavior is best. There are rewards for good conduct it's called socialization.

My brother was smacked everyday and it only made hm worse. It taught him nothing about taking responsibility. He was never taught why we should be good to people instead he learned to take a hit. Bad people gravitated to my brother like flies on a turd and sometimes he got hurt by women just like him. It's not a good life we would want for our children.

We walk a fine line with kids. Parents may have to consider many different methods to relate to a more spirited child, It's not impossible only unique to that child. It's worth doing the right thing for your kids. I've seen misbehaving children who look completely miserable. It's like they're begging for someone to help them deal because they're too little to know how. If left on their own they will only reinforce what they know. Unsociable little kids become unsociable adults prisons are full of them.

Smacking out of habit without love and direction is as bad as letting your children run wild. This teaches nothing about good conduct or self-discipline. If your children are not good people maybe you should look at yourself. What were your intentions when you had kids? Did you do it just to or were you really wanting to create new people? We didn't think of it as simply raising kids we raised men.

reply to post by mtok7

I wouldn't necessarily assume that a man who beats his wife saw his father beat his mother. My dad never hit my mom. I don't remember him ever raising his voice. Yet he is someone you wouldn't want to cross. He was a staff sergeant in the 82nd airborne, very disciplined. My brother hit everyone of his 4 wives.

Aside from the fact my brother did get smacked a lot, he was allowed to hit & abuse others. As long as my brother didn't talk back to my mom or hit her he was good to go. My mom made excuses for his bullying and allowed it to continue. He learned it was ok to hit just don't hit mom. My dad was gone a lot.

I think it's possible a child who has never been spanked can go on to be abusive. If a child has been allowed to abuse others I would think that would be just as bad as seeing abuse between parents. Would you say that a child who has never seen violence won't snatch a toy away from another 2 year old? If the little mistakes aren't corrected will they escalate into bigger more violent ones? I think reinforcing bad behavior overtime is just as bad as exposure to violence.

I agree that the cycle of violence needs to stop and it did with my kids. I got hit but I chose not to hit my kids. We taught them getting angry is normal but resorting to violence isn't always best. We do have other options.

It's important that kids see proper socialization between parents but we have to watch their interactions with others too. Peers are a whole other thing compared to the parent/child relationship. How many parents think their child is a little angel yet they're tyrants to everyone else.

By the way kids need parents really bad it's important we raise good moms and dads for our grandchildren.

See, I don't like being told I won't be able to discipline my child a certain way. ALOT of people have no room to say what kind of discipline s houlw be brought out. Either because: 1. they do not have kids of their own, and 2. They have children that are spoiled rotten. Look at society, look at the teens now. How they act ect ect. Spoiled little brats that get what they want from mommy and daddy when they throw a tantrum. There is a different between abuse and discipline. I believe those are very loose words. These days, being slapped can be a form of abuse anymore.

Spanking is great!
Sometimes, when I have been very naughty, my girlfriend will... hold on. OH! You are talking about spanking kids. OK, OK. I got it now.
Sorry.

reply to post by LASTofTheV8s


Nothing to be sorry for V8, this is a serious subject with strong emotions on both sides.

A little humor to lighten the mood never hurts.

Spirit of the law or letter of the law?: The vast majority of professionals agree that child buttock-battering isn’t healthy. A marginal few (mostly religious fundamentalists as those at Calvin) think that child bottom-slapping is good. They use the same selective literalist interpretation of the Bible as was used to justify “witch”-burning, depraved torture methods for those accused of sin and heresy, slavery, racism, wife-beating, oppression of women and a host of other social ills.