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(AFWC) Zazzbot: Going Rogue

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posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 03:52 AM
She put out her cigarette. Got up and with 4 paces reached her target, with her nose almost touching his Zazz could smell his blood and sweat, she continued her interrogation through gritted teeth.
"Tell me how you got the flags, this is the last time I'll ask nicely"

She pulled his head back roughly by the scruff of his fringe and he peered at her through one bloodied swollen eye. He licked the blood dribbling from his nose and began to laugh.

"I ain't tell you nothin b*tch"

Zazz flung his head out of her hand and kicked out the chair he was sitting on with her steel capped boots.

She walked back to her comrades in the room, they had been watching her interrogation through the smokey haze billowing from Hellmutt's mouth.
She took his cigarette and bit it between her lips, inhaled and spoke at the same time.

"This tosser isn't going to tell us anything, unless we get Memoryshock in, we need MK Ultra"

Helmutt turned to Schrodingers Dog and in a gruff Norwegian accent asked him;

"Have ya finished eating all ya Atomic Wings?"

The dog growled and nodded his head.

"Then go, take him to the mutter box, there is no windows or air there, lets see how long this ahole lasts"

The Dog lifted his muscular hulk from the chair and straightened his shock of thick black hair, no one dared to make light of his rug, a fiercer fighter in the war no one had seen.
Zazz winced as the Dog led the conspirator away to the box, she knew there was not much chance of his survival, let alone talk. The last time he deployed his Atomic Wings Gas Propulsion a spiral appeared in the sky above Norway. That Spiral started this whole damn mess, people panicked they saw it and mistook it for the mark of the beast, thought armageddon was upon them and anarchy and mass defections ensued. New Boards appeared everywhere, disgruntled members who didn't believe the story that a out of control Dog on rollers skates on a Russian submarine deploying Atomic Wings gas attack excercises went horribly wrong.

Defections were rife and double agent infiltrators to ATS spread like a pig with a virus.
Zazz looked at her commander.

"Do you want me to get the others online now?"

He lit another cigarette " Ya, its time"

They were in a damp and dark underground bunker, Hellmutt's mothers basement to be precise. Zazz sat herself infront of her beloved Zazzbot, her Artificial Intelligence system they used for Covert Ops. She bent down to plug her baby in....a mainframe masterpiece, a hackers dream. Hellmutt peered at her butt admiringly, but he knew he couldn't have her. He was needed more elsewhere, that Blondie Flag Whore bit of fluff would just distract him from his mission. These people needed a leader, and by Zorgons beard, he was gonna be that for them. The 3 Amigos could never know, they had to maintain the front of T and C compliance for all the world, or all would be lost.

She patched into a Sataleite link the Zazzbot hijacked for these raids and started to alert the others.

One by one through white screen fuzz they came up.

First was Team America, platoon leader, General Eyes. Zazz caught her off guard, she was passionately kissing the Yahoo Serious poster in the background.

"GE, FFS He's fat and bald now, give it up, we are in serious times here, patch in Ashley D "

GE startled, straightened her skirt that had crawled up during her passionate 2D poster embrace and ran to the camera.

"Sorry Zazz, I just tried her, at the moment she is in a Karaoke-Off with JaxonRoberts, Ash is singing the the Gospels 1 through to 4, and Jax is trying to break her faith down with the Satanic Bible in reverse sung to Im a Barbie Girl melody. KosmikJack is adjudicating, but shes busy lying on the Steinway making eyes at the suspected Reptilian Piano player"

"Well get the rest of your team ready for assault now"

GE straightened her glasses nervously "Umm Zazz, Is Hellmutt ready there now?"

"Yes, he gave the order "

"Ummm do you mind putting him off a bit, play some Lithuanian 70s death metal, the other ground soldiers are kinda busy"

"WTF, what do you mean, there is a war going on now, what else could they be busy with? The smart grid is ours only for a limited time!"

"Umm Slayer 69 is chasing Kryties trying to lethally inject him for his anti capital punishment threads, last I saw they were playing skirmish down in Baton Rouge. Jkrog08 is holed up in the Visitors District 9 brothel, addicted to alien love, I haven't been able to bring him back from the brink, he's proposed marriage to his favouite hooker hybrid 'Foxy Reptili-ass"

Zazz slapped the desk in front of her and leaned in to the camera and hissed.

"You're are a flag warning away from not only a Post Banning, but losing your Command Post, I suggest you get your forum team in order soldier, NOW!"

She patched in the connection for the next team from her homeland Australia, she felt a twang of homesickness, but she knew it wasn't the same place anymore, not since the rise of the Board Wars.
Into her headset she commanded Zazzbot;

"Patch in Oz Weatherman"

She waited a few seconds before his image came into focus. Sitting spreadeagled on a old torn couch with a can of Fosters in each hand he raised them drunkedly and slurred;

"Hey hey Zazzy ! Forecast just in- me and you baby with a slight chance of moisture"

Zazz rolled her eyes.

"Get your hand off it OZ, and mobilise your team"

"Will do sweet cheeks, I can see your two 'cans of drink' from here baby woooaahhh! Great Cans!, I'd drink from your jugs of beer any day"

He leaned forward and patched in his team members, Zazz waited to hear their connection.

"Chadwickus online, InfaRedMan and Roswell1 online"
Zazz spoke tersly.

"OZ you are no longer in command of Team Oz, IRM and Chad, You will assume 2nd in charge under Sanctum, Oz as of today you're demoted to Newbie"

She flicked them to holding pattern and asked the zazzbot to connect Team Canada. As always Gatou789 was ready and waiting, serious to the end, he would never let them down. Zazz tried to not look directly at him on camera as he was dressed only in boxer shorts, a Masonic Apron and wearing his Shriner gloves.

"TribeWilder and Intrepid are around-a-boot already and online. To The Tenth Power is having a coffee with Angelina Jolie, they are comparing adopted babies, he thinks he's finally over taken her count with his Korea acquisition"

"Very Good Gman, bring him in, and her, she looks like she could handle herself in a fight, stand by'

'Team America B' she commanded the bot. The video screen tuned into a pole dancer hanging upside down, MBlahnikluvr turned to the camera and shimmied her way back down the pole then skipped over to her live feed.

"Hey Zazz, a girls gotta keep working, these Visitors pay really well, and they never want to touch, hang 1 minute I'll grab the team"

She was the bubbliest of people, even through all the crap they had all endured, she never gave up hope, hope that one day they would be victorious. She gathered her team to the same camera feed, Spirambalis and Internos were already at her underground club. Spira played the acoustic guitar for the dancers, whilst Internos took all the photos he could of the girls claiming "athletic training purposes".
Zazz looked around for her best fighter .

"And Devolutionevolved?"

"Zazz , I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. We lost Devo, he was waiting tables at a Chippendale's underground 'all the meat you can eat', and the Vegans from the Meat Bashing thread found him, they, they...I can't even say what they did to him, I'm sorry Zazz, I know he meant alot to you"

Zazz didn't let her pain show.

"This is war Mblah, there will always be losses, you need to get a replacement, I need you to find another Metro Sexual Texan who can shoot out karaoke rounds at 17 songs per minute at Applebees, there has to be another, he can't have been the only one!"

Zazz continued to mobilize the batallion for the assault, she couldn't think of her loss. The other teams were all ready to go, just Team UK left.

"Blup Blup here and ready to kick some arse commander!"

"Blups, can you not dress in just a loin cloth when we do this, and take off those ridiculous angel wings, Gay Mardi Gras is in March, patch in my girl crush Caitlinfae and Kandinsky, He's online I saw him trying to beat ancient astroNUT theorist Zorgon into submission in the Ancient civilisations forum earlier.
I won't accept your earlier report of losing Nefermore to battle of the keyboard synthesizer bands competition in Blackpool, he needs to stand his ground, go get him back, we can't afford even one more loss"

Zazz pushed back her chair and turned to Hellmutt.

"We're ready as we'll ever be, we've had some losses, heavy ones, we're going to need to get The Dog back out here for this"

Zazz virtually logged into the mutterbox, she saw before her the lifeless body of the double agent competitor board collaborator.
"Dog, did he speak? we need you in the basement and patched into the zazzbot"

He swung around to look at her in the camera and wiped his lips, and released a finally deadly Atomic Wings Gas blow to be sure there was no coming back from the dead, post banning.

Zazzfrazz, Schrodingers Dog and Hellmutt sat side by side, a quietness hung thick in the air. The silence was broken by the simultaneous clicking of keyboards as their world wide network commenced its assault. They had this in the planning since the spiral, and at last they would be victorious, for the Board Wars would come to an end today. There could be only one victor, and the ATS battalion would fight to their last breath or until Hellmuts mother came into the basement and told them all to go home.

"Victory or Death!" was the battle cry resounding from Hellmutts lips and down through the Zazzbot, unfortunately he sounded like the Muppets Swedish Chef, so as the battalion charged with a frenzy never seen before, they knew not their final command...

[edit on 1-1-2010 by zazzafrazz]

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 04:04 AM
reply to post by zazzafrazz

Haha I loved it..S & F.

(Your new fan)

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 04:43 AM

Your portrayal of me is extremely accurate

S & F for originality

Love it

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 05:35 AM
reply to post by OzWeatherman

lol I just had to quote you verbatim, No great creativity required.

The wrtiers competition requirements were as follows, hence my silly topic, I chose silly

Conspiracy is what brings us to Above Top secret and this contest is asking you to tell a story on your favourite subject. What conspiracy brought you here? What is your most driving interest? Write a fictional story surrounding your favourite topic on ATS. The story should contain some sort of a plot devised by conspirators, be they the PTB, Big Pharma, the Elites or the neighbour you believe is a lizard.

It can be funny, sad, scary or just plain silly. "


[edit on 1-1-2010 by zazzafrazz]

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 05:41 AM

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 07:06 AM
Girl Crush reporting for duty, my darlin Zazzmeister!
This is there any more please?
Starred and flagged, of course.

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 08:33 AM
Oh man... can't believe you left me out of team oz.

Originally posted by zazzafrazz

"Hey hey Zazzy ! Forecast just in- me and you baby with a slight chance of moisture"

I laughed at that.

[edit on 1/1/2010 by serbsta]

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 08:52 AM
This is the only part that made the story totally unbelievable to me...

Zazzfrazz, Schrodingers Dog and Hellmutt sat side by side, a quietness hung thick in the air.

LMAO! Lots of fun Zazz!

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 09:30 AM

Me and Chad are still waiting here for further orders Zazz! You can't leave us hanging here. I need to know what happens next!!!

Fantastic Miss Frazzy!

Code: S&F

Agent IRM

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 09:37 AM
Of all the short stories I have read on this forum, this one is easily the most shocking. SHOCKING, I tell you!.....and I enjoyed every minute of it.

But mind you: You need to get that rug off my S-dog.

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 09:52 AM
jkrog has since left the brothel and ready for action.

orders await...

And GREAT satory btw!

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 10:03 AM
I agree with caitlinfae - more please

and - I would so be there :-)

the idea of pole dancing to Neil Young or Paco De Lucia...


what a beautiful universe

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 10:15 AM
Zazz ~

That was undeniably cute!

*for the record, I have not had that "Young Einstein" poster for over 20 years.

Ya nut!

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 10:56 AM
I love it!! I really needed a good laugh too! I loved the part about Devo, I just about died from laughter. You are very creative
you should do a series of stories just like this about ATS!

Star and flag for sure!

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 12:04 PM
Not only was this awesome and hilarious, but maybe the best way to start the year I can think of. Zazz, I love your mind and the way it works. You definately "Paint a Picture". I loved it . S&F


posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 12:05 PM
Awesome read....I'd buy the book!

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 12:32 PM
wtf is this?

I read it and thoroughly didn't care about what I was reading

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 12:34 PM
I was all ready to call hoax and bad cgi, but without the obligatory youtube vid. all I can say is streuth!

[edit on 1-1-2010 by mckyle]

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 12:49 PM

Originally posted by piddles
wtf is this?

I read it and thoroughly didn't care about what I was reading

Eh, cant please everyone

Great job Zazz!

I too think the story needs to continue.......

[edit on January 1st 2010 by greeneyedleo]

posted on Jan, 1 2010 @ 12:51 PM

Originally posted by piddles
wtf is this?

I read it and thoroughly didn't care about what I was reading

I enjoyed it thoroughly. I hope more is coming. If members would like more of this u2u me. I won't take away from this thread but we've had stories like this in the past.

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