Bush and Saddam Debate

I don't care which side your on, this is still pretty funny.



Tony Blair, moderator: Welcome to the first televised debate between George W Bush and Saddam Hussein, live from United Nations headquarters in New York. We will begin with a brief opening statement from each of you.
Bush: First of all I would just like to welcome my evil friend to the UN, one of the great American institutions for the propulsion of freedom throughout the world.

Saddam: Thank you, Great Satan. I hope that in today's debate we may find some common ground between the Iraqi people's commitment to peace and human progress and America's desire to destroy the Middle East.

Bush: Do I answer that?

Blair: No. The first question is quite simply this: do you have any links with al-Qaida?

Bush: I do not.

Blair: The question is for President Saddam.

Saddam: As I told Mr Tony Benn clearly and simply, if I had links with al-Qaida and I enjoyed those links then I would not be ashamed to tell the world, but since I am ashamed to tell the world of this, it follows that I have no such links.

Bush: Neither do I.

Blair: The second question is for Mr Bush. Mr Bush, if America and Iraq were to go to war tomorrow, who would win?

Bush: That's easy. America, right?

Saddam: Even I knew that one.

Bush: That's because the great United American States of America are on the side of rightliness and Americanity, against an evil Axis of Evil made up of Iraq, North Korea and... how many are in an axis? Three?

Blair: I think you're allowed as many as you like.

Bush: OK, Iraq, North Korea and France.

Saddam: I will tell you frankly and directly that Iraq is not part of any Axis of Evil.

Bush: Who am I thinking of then? Irania?

Blair: Let's move on. Saddam, are you willing to destroy your stockpile of Samoud 2 missiles in accordance with UN weapons inspectors' orders?

Saddam: I explain to you now that if Iraq possessed these so-called weapons, we would never destroy them, but since we do not have any such weapons, we are happy to comply, even though these non-existent weapons certainly do not exceed the proscribed range of 150 kms. I've tested them myself, and we don't have any.

Blair: The final question is for George Bush. Mr President, is there any way that Saddam Hussein can avoid war, and what steps must he now take in order to reach a negotiated solution?

Bush: Listen to me. It's very simple. First Saddam must compile 200% with the UN inspectorers, and I mean activated compilation, not passivist compilation. Second, he must disarm fully, in keeping with UN revelation 1441 and the next one coming, 1441B, which will require him to disarm even more fully that. Then he must destroy all Samoud missiles and any other weapons of mass destruction he is found, or not found, to be possessive of, without being asked. Finally, there is one more task he must perform, which I am not at liberty to revulge. And even that will not be enough.

Blair: The translator would like to take your answer home with him and work on it over the weekend.

Bush: Fine, but we require nothing less than total disarmature.

Saddam: OK.

Blair: Sorry, but I'm not sure that "disarmature" is a word. I defer to the UN Keeper of the Dictionary, Mr Richard Stilgoe.

Stilgoe: Yes, you can have disarmature. It means, "the action of disarming" according to the OED.

Bush: Exactly. He must cut his own arms off.

Saddam: If it means peace, I will do it.

Bush: Too late.

Stilgoe: Did you know that Saddam Hussein is an anagram of 'Demands a Sushi'?

Saddam: Yes, I've heard them all.

Bush: I don't eat sushi. Is there a fish option?


The Debate

Now THAT's funny, hehe....

Although, it'd likely go more like this...

Blair: Welcome gentlemen. The first question is directed to Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush, how do feel about Saddam's constant defiance of the UN Security Council?

Bush: *takes out a Desert Eagle handgun, and puts a bullet in Saddam's forehead* BLAM!!!

Saddam: (Has no comment, lies on floor)

Blair: That was an amazing shot GW old boy!

Bush: Actually, I was aiming for his chest.

Blair: So now what?

Bush: Well, we've got all that war stuff over there, how 'bout we take care of North Career too?

Blair: You mean North Korea?

Bush: Yeah, that's what I said!

Oh man that's great!

Celebrity Death Match anyone?


"And now we go ringside to view the matchup between Sodamn Insane & Gee Dubya! As Insane climbs in between the ropes, I can tell he's been working out...He also has a pretty record of combat training & this should be something for Dubya to watch out for!

"Here comes Dubya to the ringside! It looks like he might have a suprise lined up for Insane! Look at how his robe fills out around his body! I wouldn't have suspected that Dubya has been working out too, because of his history of skipping out of flight training during his military career so he could participate in campaigning!

"There's the bell! And Insane circles around to one one of the neutral corners! Watch his hand carefully, it looks like he's reaching for something! Watch out Dubya! Insane has just pulled a slingshot from the back of his waistband!

"The referee jumps into the fray & Insane lowers the weapon! The judges call for Insane to lose the slingshot because illegal weapons aren't allowed into the ring! The crowd goes wild as Insane disarms himself by tossing the weapon out onto the floor!

"The referee steps back and the match continues! Dubya pulls off his warmup robe & reveals a bazooka! He pulls it up to aim & pulls the trigger! Insane is now splattered across half of the audience! This is wild! The referee jumps up & down, calling for a decision from the judges!

"The judges refuse to comment on whether or not such a weapon is allowed for Dubya so the referee has no choice but to award the victory to Dubya!

Why is it that Bush always smiles after he says something? It is diffacult to take him seriously.. don't ya think? Also.. his eyes are beady.

That was great guys, I needed a good laugh!

Well done & thanks,
Deep