posted on Jan, 9 2010 @ 11:34 PM
First you need to reach the coast. That’s not that hard, even if you are in the middle of the country you can hitch hike. You could always walk too.
If you don’t currently own clothes you could wear a trash bag to the Salvation Army and get them to give you a pair!
You can look for different fruits, nuts, berries and tubers along the way to eat if you have no money. JayinAr here on ATS knows a lot about those
things, he would be happy to tell you what to look for and how to find it.
Most donut shops throw out their yesterday’s donuts around 4 or 5 am in the morning, a lot of bakeries do the same, so if you don’t mind dumpster
diving you can always do that to eat while you make your way to the coast.
You can also walk into small mom and pop restaurants or convenience stores and offer to do a few hours of work for a meal or a couple of hot dogs and
Once you get to the coast you are going to need transportation.
Lord David Baron De Rothschild plans on sailing across the Atlantic this spring in a raft made entirely out of empty two liter plastic beverage
bottles. He’s the richest man in the world and sure he will have his 435 foot motor yacht following him, an aircraft carrier, and a submarine and a
fleet of helicopters, but the concept evidently works well enough for a photo op.
So maybe grabbing those stale donuts will get you in the practice of dumpster diving to round up enough bottles to make your own ocean going vessel.
If not don’t despair and start making the rounds of marinas and new boat dealers. A lot of times they sail boats, especially sail boats for the rich
and aimless who have purchased them in one place and want them delivered to another, or who have their boat one place now, but want to fly down to the
Caribbean to meet it.
It might take a few weeks to find someone who needs an extra hand on deck but chances are you can line something up swabbing decks and cleaning rails.
Boats out at sea get covered with a paste of salt water that’s really nasty as it dries in the sun and is highly corrosive so someone is forever
having to clean parts of the exposed deck.
So you don’t need a lot of skills.
Just tell them that you have no papers and to put you ashore anywhere there is a sheltered inlet, or cove. You might have to swim part of it, or you
might get lucky and they will run you ashore on a raft or a launch. If you have to swim part of it to get to shore, just put your valuables in a zip
lock bag and clench it in your teeth works like a charm.
I recommend Central America because its almost always warm year round and there are lots of fruit trees that grow in the wild, mangos, bananas,
coconuts and lots of other passion fruits full of a lot of vitamins and proteins. You absolutely will not starve and because the weather is temperate
you will not freeze.
You have to watch out for infections in the tropics though; athlete’s foot, abscessed teeth, rashes, and cuts can flare up quick in the warm humid
Costa Rica is probably the best place, there are a lot of Americans down there, including a bunch of anti-government types that flocked down after
9-11 realizing it was a false flag and thinking the end was near.
Most of them are pretty bitter these days that the crap hasn’t hit the fan yet and they could use some cheering up and some news from home.
They will help get you situated and learn how to say important things like “papers, papers I ain’t got no stinking papers”.
As long as you haven’t done anything seriously wrong, most third world law enforcement can be bribed for about 5.00 to 10.00 U.S.D., Playboy and
Penthouse Magazines and other Paper Porn works excellent too.
You will want to head into the wild, and fashion yourself a hut, a hammock and a cistern to catch fresh water, and a clothes line to hang your
clothes, and make spears and booby traps, all of which can be done with a good outdoors knife.
Eventually you will want a secure communications system which can be made out of cans with holes in them attached to a string, the vibration of your
voice can carry over it so you can communicate with other people!
You will want to take along a soccer ball, preferably made by Wilson so you can call it Wilson because Spaulding is just to geeky to fashion into a
head with some palm frond hair that you can draw a face on with charcoal from your camp fire. This will be your new best friend and trusty companion.
If you get really lonely and want to go bestial most people claim pigs are the closest thing to the touch of human skin. You will want to look for a
domesticated one because wild boars have sharp quills much like porcupines.
Though if you are masochistic in nature go for a porcupine, heck it’s not like anyone is going to know.
Eventually you can befriend some natives who will teach you the art of hunting with blow guns and how to fashion your own darts and to use native
plant saps as poison for them, remember though always to blow and never to suck.
Eventually you might even be able to trade one of the natives your pig or soccer ball for a real woman.
You might though end up having to pierce several parts of your body with bones from the pig.
WARNING if they invite you over for dinner the first time and there is a huge kettle big enough to hold an adult human with boiling water in it…RUN
Stay tuned tomorrow and we will learn how to launch coconut satellites into orbit and use natural crystals as death rays!