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Feeling guilty, why?

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posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 04:46 PM
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I've been able to keep my job, when so many others have been laid off, fired, retired and industry wide the decline in personnel has been staggering.

A bad economy, has hurt a lot of good people, many of them friends, or so I thought.

So far in the last 2 months I was given a good raise, huge bonuses (some cash), an awarded plaque for my job performance and in every case was told to "keep it to myself" and "under no circumstance let any of the other employees or staff know about it"

Rather than celebrating my success, and the fact that I even have a job, I feel like a criminal... Like I've done something wrong, sold out etc. Maybe in some ways I have... Because I have doubled my efforts, made sacrifices... In fact it is Christmas and I am on a road trip now... Skipped vacations, holidays and just kept working as much as possible... I do it all because I want to keep my job and not end up unemployed like so many people I know, dependent on a government check for my survival, and I want to be able to provide well for my kids....

But it doesn't change how I feel, and I feel horrible about it.

I sent Christmas gifts with cards to former coworkers (long time friends) because I know how hard times are for them, and most of it was returned, with rather mean letters, as if it is my fault that they lost their jobs... Not because of the economy, or their own job performance.

I am sitting here literally feeling like quitting my job because of this overwhelming sense of guilt that I cannot yet fully understand, or escape.

Maybe I just wanted to confess here, maybe I'm hoping I'm not alone and perhaps someone else who has kept a job feels the same way.

If you were in a similar situation, how would you feel about it?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.




posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 05:31 PM
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You're not the one with the problem, and it's wrong for your "friends" to blame you for their loss. It's not as if you were the one that dismissed them. In fact, they're selfish and perhaps they could learn a valuable lesson about this hardship.

They're acting idiotic about it, though. It sounds like you're only trying to be nice. Whatever you do, don't leave just because of the way they feel about you. You did nothing wrong. Besides, who actually needs friends when you have a family?



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 05:35 PM
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I am wondering if this over whelming sense of guilt - is hidden self esteem issues coming to the surface - rather more complex than just you have your job and other don't, it is as if you are saying you don't deserve your job and you are not worth it.

If others have wrong placed pride and have returned your generosity then you are powerless over their decisions.

You should not be reactive and leave your job that is not fair for your own children.

How do you know that fate hasnt played a card to the others so they have something better in time to come.

Examine the guilt is comes across to me it runs deeper than this seneraio xxx



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 05:41 PM
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Maybe you should ask yourself why you feel guilty instead of fortunate. My husband still has his job and we feel very appreciative, not guilty. I think there's more behind the guilt, too.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 05:43 PM
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Of course, I don't know you, walks, but there is such a thing as survivor guilt. The name suggests the origin of the term - something experienced by those who did not die when others around them did die, maybe in a disaster, or an attack.

Mere misfortune suffices. Here's an article about the phenomenon in connection with the current economic distress:

www.time.com...

All that anybody can say on the web is that you're not alone. That doesn't fix anything, but maybe there is some consolation in it. I hope so.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 05:49 PM
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Feeling guilty, is being broke, and getting charity money to buy your children Christmas presents. Then buying a case of beer with the charity money which withholds one less present the kids get. But actually, it is not so bad, or is it?



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 05:58 PM
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Originally posted by Whine Flu
Besides, who actually needs friends when you have a family?


This one hit me like a thousand little daggers... ouch.

I may be getting somewhere here with the help of you all.

The above line taken along with the other posts which say that my guilt is misplaced is leading me to rethink my gulit.

Perhaps it is the time away from my family, focused on my job and keeping my job has left little time for family, or anything else for that matter. The fact that I am on the road now speaks volumes for that.

My kids got what they wanted for Christmas, no one in the family has complained, except to say that they miss me, and do ask when I will be able to spend more time with them.

I am going to have to think more about this, my mind is literally overloaded right now.

Thank you all... wow.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 06:29 PM
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reply to post by Walkswithfish
 




If you were in a similar situation, how would you feel about it?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.


Rather than tell how I would feel in your situation, may I instead tell you how I would feel if I were in the reverse situation?

Some number of years ago I found myself without a job, without a car, and not quite sure where I was going to be living in the soon to be future. At that time, I did however have one friend who was happily married to an intelligent and beautiful woman, owned his home, two BMW's and a motorcycle, and was regularly rubbing shoulders socially with politicians, radio talkshow hosts and one olympic gold medalist.

It was quite the contrast.

However...I felt no particular animosity over his success. Envious? Absolutely. Discomfort showing up at his house wearing an entire suit of clothing that cost less than probably one pair of his socks? Definitely. But I wouldn't have chosen to take his success away simply because I lacked it.

I can say this from personal experience. Yes, it may be uncomfortable to live in a state of lack. Yes, it may even be uncomfortable to live in scarcity while seeing others who have everything you want. But there is no joy in the thought of taking their success away. If you have something that someone else lacks, there is nothing wrong with that. There is no shame in it.

Never feel bad for having something you want. Instead, appreciate it. Be grateful. Enjoy it. It is sad for a man to be unhappy in scarcity, but it is just as sad for a man to be unhappy in abundance. Feeling shame does not make anything better. People who lack what you have do not benefit from you punishing yourself for having what you want.

Enjoy what you have. Accept it. Be happy in it.

It's ok.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 07:09 PM
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Money is only paramount in this society, and this society makes up only 300 million of the planet's 7 billion human beings. If money and a job were the only measure of success and good fortune in the world, then billions of people would be sitting there with a gun in their mouths all day, every day.

You have a job and you're being successful, but obviously it's not what really matters. Not even for you.

Show someone that you care about that you love them. Show someone that you don't know that they are important to the ongoing motion of existence. Your success only gives you the free moments to share your personal impact with others during the course of each day, and you can honor that freedom by making these impacts as positive as possible.

Then, you'll feel pretty good about things. Even when the success drifts away from you and chooses someone else to pal around with. In fact, you'll probably coast right through that tough moment or two, and be back to your winning ways before you even break a sweat.

Merry Christmas.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 07:31 PM
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Looking at it from my point of view it seems to me that you earned everything that you've been rewarded so you should be proud of yourself for that.

If these friends that you speak of have lost their jobs because they werent great at it then thats their fault not yours. No need for guilt there.

If those same friends cant see that you earned the right to keep your job and feel bitter about it then thats there problem not yours. Let them deal with it not you. Any feelings of guilt go out the window the second they start putting it on you probably because they're feeling sorry for themselves.

No one wants to see thier friends cast in to hardship but for those so called friends to make you feel bad when you had no say in the matter. I would strike them off my christmas card list. Put it that way.

In my oppinion i think your bieng to sensitive about the whole thing. Empathy's a great trate. But when its not reciprocated then it go's out the window.

Dont beat yourself up over it



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 07:33 PM
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Originally posted by NorEaster

Merry Christmas.


And to you and yours as well.

And to all of you ... Happy Holidays.

Amazing and profound responses here... Incredibly helpful, and appreciated.

I couldn't have paid for better counsel and advise than what came through here.

As soon as I finish this trip, I am going to take a vacation and find ways to eliminate these feelings once and for all.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 07:39 PM
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There is a spiritual psychology of work. The symptomology of your work seems like, maybe you are seeking some sympathy from others who also hold a job. I have been told that some people have never "worked" a day in their life, yet they work all the time. Maybe you can attain some sense of accomplishment in other ways, such as by creating a work of art, a structure of arcihitecture ie. a diorama of sorts,... something where you can get a sense of completion and be able to move on in your life. Please see this article on the spiritual psychology of work

www.spiritualschool.org...



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 08:06 PM
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We travel ruts of thinking, that sometimes what we do isn't good enough for somebody else, or ourselves or God.. In reality it's probably just all in your head, in our heads, and even the animals. But the consequences aren't strong or dazzling enough to shake us from our sleep walk tracks all the time. Until singularity hits, (maybe) we come face to face with all that we threw on the backburner.

www.livereal.com...



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 08:17 PM
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Many wise responses in here. You have nothing to feel guilty about and many have pointed out the reasons why. It's up to you to believe it and to go forward in your life. I have to say that a 'real' friend would have appreciated your thoughtfulness and not held anything against you. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and all the blessings and beauty of the season.



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 08:34 PM
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We have different journeys -
Yours is different than the person sitting next to you.
Appreciate, stay respectful and thankful for your own journey.
Appreciate that the others have to be where they are in theirs.
Continue to live in love and empathy, just as you are doing -




[edit on 24-12-2009 by spinkyboo]



posted on Dec, 25 2009 @ 01:19 AM
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Go downtown or to a shelter and give homeless people money or smokes.

Earlier tonight that's what I was doing.

There are families in those shelters who've been turned out of their house.

Maybe you could stop by one tomorrow with some presents for the kids. You don't have to spend much. Toys from the dollar story will do the trick.

A good pizza can cheer up people too. And one of them can do a lot of people.



posted on Dec, 25 2009 @ 01:23 AM
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It's a form of survivor's guilt.

I can relate . . .



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