posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 04:46 PM
I've been able to keep my job, when so many others have been laid off, fired, retired and industry wide the decline in personnel has been
A bad economy, has hurt a lot of good people, many of them friends, or so I thought.
So far in the last 2 months I was given a good raise, huge bonuses (some cash), an awarded plaque for my job performance and in every case was told to
"keep it to myself" and "under no circumstance let any of the other employees or staff know about it"
Rather than celebrating my success, and the fact that I even have a job, I feel like a criminal... Like I've done something wrong, sold out etc.
Maybe in some ways I have... Because I have doubled my efforts, made sacrifices... In fact it is Christmas and I am on a road trip now... Skipped
vacations, holidays and just kept working as much as possible... I do it all because I want to keep my job and not end up unemployed like so many
people I know, dependent on a government check for my survival, and I want to be able to provide well for my kids....
But it doesn't change how I feel, and I feel horrible about it.
I sent Christmas gifts with cards to former coworkers (long time friends) because I know how hard times are for them, and most of it was returned,
with rather mean letters, as if it is my fault that they lost their jobs... Not because of the economy, or their own job performance.
I am sitting here literally feeling like quitting my job because of this overwhelming sense of guilt that I cannot yet fully understand, or escape.
Maybe I just wanted to confess here, maybe I'm hoping I'm not alone and perhaps someone else who has kept a job feels the same way.
If you were in a similar situation, how would you feel about it?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.