The effects of a negative relationship.

Mind over mater? I think this is true, but what effect does it have on you then, when your significant other expresses an atmosphere of doom? Consistently?

I have had in my life many many relationships, the person that I am with now seems to be unable to exist for a day without being extremely negative. Of course I was attracted to her because she was hot, and very accomplished. But of late she seems to be in an almost eternal state of despair. As a student of The Law of Attraction and somebody who left the Jesuit Priesthood I have witnessed things that are clear to me, and yet I can not convince her.

I believe she has an amazing ability to influence her environment directly. An example would be when she believed that our house was haunted, she would close doors and turn off lights, and then later go up to check and the doors would be opened and the lights turned on. I have personally seen this happen. When she is adamant that things will go wrong, things will break. I have seen her in her hopeless rants only to result in some major appliance breaking a few hours later.

I have seen rolling breakages happen almost daily, gutters getting ripped off by the wind, the dryer motor breaking, the central heating system breaking, the water heater breaking, her car breaking down, and every step of the way she curses our life and how bad things are the only possibility.

Of course I have tried to for years convince her that things like this are possibly a manifestation of her anticipation for the negative, and of course she thinks I'm a flake who does not understand how bad things are.

It's really wearing on me. How can I move to higher ground while several hours of my day consist of listening to someone telling me how impossible it is to be comfortable and happy?

She has gotten herself so worked up that she dwells on stress and anticipating negative events, and when I see appliances and other things in our home die behind every crazy rant, I can't help but think that it may have something to do with the negativity she broadcasts.

I would like to hear other opinions and especially opinions from people who have lived in similar relationships.

reply to post by factbeforefiction

How can I move to higher ground while several hours of my day consist of listening to someone telling me how impossible it is to be comfortable and happy?

Yes. How can you?

I would like to hear other opinions and especially opinions from people who have lived in similar relationships.

It is easier to change yourself than it is to change another person. Especially when that other person doesn't particularly want to change.

I have tried to for years convince her

What is it in your own self that causes you to manifest this woman in your life?

Would it benefit you to stop?

What is it in your own self that causes you to manifest this woman in your life?

Would it benefit you to stop?

Exactly. That's what I'm beginning to wonder about at this time in my life. Could this actually be a manifestation to that degree?

Could this all be something that I actually cold change? Change through only my self, without trying to change the world. Is this literally a separate reality that I have the power to manipulate?



[edit on 20-12-2009 by factbeforefiction]

This is a very intresting subject and I think I agree with you.

The reason I do is because I know someone (Pretty sure everyone knows at least one person like this too) that bad things are always happening too. You know car breaks down or boiler blows up, parcels get lost in post etc. Always seem to happen to her.

She is one of the most negative persons I know too and she is always expecting the worse to happen. Rolls all her problems in to one big mess which in the end depresses her on a daily basis.

Its sad to see and i am always trying to tell her to be positive, occasionly she will listen and things seem to get better but it doesn't take long or much to get her back to her old ways.

She has the attitude of "why is it always me".

I think the answer is like you say the negativity is so strong that negative things are attracted to her sometimes.

Peace

[edit on 20-12-2009 by tempest501]

reply to post by tempest501


Thank you, that's the way I feel about it too. I don't know, maybe I didn't put the thread in the right place. But I see this stuff daily.

I definitely believe that the attitude of the person manifests itself, but I'm wondering what effect it has on the people close to them?

reply to post by factbeforefiction

I'm wondering what effect it has on the people close to them?

An expression comes to mind: "if you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas."

It's easy to "see" all of the negitive in ones world especially when the negative seems to come in droves. Most people aer comfortable acecpting that they cannot change others but some cannot even fathom changing themsefves or the root reason(s) for their seemingly endless despair.

I empathize with your plight, however I think it may be time for you to consider letting this one go...even though she's "hot and acccomplished" It seems her way of life is in direct conflict with yours. You will not be able to "fix" her she needs to "fix" herself. That is if there is actually something "broken" She may not feel that there is.

You can only do so much before your will to mend the situation fades and then slowly dissapears. If she is simply unhappy she may dwel on the bad things and never focus on the positive ones. It is only right and fair that she treat you as you do her speaking of course with respect to the problem you stated in your OP.

I may suguest you attempt to lay off the metaphysical thinking a bit and try to see things from her perspective...it doesn't seem to be apparent in your discription that you both share the same beliefs.Constantly trying to change somone's beliefs is almost impossible at best rather try to understand and convey empathy in addition to problem solving.

All you have is options here up to and including ending the relationship...sad as that reality may be.

I think it can have a drastic effect on people that are close but I dont think this is always the case.

I mean so long the those close to them can keep an upbeat outlook on things and keep balanced they will be ok. On the other hand if over time they start to become negative then I would say at some stage they might experience some of the same things.

The important thing that people need to remember is to make sure your outlook stays positive and dont let your problems all roll into one, as soon as that starts to happen is when they start struggling to cope (as would anyone).

Keep positive and take one step at a time/one problem at a time.

The great thing about loving relationships is you can be there for her and hopefully one day she will see that your positive and your life is better for it. One thing I would say is dont force it as that just seems to make things worse (as i have seen with my friend). I am confident that she will come round. I mean my friend does come round now and again and even she admits her life is better. She does slip back though as i guess its a hard habit to break but I am sure she will break her chains eventually.

Peace

reply to post by alyosha1981

including ending the relationship

That was my first thought as well.

However...if I may, I'll offer you an alternative to consider: while changing others who don't want to be changed is often dangerous and destructive...you might consider trying to change the "you" that causes/allows her to manifest to you in such a manner.

People and things exist in relationships with one another. A chair placed on the ground is "on top" of the ground because of the nature of their relationship. When you sit on the chair, the chair is "beneath" you because of your relationships with it. It's not accurate to say that the chair is "on top" or "beneathe" because these are not qualities of the chair. They are qualities of the chairs relationship with other things.

You appear to perceive her as negative and stressing...but these perceptions are not qualities of her. They are qualities of your relationship with her. And that you can change.

My other half is a very negative person, & from the time his eyes are awake its "always with the negative vibes!"

How do I deal with this on a daily basis? I just do, I roll my eyes when I look away, I ignore the negativity, until it builds up too much & I am compelled to say something. Then, & only when I've had enough, I will pipe up tell him quite firmly "okay, no more negativity, I've had enough".

Does this work? Well yes it does, he seems to snap out of his negativity for a few hours, then its back into it again. Very frustrating, I'm not sure of the cause of it all, although I do think his work environment is largely to blame. ( meaning, the greedy, materialistic people he works with all day ).

Will I put up with this forever? Who can tell, but he does know he's negative I'm a much more positive person than him, & he know's that I can only take so much before "the cup is full" & he has to back off!


Nothing has broken or manifested thou, thank goodness, cos that just might freak me out!!

The relationship changes as you change.

Trust and believe.

Since you resonate with the frequency it remains in your life.

If you change yourself - that which is not in harmony with you will fade, or you will move forward.

It is very easy to place frustrations upon another - especially when that other is frustrating us...but that is the fallacy here.

The frustration arises from our own misunderstanding in how to resolve the situation...and wanting it to end immediately instead of seeing what there is to learn.

Everything happens with purpose - Everything is connected.

Sometimes we confuse the effects of the law of attraction with a broad range of factors that remain well beyond the confines of thoughts attracting things to us - such as past lives, experiences your higher self has orchestrated...maybe this is for the other person.

The main thing to remeber is to transcend the situation and be yourself.

Listen to your heart...the answer is within you!


LOVE

reply to post by factbeforefiction


Another thing to consider is do you truely love this person?

If the answer is yes then I 100% believe you can work through this in the ways I have said above.

After all Love conquers all, plus what is more positive than Love.

Peace

I think for your own mental health you should let her go.. I know that that would reinforce her negative world view however that is HER problem and not yours.. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who will not grow and not allow you to grow too because of her own fears???

I have just this week came out of a two year relationship with an australian guy.. We were engaged and getting married next year in Toowoomba Australia.. However he got soo possesive and paranoid that he obtained my passwords to my email accounts, and to this site too, pretending to be me.. I have changed my password to this site and my email soo many times now, that it took me to use my pic and have a pink background as my avatar because I know that as a very macho aussie male, he would think twice about pretending to be me and passing me off as dude as he as done several times.. However his paranoia is his own, i have done nothing to make him paranoid....

Truth is.. If the person you are with is not happy within themselves, then you will always fight an uphill battle that will drag you down to the point of you becomming like them.. It is not your job to make someone else happy, we are all responsable for our own happiness... Someone elses insecurities are there problem which only they can deal with by themselves... So untill they have dealt with their own issues, any future happiness will be very slight, and you will end up being the blame for their own inadequacies in their eyes because they are in denial about themselves....

My advice then is to get rid... Stay single for a while, and look for someone who has the spark of life in them that is the same as yours..

Admittedly, I see this in my own life...
The why always me syndrome. I feel like a little leprechaun named Murphy follows me around with his own set of laws that disrupt anything good in my life...HOWEVER,
As of late..I started focusing more on the positive, simply because the negative was exhausting me and draining away my happiness daily.
I've spent too many days, nights, weeks....depressed over things I cannot change yet at the same time ignoring all that was working out well in my life.
It is a vicious cycle once you get into it...and my boyfriend is facing the same obstacle of pulling himself out of a hole of negativity.
It's just a journey we are taking together.
I have to agree with SELAHOBED...you need to break away from this relationship.Your own light is being dimmed by negative energy.

I think only he can decide on if he need to break up with this person as we are not fully aware of how there relationship is. He alone is the one that should decide.

Personally, I think if there is a connection there and love then all things can be worked on and as rule become stronger because of it.

Its bordering on selfish to break up because its diminishing his light or whatever and is totally the opposite of what a loving relationship is. I got married in August and have been together with my wife for 13 years. I can honestly say that I put her needs first before my own and she does the same for me. When there is true love you almost become as one and compensate for them when needed. If she is down, then I am there to carry her and vice versa.

So long as love and positive outlook is there everything is possible.

Peace

Hello Factbeforefiction:

I have been in the same predicament for a number of years now. My mother's boyfriend has a major knack for embracing negativity. He is always dying, or our cats are dying, or we don't have any money, or we are going to lose our home, or we cannot pay the bills, or his parents are dying, and on and on and on and on. It never ends.

I have tried my best to spread positivity in to his life. I try to make him life, I am always trying to be funny around him in the hopes that I can cheer him up. I am constantly trying to show him that I love him. These tactics sometimes work for a short time however he always reverts back to his negative train of thought. Though I have to admit that as time has gone on he has become a bit better in that regard.

My advice to you would be to never let negativity bring you down. Do not let it get to you. Use positivity to fight it. Try and brighten this persons day. Try and make them laugh, and if all else fails, then ignore it. As remaining happy, healthy, and positive is vital to ones own health and well being.

Positivity, in my opinion, is vitally important. It encourages the human race to never give up and to help those in need. I believe that negativity works to hinder this prospect. As when people are constantly negative, they tend to believe improving this planet is hopeless and therefore do less to try and bring forth a better and happier existence for all.

Negativity is a constructive force just as much as it is a destructive force. And vice versa with positivity. Without the negative, how would you even recognize the positive? Maybe, like others have said. Since you have dealt with this for an extended period of time, it is time to move on. But, do not leave the relationship with anger. Leave the relationship knowing you have learned a great deal.

reply to post by factbeforefiction


be careful what you wish for.