It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

Why Women Shouldn't Take Retired Men Shopping

page: 1
2

log in

join
share:

posted on Dec, 19 2009 @ 10:01 AM
link   
After I retired,my Joan insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men,I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women- she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Carter:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Merv Carter,are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 5: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 11: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. July 14: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. July 16: Moved a 'CAUTION- WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. July 20: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. July 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed 'why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMT's were called.

9. July 24: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10:July 27:While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11: July 29: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12: July 31:In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13: Aug.1 Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled PICK ME! PICK ME!

14:Aug.2 When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN! and last, but not least.

15:Aug. 3 Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey, There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

This was an email so I can not confirm the truth of it, but it IS funny to read.

Mod Edit: All Caps – Please Review This Link.


[edit on 24/12/2009 by Mirthful Me]




posted on Dec, 19 2009 @ 10:43 PM
link   
OMFG i am totally going to try this!!!

that is PERFECT!!



posted on Dec, 21 2009 @ 01:56 PM
link   
WOW!
Lucky me..my boyfriend is more of a shopper than Iam.



posted on Dec, 21 2009 @ 02:54 PM
link   
Funny...but:


July 11: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


Aside from truck drivers, I can't think of ANYONE in Wal-Mart who is unionized....so I have to call BS....



posted on Dec, 24 2009 @ 11:43 AM
link   
LOL!

50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart



1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!...” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “...I’m Batman. Come, Robin—to the Batcave!”

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

joek.com...



new topics

top topics
 
2

log in

join