This is part of my story,
it will always continue, and always grow as I do.
I would ask that people point out any grammer errors etc, as I am not a writer, When I do, it comes straight out and needs to be worked on as I
go. I'm also not very good at proof reading if you can't tell, but I do plan on writing a book someday. Sometimes school is not the only way to
I was terrible at english and grammer, as I bet you can tell as well, so all pointers are much apreciated and valued as are opinions to
Although the "story" won't change, the way it is formatted most likely will.
PS:I add more in farther posts, so scroll down
A serious new development in my spiritual growth.
(yes 2002, not 2004)
Something strange has started to happen to me. My own spiritual and psychic development has started to blend into the same thing. Some
might consider this a breakthrough in development and some might consider this a natural and normal evolution in the path of a psychic. I personally
don't know what to make of it yet. I am excited by it and it is a serious breakthrough for me in my own spiritual growth and evolution. My perception
of the world and why we are here is changing. Not a drastic change, I have always felt that we are here to learn and grow, but now it is taking on a
new dimension. What is happening? Well, to put it point blank, I am starting to communicate with spirits. This is something that I have never
experienced before. I have had several spirit encounters in my life, but not like this. It has been an unexpected turn of events for me, and a
pleasant one at that. So far, I have not spoken in the sense of having a conversation with a spirit and being able to ask my own questions, but I have
acted as a go-between for a few people. In the realm of psychic abilities, this is known as mediumship. A lot of you may be familiar with it by
watching such shows as John Edward's Crossing Over, or from other famous mediums that are currently finding popularity.
So far as I can tell, it is very similar to what they have been doing. In fact, it was while watching John Edward on TV that I suddenly realized I
could do it. He was explaining why he doesn't look directly at someone when he gives them a reading. He said that in order for the images to come
through clearly he needed to look away at anything other than the person in order to focus. I understood what he was talking about because when I used
to read Tarot and I would try to get some sort of information from my own intuition, I would often look away and let images just come to me. It
didn't always work, but when it did, I would repeat what I was seeing and it usually had some sort of meaning to the person I was reading for.
Something just clicked inside me when I heard how he was doing it. I understood. I jumped up from the couch and ran to my computer.
I frequent a place called Spiritweb on the internet, and I went there. The people there know me, as I have been going there for several
years. I feel like I can trust most people there, and when I feel rather psychic, I generally go there to discuss what I am feeling and to experiment
with what I am feeling psychic about at the time. When I entered the chat room, I explained that I had just watched John Edward and I was feeling
rather Edweirdish. There is always someone there willing to help me experiment. I am very grateful for the people that go there, and have made some
great friends over the years.
Of course, right away, people started to step forward to ask questions. I haven't given any readings there in quite some time because I
started to feel used. When you offer free advice, people flock out of the woodwork, and when you are good at it, they won't leave you alone. So a few
years ago, I stopped doing readings after several months of constant pressure to give readings every time I went there. My whole reason for going
there was to talk and maybe compare notes with other people like me. There are not any people in my area that I know of that actually practice and
work on their psychic abilities. No workshops, no groups, no spiritualistic churches etc. So I have had to turn towards the worldwide web for an
outlet and place to experiment and discuss my own experiences. I have never considered myself a great psychic, the abilities seem to come and go, and
the last few years, I have had a lot of personal issues to deal with so I haven't focused too much on that area of my life. Although I must admit, it
is always on my mind. I am always thinking and philosophizing inside myself. I didn't know what I was in for over the next few weeks.
Although I don't remember all of the exact conversations I had that first night, I remember some of the images and what happened with one
Someone asked me if I could see somebody, anybody for them. So I focused.
Instantly, I had a image of a person appear in my mind. I said, "Yes, I do see somebody." I then began to describe who I was seeing. First I
described the hair I saw, then the face, body size, clothing , area surrounding the person I was seeing.
The person I was talking to suddenly got excited.
"I know who you are seeing! That is my mother who died in January! Oh my God!"
I almost freaked out. I had such a clear image of this lady that it was almost like looking at a picture in front of my face. I didn't know
what to say or do next. This was all so sudden to me that I was taken by surprise.
"Ok," I said, "I can see her, is there anything you want to ask her?"
I figured that this would be a safe thing for me to ask because I had no clue what to say or do. The person asked me if her mother was ok, so I
focused on the image again and asked mentally if she was ok.
The image of the woman suddenly smiled and nodded her head. I noticed that I wasn't hearing anything, but I could see her movements rather clearly.
Her mouth moved but I didn't hear any noises, she was trying to tell me something, but I didn't understand what. So that's what I told the person I
was talking to. I said, "I can see her and she shook her head yes, that she was ok, but when she spoke, I couldn't understand what she was saying. I
didn't hear anything."
The woman asked me what else I was seeing. So I focused again on the image in my mind, and she suddenly grinned and pointed to a picture in
back of her. At this point the image of the lady faded, and the image that she was pointing to came into focus. It was almost like watching a slide
show. I saw a wall of pictures, and in the center was a large painting. I couldn't see what the painting was, but I could see the frame rather
I started to type out what I was seeing. I said that she was showing me a wall of pictures, with a large one in the center. I asked the person I was
talking to in the chat room if she knew what that was, because I had no idea. This had never happened to me before so I didn't understand what was
going on. I was just going with it.
The lady in the chat room said that when her mother died, she had taken a lot of her pictures and a large painting her mother had painted and
had put them up in her house all on one wall. When I read that, the image changed slightly and I saw a coffee table under the painting and pictures.
I asked if there was a coffee table under them and the answer was yes.
At this point I was getting rather excited, to me, this was a BIG deal. The image was so clear that I felt like I was looking at a TV screen. But I
had noticed that I couldn't make out the painting. I still don't know why I could see everything so clearly but the painting was blank. I asked
about the painting, I noticed that the image seemed to always be focused on it. I said that I couldn't see what it was, but it must be important
because it seems to be the focus of what I am seeing. The lady told me that it was a painting of an owl, and every time she walked by it, she felt her
mother. The image then switched back to the lady I was seeing the first time. The lady was smiling again. I felt very warm and kind of like I was
being given a hug, so I repeated that to the lady in the chat room. I also said that I felt that it was for both of us. And I felt a very loving
feeling, a very warm and soft, gentle kind of emotion. I said that her mother must be a very wonderful and loving person, because it seems like she is
not only making me feel very warm, but also that it seems to be not only directed at me, but at you to. The lady in the chat room said that she also
was feeling it, her mother was hugging her and we were both feeling it.
The lady on the other side of the computer started to cry. She said she had been hoping for this for some time since her mother died, to know that she
was ok. She was worried that her mother wasn't happy with her, because of the pictures she had taken and thought that maybe she shouldn't of taken
The image of her mother came in again, and she was grinning ear to ear. I started to cry myself. I was beginning to understand what was
happening here, and felt so honored to be a part of it. I told her that her mother was back and was grinning at me. I then felt like I was supposed to
say something, and it just kind of came out.
"Your mother is glad that you have the pictures, she wants you to keep them and not to sell them. The painting of the owl, your mother thinks you
should keep that, and when you miss her, look at the painting, and know that she is there with you."
Then the picture of her mother changed slightly, I saw her standing there, tapping her foot. So I repeated that to the lady I was chatting
with, I said "I don't know why, but your mother is tapping her foot and looking rather impatient."
The lady told me that when her mother was waiting for an answer to something she used to do that. "Oh, so your mother is waiting for a question! I
see! Is there anything else that you want to know about?"
"Yes", she said, "when my mother died, a purse of hers was stolen, does she say anything about that?"
I mentally asked the question, but before I was finished asking, I saw a purse. "Is it a black leather purse with an alligator grain to it and a gold
clasp at the top to keep it closed?"
"Yes, that's it!"
"I see it." I said. Then the image started to take on the role of a movie, I saw the purse sitting on a table, an older lady came in and grabbed it.
I described what I was seeing and the lady I was talking to said "Oh my God! That's my aunt!"
The image changed again and I saw the lady clutching the purse very close to her, and I felt an emotion like she felt that it should be hers,
that it was all she had left of the person it belonged to. That it was hers to begin with and now that her sister was gone, she should have it back,
and it will help to keep her close to her sister.
This was very odd for me, because I felt her emotions towards the purse. I repeated what I saw and what I was feeling. The lady I was talking to said
that the purse was indeed her aunts, but that she had given it to her sister as a present.
"Well, that's where it went." I said, and then an image of her mother came back in.
Again I started to feel like I was supposed to say something, this time it was more of a feeling of letting it go. So I repeated that to her.
"Your mother wants you to let it go, she needs the purse more than you do. It is all she feels she has left to remind her of her sister, she is
emotionally attached to it. Your mother wants her to keep it."
She said that she understood, but her mother again made me push that at her.
"Let it go."
The lady then said that there was money in the purse, and she needed that money. Again, I said,
"Let it go."
I saw her aunt again, clutching the purse.
"She won't give it to you. She feels that it is hers. I saw an empty cupboard. She needs the money too I added. Your aunt doesn't have much, and I
get the feeling that you are secure. Your aunt needs the money more than you. Is this correct?"
"Yes, you are right, but its the principal of the matter."
The image of her mother came back, and she was frowning a little. "Your mother doesn't think so, she is frowning at me. She keeps saying to
let it go. You aren't planning to let it go are you?"
"No, she shouldn't have it, its not hers anymore. She stole it."
At this point, I didn't know what to say. I felt almost like I was being caught in between a family quarrel between a mother and daughter.
Her mother then smiled at me again and I got the feeling that I should focus on that again. "Your mother is smiling now." I said. "I think
she is getting ready to go. Is there anything else you want me to ask your mother?"
"No, please tell her that I love her."
I was again shown the painting.
"She already knows that," I said, "and wants you to know that she is always there when you need her. When you feel lonely, you are supposed to look
at the painting she did of the owl, and she will be there for you and will comfort you."
"Thank you!" She said, and then her mothers image faded away.
"No, thank you! I was honored to be able to help you. You and your mother have actually helped me more than you know. I have never done this
before, and I am so glad that I could assist."
I spent the next couple of weeks doing this. I spoke to several people and acted to bridge the gap between them and thier relatives.
I also saw several pets and a couple of relatives that didn't seem to have much to say other than to smile. I saw a couple of spirit guides, and lots
of images of places. Then I stopped.
I realized, I have no clue what I am doing. I mean, I know what is happening, but I don't feel like I am qualified to do it. It is very easy
for someone who has never experienced it to say "If I could do it, I would." It's not that easy for me. I am not scared of the ability, I am more
scared of the situations that I am put into.
So far, every spirit I have encountered that had a message to pass was very nice, and very happy or glad it seems to be able to communicate, same for
those people on this side.
However, a few instances have been rather serious in nature, people on this side wanting information I can't seem to get those on the other side to
inform me of. Or the situation turns really deep and I myself feel to uncomfortable to continue.
It is hard to explain correctly. I don't feel qualified in this area, I suppose that comes with experience, but for now, I have blocked it out for
the most part until I can read up some on it and inform myself on what I can expect.
I have been spending a lot of time speaking with other people who are mediums trying to get a grasp on what is going on, what I can expect, what I
should do with it, etc. Maybe someday I will be able to feel more secure in it and put it to use, but for now, I am in a learning phase. I had it
verified through several people, that I am indeed speaking with and seeing those who have crossed over, I was worried about that at first, thinking it
was only my imagination, or a fluke.
Now I know it is happening, and I am a little cautious about running headlong into it. I need to get informed, so that I don't accidently do
something wrong, though I honestly don't know what that could be. But I guess I need to make sure that I can do it without some sort of unseen
pitfall that I am not aware of.
Some people concider this a serious gift, one that should be used. I hope I come to that same conclusion, because if I do, I could possibly help many
people get peace of mind, and learn a lot myself along the way. Out of all of the things I have experienced, this seems to be the most helpful as of
yet. I can only imagine what spirit has in store for me next. I have been healing myself the last couple of years, healing a lot of mental and
emotional pain, and I think I am finally reaching the end of that proccess.
It seems that spirit is giving me another reward, the reward of helping others.
This is giving me a whole new perspective on life in general, and I am excited again about what life might have instore for me.
Another piece of my puzzle is falling into place and I am again growing.
[Edited on 24-5-2004 by Darkblade71]