g'day mate, rough times no?
sorry things are feelin that way for ya & I'm gonna mention 3 things but completely avoid this nonsense man vs. woman arguement, like someone else
said its the personalities not the gender.
If it were the gender, how would you explain gay men who are of the category that they say 'i'm a
woman in a mans body' right and what if they're abusing to their partners? its not the gender man, its the people. can you see my point of view?
what do you think about that?
now the only 3 solutions i can think of that might help you,
A book called the celestine prophecy talks (in a chapter) about "control dramas"
and how they define conflict management & why things always
seem to pan out exactly the same way. The book is under the category of fiction, but the info on control dramas is legit & solid enough that it
2ndly, learn about your own addiction to the chemicals produced by your brain
that cause you to feel this way. It might seem insane to you
know, but its not your fault either. You quite literally NEED to feel 'normal' right? so if you're being constantly beat down by the world, thats
whats gonna feel normal right? and you so desperately want some happyness but everytime it starts to happen something comes along and stuffs it up?
most often self-sabotage? and then you're left wondering "why did i do that? i didn't want to do that...i guess i am useless" and then BAM!
the chemical addiction has one over again & forced you to deliver it it's 'fix' for those chemicals. Its no different to when brain cell receptors
adapt to nicotine.
you can find that info on - what the bleep do we know.
finally, If you want to be able to win arguements without being hurtful or even giving your 'opponent' a single word with which to twist and cause
distraction, I have a book you should read.
this same book will also help you to let go of things & not let current arguements extend to mentioning things that each other did ages ago...teaches
you how to not 'own' your arguement, i.e. don't wear the anger.
I grew up with my (at the time) somewhat deranged & clinically depressed mother, shes a lot better now, 20 yrs later, but it was always me 'raising
my mother' than my mother raising her child, I taught myself virtually everything i know. Dealing with this personality my whole life destroyed me at
several times throughout my life and as a result there have been 3 attempts on my life, once by me. I'm good now too, but it was a long time before I
realised there was only so much I could do to change her, that it wasn't my job anyway & to focus on MY needs.
thats around the same time i found this book & it completely reversed the dynamics of those never ending ever repeating conflicts.
suddenly I was able to manage to situation from a neutral point of view, fantastic! i can step into the 3rd person and watch the arguement from
outside of myself, this means that when i'm called a loser, it won't upset me enough that I reply with more insults & instead quite calmly express
that they're hurting my feelings, which is hard to do otherwise, because your blood is boiling.
anyway hope it helps, and dead set, you'd be a complete & utter fool not to read this book. or an emotional junky that can't beat his habit. The
choice is yours, do whats right for the 'future' you for once
btw, I sent info about this book to the mods & it was much appreciated & I wouldn't be suprised if they are implimenting some of the methods in their
work here. In fact, one of the mods studied the martial arts from which these conflict resolution methods come from
Aikido in everyday life: giving in to get your way
best of luck getting ur life+head straightened out
P.S)if u still think its gender I've completely wasted my time here.
[edit on 7/12/09 by B.Morrison]