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[Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Meennesnowta. Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it – you vill like it…]
If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on
Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.
There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.
Okay then, listen up: I'm only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn't bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve're going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.
In the event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying the Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to the part about forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us," vich isn't right, but vat can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane's navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.
Ve're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.
Then ve'll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!
Right now I'll say Grace “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.” *