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Toilet tissue kills

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posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 09:44 AM
To the OP........ please get out more!
Toilet paper conspiracy????.......some people never cease to amaze me!!

I am really hoping this is a spoof topic, because if it isn't......I fear for the future of this site

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 09:54 AM
I just KNEW there was something sinister about Mr. Whipple! He didn't want people to squeeze out all the mind control chemicals that were in the TP. Awesome tip. Would you be so kind as to explain to my wife why I will not be wiping anymore?

OMG!!!! I just realized why Beavis was always saying "TP for my bunghole", he was one of the first test subjects! A hopeless TP addict for TPTB. NOW you also know where Krusty the clown got his name! This will require some serious investigative reporting. We better get John Stoessels on it pronto!

[edit on 21-11-2009 by Asktheanimals]

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:08 AM
This reminds me of a story that my Grandfather used to tell me. He said that back in the day they used to use corn cobs to do the job. Said they had a big basket of them in the out house with a ratio of about 5 brown corn cobs to every white one. He asked me if I knew what the white one's were for and I told him no. He told me that they were to see if you needed another brown one. Eeewwww... Grandpa

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:11 AM
I agree and nice thinking outside the box!

I've thought the same about deodorant, putting it right on our skin and letting it soak in.

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:17 AM
reply to post by RestingInPieces

Hmmmm.A post with an unconditional declarative sentence. What follows? 4 unanswered questions. No evidence, even unverified secondhand hearsay. So convincing that I had no choice but to walk down the hall in the lab and grab a piece of Sam's Club TP. Throw it in the pyrolyzing gas chromatograph. Results? Um, guess what, TPTB have conspired with Chinese TP makers to make TP out of. of all things, paper. Not being satisfied, since it's on ATS, whose moderators would never allow unsupported supposition to sully the purity and essence of true conspiracy theory, I had the lab asst prepare a solution from another sample for use in the high performance liquid chromatograph.
Nada, except a tiny bit of carbon nitrogen ions which would not normally be in paper. There is also some evidence of a quarternary ammonium group. This must be what the OP meant.
Further research showed, however, that the contaminants were products of a totally innocuous additive, PAE, which is used to strengthen the ability of the paper fibers to hold together when wet. I kinda like that idea, given the alternative.
Thr "Bottom (sorry - couldn 't resist) line is, go ahead and fearlessly wipe. Nothing there to fear.
And to think, I spent 24 years in school to test toilet pape Oh well, Friday night in Southwest Florida was busy an d I hve 3 DBs to process.

[edit on 21-11-2009 by 4nsicphd]

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:24 AM
They once sold tp in a vast array of colors and patterns - you could get tp to match your bathroom decor

They found the dyes used to color the tp caused irritation and UTIs in women, so they generally stopped making it.
Occasionally, I still see some at the liquidation stores and such.

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:26 AM

Originally posted by RestingInPieces

If you are a true believer that the government/NWO is trying to infect us, why on earth are you still using toilet paper?

In answer to your specific query, the long and short of it is because I much prefer a clean butt to one... er, not so clean.

Of course, it could be that TPTB are embedding bathroom tissue with all sorts of stuff far nastier than the stuff it used to remove. But the same could be presumed of paper towels, hand sanitizers, headache remedies, dish detergents, Big Mac wrappers, ATM buttons, grocery cart handles, gas pump handles, newspaper ink, Walmart ads and of course, dry roasted peanuts.

Oh well. If they really want us dead, I guess we either live free until that death or live a little longer in anxiety and fear with a dirty behind.

Ya know?


Edit: Typos

[edit on 21-11-2009 by redoubt]

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:27 AM

Originally posted by ExPostFacto
I'm lmfao over here. This is the craziest conspiracy theory ever and yet the most probable. I never thought about that. We all use TP. There is no better way to reduce the population than to just put something in the toilet paper and it would seep into your anus.

I disagree.

The air we breathe is the best way to reduce the population.

Google "chem trails."

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:28 AM
After this hearing this startling information about killer TP, am seriously considering not pooping again until this mystery is solved.

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:31 AM
Has anybody actually checked the colon/prostate cancer rates and compared them to places that use toilet paper, and places that use that water washer(korea, japan ect)?

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 10:42 AM
This is the most wild ass ATS theory I have seen here ever.

Pun fully intended.

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:02 AM
Is this killer toilet paper what killed Farrah Fawcett.....

Interesting idea...

Just my 2-cents

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:28 AM
follow the islamic way my friend, blast your arse with a high powered jet of water til its totally clean. wipe iT dry with tissue then dispose of same in a collection bucket...... QUALITY,,,,,,


posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:32 AM
reply to post by RestingInPieces

Where I grew up was minimally chemically treated reservoir water though moved to a hard water area as a teenager....there's so much limescale in this tap water that even after all the chemical treatments it still leaves a limescale film on top of drinks! Worse than that it's recycled sewage joke...I didn't know this until about 6 years ago and since then only drink bottled mineral water for everything, for my family too...I even use it for cooking.

Occasionally I have tried drinking filtered tap water at work in coffee though it seriously makes my stomach ache and felt like vomiting...if you don't drink it then after a while you can even smell it and it still smells a bit like recycled sewage water...ewwwww!

I have gotten so much stick from colleagues for not srinking tap water....does that make sense? Who's drinking the sewage... not me!!!!

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:34 AM
its actualy a GREAT thread,it really is a smart way to infect us good thought!

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:37 AM
reply to post by serendipitynow

The stores here in the UK still do esp M&S (higher end groceries dept. store) and the perfumed and patterned varieties are to avoid those!

For those worried about chemical TP there are organic baby wipes that could be used for cleanliness...even better to be uber hygienic and use anti-bacterial like we do....infused with natural anti bacterials like lavender and tea tree oils!

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:39 AM
yikes - you guys!
stop giving them all of your good and evil ideas!

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 11:53 AM

Originally posted by heyo
I know what you mean. I thought about this years ago and haven't wiped my ass since.
Well I used to, but there is no longer a "paper or plastic" option, and newspapers stain.

UR killing me man!

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 12:03 PM
reply to post by RestingInPieces

i got a question lets pretend you are right... what are we supposed to use now? leafs?

posted on Nov, 21 2009 @ 12:08 PM
OK im lost now...what is TP, or is it called TPBP? is it a criminal organiztion? a reffernce to conspiracy corporations and toilet paper? an actual carrcinogenic chemical?
Defcon5 LOL!!!! when we were 13, a freind of mine in the woods one day, had to do number 2..guess what he wiped with....poison ivy!!! lol no lie!!! he thought it was leaves, gravbbed a handfullw iped, huors went by, he ended up in hospiotl, and doctors told his parents, we wiped with posion ivy* lol he was in so much agony over the extreme itching in that area.....
We later reminded him...DONT every use fresh green leaves, especially shiney 3 pointed green ones

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