posted on Nov, 20 2009 @ 11:01 PM
Desperately seeking a man ’s perspective:
Ok. If any of you have read my other post you know I am married I had an affair that was not physical but intense just the same. It has been well over
a year and I am still in much pain and confusion. I need a man’s point of view so I will tell the story and if you would please give me your
opinion. Maybe it will help me get on with my life one way or the other.
This guy started coming by my work (his mom worked for the same company but not in the office with me) so he would drop bye to talk he later told me
that the reason he came by was to see my beautiful smile. We would joke and laugh it was casual. After a few times I asked if he would play Santa
Clause for our upcoming Christmas party and he said yes. So he played Santa. After a couple of more weeks I hired him. He seemed like he would be a
good employee. At first he was flirty but I pretty much ignored him. When I would ignore him he would make some kind of comment or something to get my
One day on Valentines he came by the office to “talk” and I had a dozen roses on my desk he went on about the only time a man sends roses is when
he has done something wrong. He hung around until everyone left but him and me. We closed up together and he walked me out the back door and walked to
his car around front. I offered to let him out the front but he insisted on going out the back. Anyway at this point I was slightly smitten, something
about him hit me that day and stuck but I was still not going there. Okay then he started texting me and becoming flirty we talked about work at first
then we got very close we talked from first thing in the morning to bed time and sometimes in the middle of the night. In April I was called out to
work at around 11 at night, he was too and he told me if I could I should drop bye and see him at the house he was working in, so I did. When I got
their guy he was staying with was asleep so we were alone. We talked and I ended up in his arms, I went to kiss him and he pulled back and said I was
married and we worked together. He said he did not want to be THAT guy, I told him he already was THAT guy but I agreed yet he held me and we caressed
each other and talked all night.
At this point I was head over totally completely hopelessly in love with him. We met at a park once and hugged and stuff and we kept texting and
talking everyday. He told me I was a pain in his ass, and I told him he adored me and he agreed. He would make remarks about my husband having a
little weenie and stuff. My husband and I were having problems at the time anyway and I told my husband I had feelings for someone else. It was a mess
and he came to work and made a scene that cost me my job. I moved out and got an apartment and the guy I was seeing came over the first day I moved,
again we just talked and held each other and he acted like he did not want to leave.
Things between him and my husband got very ugly and this guys mom was afraid that my husband would kill him (she lost a daughter and his horrified of
loosing another child). Now he had a girlfriend too. I would ask him to come over and he said he would soon but would not tell me when, that he wanted
to surprise me. When we talked about us he would say either that we were just friends or that he was confused or needed more time. We had so much in
common and would be soooo happy together it was like I was home (if that makes since) with him. When we were around each other you could literally
feel the sparks fly, others commented on it. When no one was around he would slap my butt or rub my back or we would hug. But, I was growing very
frustrated so I asked a friend of his to help me and this so called friend just screwed things up and the guy I loved got mad at me and said he could
not trust me and pretty much stopped talking to me.
So with out a job and very lonely I ended up back with my husband. We went to therapy and are doing okay, I have never been in love with my husband
but I do love him. But I still pine after this other guy. I have a hole in my soul, I have fasted, prayed, I mean I have done everything to stop
thinking about him, but no luck. About a month ago he sent word (I think he initiated me finding out) that he was broken up with his girlfriend. We
have talked a couple of times and I have seen him a couple of times, he is still flirty and has made a couple of derogatory remarks about my husband;
pretty much my husband wants to shoot him and he wants to shoot my husband, they are very bitter. He said he was OK with me just not my husband. In
fact my husband would be furious if he new I have seen or talked to this guy. I have no one to talk to because I do not trust a soul after what
happened I trusted people and just made problems for myself and him.
Okay so what do yall think he was up to? Did he have feelings or were we just friends or what? What were his intentions? I told him in the beginning
not to start something he could not finish but he did and in the end would not man up, so I am left with hole inside that I cannot fix. What gives?
Why did he not man up?
(added paragraphs for easier reading)
[edit on 24-11-2009 by Gazrok]