I May Be Spending Christmas In Jail

child suport is a joke, men get shafted 150%. to the op, this is awful man, i hope it turns out for the best.. however dont imagine that will happen. equal rights my ass. if i had full custody of a child, the women would almost certainly owe no money

If it were me I would do the time...just To piss her (your ex) and the system off ...what kind of time are we talking? 90 days? its the same here in Canada, a child is a life long commitment not just until 18 and college really ties you into that deal as sad as that sounds...just do the time man.

Google Father's Rights. There are several organizations that help fathers with child support issues. I don't remember their names now but I did a lot of research a few years ago before my husband's child support ended. His ex was always gouging us.

Also, go over every word of the divorce decree. My husband's ex was always hitting us for money by quoting the divorce decree. After I went over it and calculated what she owed us for not following her portion of the decree she owed us $13,000. Not of course that we ever got it but she did stop jacking with us.

I feel for you. The system is corrupt and broken. It is currently set up so the lawyers can make money out of us, the real people. I personally have seen over the last year over 30 thousand dollars fly out of our bank account to pay a lawyer to fight the relentless harrassment by my wifes ex-husband. All of it groundless bull# designed to harm and get revenge on his ex-wife. What kind of a system allows this?

I think its maybe time the constitution needs revised to stop this profit in peoples misery. The court systems need to be streamlined at the very least. When people start going to jail for not having enough money I think its time to consider drastic measures. Maybe a revolution is in order.

Originally posted by eldard
This is unfortunate. My sympathies.

This is why college is a load of crap! In the olden times, if the parents were financially tight, kids were supposed to send themselves to school, right?

It's really interesting that the more important a college degree has become over the decades, as 'social' currency, the higher the price imposed upon the 'certification,' the less accessible it has become.... go figure.

The ability to reach a certain level of lifestyle has become, in and of itself, a commodity....

Perhaps that is the price of materialistic consumerism as a culture. Too bad we are told what to think.

But this is not directly relevant to the OP, so please forgive the compulsion to comment.

I agree wholeheartedly that you trust the idea that there are people in this world, and even some organized groups, that specialize in helping people in your situation.

I really like the idea of a letter to the editor, or seeking the help of an elected official, they may help you.... especially if it is someone who has already disagreed with this judge in the past.

Just a thought.

[edit on 20-11-2009 by Maxmars]

Originally posted by wiredamerican
I say let the house go into foreclosure and forget about the place. Also pay any money the courts say you owe for support. Then forget everything about your ex wife as well as the kids. Attempt to start a new life far far away. We only live 90 or so years, please don't waste it! There is no shame in saying I give up and starting a new life.

No,
He'll just end up losing his home and if the courts decide against him then he will still owe two years worth of back support. His credit will be destroyed and he won't be able to get another home for years.

He isn't the first person to be screwed this way but it's his fault for trusting a woman who has the temerity to let him pay for all of that school and know that she's still going to go back to claim child support.

There are too many nice guys out there getting the shaft because they tried to do the right thing and didn't have it in a court order. (I am one of those guys.)

He won't fix things by losing his home.
He needs to find out what the damage is and set up a way to pay the back child support if the judgement goes against him.

Either way, he needs to get his daughter moved in with him because she does have a choice at her age or he needs to have her stop going to school and wait a few years until he can help her get through school without the ex getting any of the money.

It's a legal matter and he can play the nice guy and get screwed or he can go in and do what's right for himself.

If he helps himself then he can help his daughter later. If he lets the ex screw him then the daughter won't get what she needs for college because the ex will keep the current child support as well as the back child support money up front. She will expect him to still pay for all of his daughters school expenses and anything he can't cover the daughter will have to work to pay herself.

The kid has a choice too. If she wants to get legal residence with her dad then he will get support and will be able to spend his money on his daughters education without worrying about a greedy ex taking the child support.
If that's not good enough for the girl, then maybe she doesn't need to go to school.

Go big or go home.




[edit on 20-11-2009 by badgerprints]

File a counter suit against her stating that you have paid your child support on the children for the last 17-18 years show all receipts and transactions you have had. That you sold assets and raised the money for the first years of college etc.

Continue that the childs mother refused to even pay a dime of the childs college which is her responsibilty AS WELL.

The childs mother refuses to lend a hand and state that you have not only supported the children but you were supporting here. $2,500 a month is what some families live on a month with 2 parents in the home.

Explain your going into foreclosure, you face losing your home and wife or in turn go to jail and possibly lose your wife again.

Lose Lose Situation inless your bring advocate groups and bigger lawyers into it. Turn it on all HER, it sounds messed up but do what you gotta do.

GOOD LUCK

reply to post by jtma508


Man, that really blows. I would talk to an attorney and see if there's anyway you can fight it. If you can take this case in front of a jury you will won.


How long id the jail time? It sucks but I would put the money to the house and sit in jail, don't give your ex anything.

I'm just wondering why you haven't gotten custody of your daughter if her mother is not acting in the best interests of your daughter. Child support payments are only paid when your ex has custody right? From what you've told us, it would seem that it would be a rather easy thing to do. Although, it may be a little late to begin this to save you from being foreclosed on, seems like you would have done this before now - if we're hearing the whole story. I'm not saying you're hiding something nefarious, I'm just saying that the story you've presented is very one sided (I'm also not taking up for your ex either).

reply to post by helltick


Wouldn't that then go on his permanent record? (Not sure how US system works.)

I appreciate everyone's support and will answer a few comments without citing the poster:

Forgetting my kids and moving away is not even remotely an option. Obviously posted by a non-parent. You don't just kick your kids to the curcb. It's not their fault. I love my kids.

Yes, I had to go into court pro se (on my own). If I didn't have the money to pay my bills/mortgage I certianly couldn't cough-up the $2k-$3k retainer for an attorney. I consulted an attorney ($250 for an hour) just the other day. Even she told me that if I walk into court with an attorney the judge is going to ask how much I was paying her and if I could pay an attorney I could pay my ex. This from a lawyer. Even she said I'm screwed.

Keep in mind, I'm 57yo. This isn't some new situation. This has been going on for over 17yrs. My ex is an alcoholic, bitter, cold, ugly person. But above all else she is the ultiate materialist and a saprophyte. It's all about the money to her. It always has been.

Our original divorce decree/support order only said we each (mother and father) were required to put $250/yr into a college account. That's it. She refuses to release that money to the kids however.

The judge is fiully aware of my financial situation. He knows we're in foreclosure and he knows what I paid for college. He would not, however, allow me to tell him about my ex's work history and did not require that she submit a financial statement although naturally I was required to submit one.

I have been over our state's support guidelines (we're one of the worst in the country). It clearly states that 'both parents bear an equal financial resposibility to support the children'. It also states that 'child support shall not be disguised alimony'. It goes on to say that 'payments-in-kind should be considered as child support'. The attorney I consulted told me that although that last point is true, it would only be considered if you consulted the court BEFORE you made the payment and it gave its blessing. The first two points are entirely ignored by the court.

My ex is a control freak and whenever my daughter would do something to piss her off (or when she had her drunk on) she'd take things away during her rampages. In the early days it was the cellphone and computer so my daughter couldn't contact me. So I got her a cellphone since it was unsafe for her to be away at school without a phone. My ex loaned her money to buy a car so she can work while at school. So now she threatens the car. My daughter is working over 22hrs a week while a fulltime college student in order to pay her mother for the car insurance and car.

Over the last couple of years my ex and her husband have repeatedly told my daughter to move out (always during their drunken rampages). My daughter knows she is alwzys welcome here. The only thing that hjas prevented it is her school. I'm in a different state so she'd lose her in-state discount. With my situation being so tenusous regarding the house the judge may not even let her move here. However, my daughter wants to emancipate and we're investigating that. But it won't help with the arrears.

To some of you, I know it SEEMS like the judge would have to consider all these things but --- as I've said --- I've been in this system for over 17yrs. They don't. The mothers can say whatever they want and are rarely required to provide proof. Their financial situation is never checked as to whether they are working to their reasonable potential and there is no accountability as to where the money goes. My ex has been remarried since our divorce was final an he makes decent money. They have a very upscale lifestyle living in the horse farm they built. But his income is not considered. My wife's income, however, is up for grabs as far as the court is concerned. My wife loves my kids but can you imagine how this makes her feel? Can you appreciate the damage it is doing to my marriage?

As my kids came into adulthood they became aware of what I was paying their mother. So when they needed something (like a car for work or paying for college) and their mother refused they would ask where all the money went. The most common answer they got was that it went to pay the mortgage. Child support, according the IRS, is the children's money. Which is why the recipient parent doesn't have to claim it or pay taxes on it. Both my kids have worked since they were in high school and have mostly paid for their own clothes and expenses. Sure, there has been food and their share of utilities, etc. So the rest of the $26k/year went against the mortgage. The kids have paid the mortgage. Wanna hear the kicker? The deed/title to the house is held with 'survivorship'. What that means is that if an asteroid were to land on my ex and squish her like a bug (God forbid), the property in its entirety would go to my ex's husband. Kids get zilch.

Again, thankyou everyone for your words of support. The fact is, howver, that I am screwed. I screwed myself by getting into the catch-22 of not having money for an attorney when one was needed most. I will reach ut to the news media when all this goes down. I'm sure the judge will make sure that I pay dearly for that move but as I see it at least I'll have a place to live.

Enlist the help of an advocacy group in your area. There are many Father's rights advocates around the country. One may be able to offer assistance legally once you've told your story.

Good luck to you, Sir. It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing by your daughter and that's highly comendable.

That sucks, but you lost when you were born with a penis. Women are allowed to skate throught life if they wish, and have things just handed to them. Remember, when you are dealing with her, you are dealing with a child in an adults body.

Originally posted by IntelRetard
Pay what they want then turn your ex into the IRS for unclaimed income

That is REALLY REALLY bad advice and illustrates why giving legal advice without being a lawyer is both illegal and dangerous for the recipient. Five minutes of research would show that court ordered child support is neither taxable income to the recipient nor deductable for the payor.
So follow the posted advice and set yourself up for a Sec 1001 Federal false report charge, lose every bit of the moral highground you desperately need to keep, paint yourself as the vindictive liar your ex wants the judge to believe you are,and otherwise destroy any chance you have of relief being granted on equitable grounds.
I, as someone who did go to law school and has done divorce law for 35 years, will advise you to: 1. Ignore all advice from friends, acquaintances, and others who may be transferring venom resulting from theior own bad experiences to your situation without knowing either what they are talking about or the consequences of their ignorant advice; 2. Spend a day or two in Family Court watching lawyers, and pick one who seems to fit you and your case; 3. Listen to thay lawyer and do exactly what he says.
Good luck.

[edit on 21-11-2009 by 4nsicphd]

I'm soooo sorry a great parent like you is getting royally screwed!!
But it's the way Family Court routinely operates as far as I can see....
I say F*CK your ex and keep your money!!
And as Amamnesis advised "Enlist the help of an advocacy group in your area. There are many Father's rights advocates around the country. One may be able to offer assistance legally once you've told your story."

[edit on 11/21/2009 by SmokeyDawn]

reply to post by SpacePunk


This is why I try to avoid buying anything Swedish. That country is overrun with feminazis. Their representative for the Miss Universe once backed out because of the concensus in her country that pageants objectify women. Uh, duh?!

First off, I'm sorry to hear it. But I'd go for saving the home.

This sounds like something my ex-wife would do...

Soory about yuor situation man...hope things look up better for you...
id ont have kids or nothing, but the system is flawed badly, and yes in cour, it does faovr the woman* moreso when its about money and child support, they automaatically assume the man is a deadbeat, guilty before innocent*
if i were yuo, ide avoid jail...becasue now you will have a record, regardless. tha knida document will be iwth you for life, and if one day you go for an interview, job, or whatever the case, and they ask have you ever been in prison* they just might discrimiate against you and not hire/take you then* kinda like yuor over qualified coughs too old excuse*

reply to post by jtma508


First off: Go to jail.

Second: I agree with Maxamar .. if you were represented congrats, you hired the worlds worst lawyer. If you were unrepresented, you in most likely chances, would owe your wife nothing at all. So my advice after your stint in jail, is to hire a lawyer and counter sue your ex wife.

By taking foreclosure route you will put enormous strain on your current relationship .. even more so than spending a few nights in jail. Your ex sounds like a nasty piece of work .. the only thing I hope is that your children see you for what you really are; a good father. And her for what she is.. and I won't put a title to that.

Court system favors women. Our entire society looks down on fathers. It looks down on men in general .. but it is what it is .. hope you figure it out mate.

PS. Your story (and the replies of the many exes and child support payers) is the exact reason why after 10years of dating I am still not married.. and will continue putting it off until I have no choice. By which time I will hopefully crafted a nice prenuptial agreements...

[edit on 11/21/2009 by Rockpuck]

A real life Kobayashi Maru...