I May Be Spending Christmas In Jail, page 2

I appreciate everyone's support and will answer a few comments without citing the poster:

Forgetting my kids and moving away is not even remotely an option. Obviously posted by a non-parent. You don't just kick your kids to the curcb. It's not their fault. I love my kids.

Yes, I had to go into court pro se (on my own). If I didn't have the money to pay my bills/mortgage I certianly couldn't cough-up the $2k-$3k retainer for an attorney. I consulted an attorney ($250 for an hour) just the other day. Even she told me that if I walk into court with an attorney the judge is going to ask how much I was paying her and if I could pay an attorney I could pay my ex. This from a lawyer. Even she said I'm screwed.

Keep in mind, I'm 57yo. This isn't some new situation. This has been going on for over 17yrs. My ex is an alcoholic, bitter, cold, ugly person. But above all else she is the ultiate materialist and a saprophyte. It's all about the money to her. It always has been.

Our original divorce decree/support order only said we each (mother and father) were required to put $250/yr into a college account. That's it. She refuses to release that money to the kids however.

The judge is fiully aware of my financial situation. He knows we're in foreclosure and he knows what I paid for college. He would not, however, allow me to tell him about my ex's work history and did not require that she submit a financial statement although naturally I was required to submit one.

I have been over our state's support guidelines (we're one of the worst in the country). It clearly states that 'both parents bear an equal financial resposibility to support the children'. It also states that 'child support shall not be disguised alimony'. It goes on to say that 'payments-in-kind should be considered as child support'. The attorney I consulted told me that although that last point is true, it would only be considered if you consulted the court BEFORE you made the payment and it gave its blessing. The first two points are entirely ignored by the court.

My ex is a control freak and whenever my daughter would do something to piss her off (or when she had her drunk on) she'd take things away during her rampages. In the early days it was the cellphone and computer so my daughter couldn't contact me. So I got her a cellphone since it was unsafe for her to be away at school without a phone. My ex loaned her money to buy a car so she can work while at school. So now she threatens the car. My daughter is working over 22hrs a week while a fulltime college student in order to pay her mother for the car insurance and car.

Over the last couple of years my ex and her husband have repeatedly told my daughter to move out (always during their drunken rampages). My daughter knows she is alwzys welcome here. The only thing that hjas prevented it is her school. I'm in a different state so she'd lose her in-state discount. With my situation being so tenusous regarding the house the judge may not even let her move here. However, my daughter wants to emancipate and we're investigating that. But it won't help with the arrears.

To some of you, I know it SEEMS like the judge would have to consider all these things but --- as I've said --- I've been in this system for over 17yrs. They don't. The mothers can say whatever they want and are rarely required to provide proof. Their financial situation is never checked as to whether they are working to their reasonable potential and there is no accountability as to where the money goes. My ex has been remarried since our divorce was final an he makes decent money. They have a very upscale lifestyle living in the horse farm they built. But his income is not considered. My wife's income, however, is up for grabs as far as the court is concerned. My wife loves my kids but can you imagine how this makes her feel? Can you appreciate the damage it is doing to my marriage?

As my kids came into adulthood they became aware of what I was paying their mother. So when they needed something (like a car for work or paying for college) and their mother refused they would ask where all the money went. The most common answer they got was that it went to pay the mortgage. Child support, according the IRS, is the children's money. Which is why the recipient parent doesn't have to claim it or pay taxes on it. Both my kids have worked since they were in high school and have mostly paid for their own clothes and expenses. Sure, there has been food and their share of utilities, etc. So the rest of the $26k/year went against the mortgage. The kids have paid the mortgage. Wanna hear the kicker? The deed/title to the house is held with 'survivorship'. What that means is that if an asteroid were to land on my ex and squish her like a bug (God forbid), the property in its entirety would go to my ex's husband. Kids get zilch.

Again, thankyou everyone for your words of support. The fact is, howver, that I am screwed. I screwed myself by getting into the catch-22 of not having money for an attorney when one was needed most. I will reach ut to the news media when all this goes down. I'm sure the judge will make sure that I pay dearly for that move but as I see it at least I'll have a place to live.