The Intruders[AFWC]

First short story since high school, trying to get back into it.

Edit: Updated story, changed title from "The Creature of the night" to this. I also modified the story to meet word limit requirements. This story is 596 words long.

Please enjoy, and I encourage you to leave feedback!

The Intruders

It all started quite normally that night, I had a shower.. Brushed my teeth and decided it was time to say goodnight to the world for a few hours. Just before I went to my bedroom I decided to go out for a cigarette, as per the usual nightly ritual.

While I was having my cigarette, I glanced up at the stars, as I usually do, hoping to get a quick glimpse of a shooting star or something out of the ordinary. As I was just about to stub my cigarette out I could have sworn I saw a tall dark figure in the corner of my eye but didn’t make much of it. It was exceptionally quiet this night, even the bats weren’t making any noise. I heard the sound of ruffling bushes towards my back yard. I ran inside to turn on the back light and observe the yard from the comfort of my deck, but unfortunately saw nothing.

I locked all the doors, shut all the windows and climbed into bed, and glanced at my clock showing the time was 10:23pm, after a moments I fell asleep.

After a few hours of sleep I woke up feeling a strange sensation in my back.. I was being pulled up my bed, without force or pressure of any kind. It was like I was sliding but on a perfectly horizontal plane. I could barely open my eyes but saw a tall figure above my bed, it appeared to not be wearing clothes due to its slim appearance and had an oddly shaped oval-like head. I was powerless to defend myself from this.. thing. After this, powerless and confused, I briefly went back to sleep, several minutes later I awoke in shock, I had my strength back and was extremely alarmed at what had happened just few minutes ago.

I grabbed a crowbar, which I have next to my bed for personal protection. I went up to the window to hopefully catch some sight of this intruder, I saw a face in the window, the only words I could use to describe it were evil and unearthly, In fear I leapt back and lost eye-sight. I then got the courage to look outside the window again, there was no wind, no noise, and everything was as if it were on pause. I went outside to investigate further, I walked around to the side of the house my bedroom window was on and noticed a tall, dark figure run at incredible speeds in a disturbingly unhuman manner, I tried my very best to pursue this creature but it was fast, too fast. After conducting a brief search of my house I saw no sight of this intruder.

Like a wave, I heard the thunderous sounds of human machinery. I turned my head to face the horizon, there were ten fighter jets, flying low, fast and in formation towards a luminous horizon. I assumed this creature was probably long gone by now, I decided to go into my house to investigate what was going on, I first turned on the radio and heard nothing but static I decided I would then make an attempt at trying to find some sort of signal on my television, but it too was nothing but the standby screen, the internet was down and also the phone line was dead, I ran to my front door only to see that the luminous light on the horizon had grown significantly.

I heard more fighters overhead on the way to the unearthly horizon. What has begun…?


[edit on 19/11/09 by WishForWings]

Hey. Interesting story, is this real? If it is that would be a frightening experience.

Thanks for your nice comment.

It is real, well parts of it.

This is the real "experience" in what happened to me.

I fell asleep
I woke up being pulled up my bed without any force or pressure
I didn't see a figure however I did look out the window after waking up a few minutes later and saw a face.. I can't remember what the face looked like at all.
I don't remember much after that, just falling asleep again and seeing a bright flash and realizing it was day time.

My memory is way too patchy to go into any more details, and makes me sound slightly crazy. I'm highly skeptical about all that paranormal stuff so as you can imagine it was weird experience indeed.

Interesting piece, i honestly believe that a large percentage of the worlds population have been visited at some time or another but either have no memory of it, a small memory written off as a dream, remember a large part of it but are still not sure what happened and are afraid to say anything because of peer pressure, and finally those that remember it all and say something for example the large list of cases regarding abductee's.

Personally i know that i have had something happen....nothing invasive for the weird out there, almost like i was being watched for some reason.

I have had many other "paranormal" experiences which i am sure at some point will be explained on here somewhere, my guess is some people are more in tune with these weird and unusual events and therefore have a greater recollection.

Bearing in mind i am British and we have the whole stiff upper lip syndrome that pretty much is dictated to us through history that we just get on with it regardless and yet in reality we should be open minded and question these things taking into account all possabilities to come to some sort of considered judgement one way or another.

Good piece though, nice post, thanks

Cheers for the nice words.

I want to try hypnosis or something like that to see if I can recover any lost memory of the incident, and possibly to determine if it was a dream or actually real.

I'm almost certain that it was real though, although the memories are faded I can remember it being so vivid. I felt the bed sheets on my back folding as I was pulled up.



Oh no I just realized that my story is like 360 words long and the minimum is 500.. That sucks!

Originally posted by WishForWings
Oh no I just realized that my story is like 360 words long and the minimum is 500.. That sucks!

Easy enough to 'flest it out' a bit.

Send me a paragraph or two via U2U and I'll be happy to edit it into the story, either at the beginning, middle or near the end.

Thanks Masqua, I'll do that later on tonight.
This isn't going to be easy, I feel writers block coming on already but I'm sure another 150 words won't be too hard to squeeze out. .

reply to post by WishForWings


You have lots of time for inspiration to come to you as this contest runs until January 7.

Updated the story to make it a bit longer, kinda changed the whole feel but it feels nice and fresh now.

Many thanks to those who have taken the time to read this.

I really enjoyed your writing style, and the narrative throughout. S&F for a great story!

reply to post by Juston


Why thank you, It's my first and wrote it at some ridiculous time.. Overtired and exhausted..

It's funny though because every time I think of an idea for a story.. that's always the case.

Thanks heaps for your input!

Very entertaining and chilling story! We, the helpless reader, don't know if the house scene is related to the scramble/glow on the horizon, but suspect it to be so. Who else has this happened to? What does it mean? The fear and uncertainty is palpable, and it tastes like iron in the mouth. Well done!

reply to post by WishForWings


Nice story bud.

I enjoyed it from start to finish, to be honest , I would have liked the

story to be a little longer, from the jets chase onward ,

Perhaps a part 2 ?

Sean48 - Thanks heaps for the kind comments, perhaps a part 2 in the future... If anyone is still (or was in the first place) interested. I'll probably end up doing it though, I have a broken hand at the moment so any form of writing becomes a pain in the...

Argentus - Thanks mate, you suspected correctly.. I like trying to make people think a little more into it. Given my writing style even saying "hello" requires a little extra thought to understand my gibberish, none the less most people succeed.

reply to post by WishForWings


Being pulled out of your bed was the real part!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Scary stuff! Though I 'm sure one of our aussie soldiers can handle themselves

Great read.
Cheers.

i find your story interesting, i have similar experiences and ect, which i will post on other sections but interesting read.