reply to post by berenike
Certainly I'm in favor of leaving folks with free-will and authority over their stuff.
From the sounds of things, we are talking here, about a woman who really is on a slippery slide to oblivion.
It would be important to enlist her reason--as much as is accessible; her free will; her kid's support and use all the leverage in the relationship
with her close friends that might be available.
AND ALL THAT MAY NOT BE ENOUGH.
Yes, I've been a pretty intense therapist in my day. I play for keeps and was usually credited with effecting change in much shorter times than
And, I've mostly thrown out ideas for her close friend to consider and as brain-storming to trigger ideas of her own.
It is mostly 'triage time' in that she seems to have enough reason left that maybe she really can be enlisted in rescuing herself.
I would not encourage her close friend to take such outrageous risks and actions as to serioiusly risk the relationship.
However, I would be willing to crowd the limits to rescue my beloved friend from the dreadful end this lady is headed for if she is not turned
CERTAINLY TRYING THE CHARITY ROUTE IS A GREAT IDEA.
I suspect much of her stuff is articles, magazines, papers etc. that only the recycling business would have the least interest for. The clothing might
be justifiably lobbied for on behalf of charity.
And, OF COURSE, enlisting a local counselor would be a high priority. I'm just skeptical that the lady will tolerate that.
THE CONTROL issues would certainly be racheted up by heavy-handedness. It just sounds like there may not be a lot of options. Certainly persuasion is
preferable. It just usually doesn't get very far when a person is so deeply into this sort of problem.
Sometimes the control issues can be mollified somewhat by offering a 'choice' . . . Which do you want to give away . . . THIS or THIS?' 'Which
pile is most important to you--THIS ONE, or THIS ONE?'
Was just thinking femmefreud . . . it might be a touching and very relational thing . . . to take a morning or a day . . . and insist--i.e. gently not
take "no" for an answer, that the woman TEACH YOU HER CRITERIA FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT with the papers or other major piles.
She would likely fuss that it's impossible. Insist that you are not that stupid and that it is possible. That you are willing to learn and she is a
good enough teacher. And, that you are willing to let her review your efforts at sorting according to her criteria.
I'm skeptical that she would cooperate but it would be worth persistently pressing her on. At some level, it would also signal that her
rationalization [no time to sort] is not always going to be secure and the brick wall she intends it to be.
Another comment on the 'heavy handed' methods . . . NOTHING will be more heavy handed than the authorities having no choice but to condemn her house
and move her out of it.
[edit on 15/11/2009 by BO XIAN]