Schizophrenia has distroyed my life

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in my late teens. I wasn't able to finish school and had to be hospitalized several times for my illness. After getting out of the hospital for a second time I decided to go to work.

I spent 8 years in the workforce and out of that 8 years 4 of them were spent unemployed. I had 5 different jobs. I was fired from 2 laid off from 1 and quit 2. I lost every single job because of my illness.

My illness has been a great hardship for me and my family. While unemployed I had no insurance and was forced to pay cash for my medications which cost $400 and month. Alot of time my grandmother had to pay for them. Without the medicaions I can become violent because of hallucinations and delusions. So it was important that I take them.

6 months after quiting my last job I didn't know what else to do so I filed for Social Security Disability. My doctor that I had been seeing for 9 years said he agreed with the decision.

I filed for disability 4 years ago. I went in front of a judge and she drilled me for an hour and a half with questions. She denied me disability and disreguarded my doctors statements saying "he was just being sympathetic to my cause". My doctor is a MD and his offices are through an outpateint resourse at a local hospital.

I have school records showing the school had me labled as emotionaly disturbed as far back as 3rd grade. I have work records showing my behavior at work was inapropriate. I had two hospitalizations that were well documented. Each hospitalization was over a month. They listed my prognosses as poor.

My lawyer said he is dropping my case becuase my doctor didn't record any of my symtoms. My doctor is not a counselor. I didn't not talk to my doctor about my symtoms. I see him for 5 minutes every other month just to get my persciption. I did not tell him of symtoms because all he could do is increase my meds. Most doctor belive schizophrenia is purely biological and behavior threarapy is useless. I could not have my meds increased while trying to work. Schizophrenia medications are highly sedating. They also impaired my ability to function. They are so sedating that when I was in the hospital I slept 23 hours a day.

I live with my grandmother and she has breast cancer. My biggest fear is becoming homeless and not being able to get my meds. I wish I could go to school but I wouldn't be able to function in classroom setting. Same with work.

I can not interact with others. I have one friend that stops by once a week other then that I don't interact with people. Even on the holidays when my family gets together I stay home. I lead a miserable exsistance.

Schizophrenia has distroyed my life. I am bitter over my situations but I don't blame anyone. It's just the cards I've been delt and have to deal with it. I envy those able to lead a normal life.

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reply to post by wantsome

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My heart goes out to you. Schizophrenia is a terrible mental illness especially if it is not controlled. I can't even imagine what it's like to live with it. I do know there are many who live very fulfilling lives once it is managed well. Maybe you haven't tried the right meds or talked to the right specialists.

Just try not to end up homeless, as many who have known you may love it, cruel world and all.

Sad to hear stories like yours, you just need to know that your not alone,a nd you need to find things to do to fill your time as best you can. Hobbies, and computers, training, all things you can do on computers. Just try to make sure you do not end up homless, as like i said its a cruel world, and people love seeing people down.

ur blaiming the state of being crazy for ruining ur life?
that doesnt make any sense.

I, apologise for my flippant joke.

it was kinda funny?

Youre situations not

EDIT: Because people that type "Second Line" deserve to be shot.

[edit on 26-10-2009 by Agent-ATS]

reply to post by platipus

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There is plenty of stuff going on, just because someone is ill, does not mean bad people do not want to make his situation worse.

The op does not need condescending replies, i would assume, or games.

I feel for you, I truly do.
I dont know if youve ever had complete battery of tests done on blood levels of "everything", but you may want to look into it.
I'll just say 3 relatives in my lifetime have battled this, and 2 out of the 3 traced it back to very rare abnormal hormone levels , and the thyroid was the culprit. Something about levels and the pineal gland and the hypocampus,
since treatment on the thyroid, and in one case removal, along with medicine things are fair to good.
The auditory and visual hallucinations are gone, the thought process is productive and balanced, and the personal hell for them has been removed.
I wish you the best, truly I do.
I'd say be positive, you seem very strong.

Hey bro - DON'T GIVE UP!

It can ALLWAYS get BETTER! I think your first priority is to FIGHT the crazyness. You know you have a condition, and you know what's real and whats not.. You have to keep fighting!

Don't focus on all the things that can go wrong, focus on the things that can go RIGHT in your life.

The best advice I can give you is; STOP spending time here at ATS and similar sites. STOP watching TV shows about paranormal stuff. IT WILL FEED YOUR ALLREADY OUT OF CONTROLL IMAGINATION!

Exercise, be active, be in nature, learn a skill, try to meet "sain" people, be yourself, be honest, and above all: NEVER GIVE UP!

[edit on 26-10-2009 by Jauqx]

that must be tough.. and one day you wont have it,, did u ever try meditation? msg me for info on how if interested.. worth a shot but must be sincere

Best advice is to exercise and feel better about yourself, and do a computer course or something to focus on. Like said above stop watching tv, its garbage.

But like said there, never give in or give up, people love to see people fail in life, and people are cruel, and theres lots in the government like that. You have to get through this yourself. Only you can help you.

reply to post by wantsome

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Positives can arise out of any situation. It is however sad that society resorts to indifference when faced with unknowns.

I believe you are a visible step in this evolutionary journey we are all on.
www.sciencedaily.com...

You deserve only the greatest amounts of love and kindness.

reply to post by wantsome

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Hi, Wantsome,

First of all, I would like to say I am so sorry that you are going through this, and have gone through this for so long.

I can relate. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type I, with psychotic features, in 2001. I have been psychotic so many times I've lost count, but I was hospitalized due to my psychosis 3 times. So, I know how you feel.

Like you, the medications also made me miserable, and so did my illness. The ups and downs and psychotic episodes were making my life hell. Even though I was (and still am) a pharmacist, I realized that I needed something else besides pharmaceutical medications to get me better, even though it went against everything I had learned about in pharmacy school.

What finally got me better was hypnosis (helped with stress) plus homeopathy (final cure). I went to 4 different homeopaths before I finally found one who found the right remedy for me (I can't tell you what it is on this forum, but I'd be happy to tell you what it is if you e-mail me a U2U). I went to homeopathy school for a year and read quite a few cases of people such as you and me (with bipolar and schizophrenia) who have had complete cures with homeopathy.

I highly recommend seeing a homeopath. They can be quite expensive, but well worth it if you have the money. If you can't afford one, there are some homeopathy schools around the country (there are 2 in San Francisco that I know of) that offer low-cost clinics for people who can't afford the full price.

I wish you all the best. I no longer need medications now that I've been doing homeopathy. It's not an over-night cure....it can take months....but once you find the remedy, it's like you get your old brain back. I can say that from experience, too!

Someday I want to figure out how I can start an integrative medical clinic using homeopathic and pharmaceutical medications for people like us....I just have to find a place that will let me integrate pharmacy with homeopathy.

Feel free to U2U me if you have any questions.

I know you're miserable....but holistic medicine did make a world of difference for me. Check around...you might also find a homeopath or a naturopathic physician (who does homeopathy) who might take your case pro bono, too.

Bless your heart! My heart goes out to you. Sending thoughts, prayers, and positive energy your way. I really don't know what to say. Given the seriousness of your condition, any advice from anyone who is not a doctor specifically trained to treat your illness is potentially dangerous for you and those around you. I've heard that there are homeopathic routes that have helped some people with schizophrenia. Ask your doctor if that might be an option for you. It doesn't hurt to ask, and it's worth it especially if you can get it cheaper. I would suggest meditation, but I have read that meditation can make schizophrenic symptoms worse, so I'm afraid to suggest it. Please talk to your doctor and ask about any alternatives, and most importantly, don't give up on yourself. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Good luck and please keep us updated on your progress.

reply to post by nikiano

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I just backed up and read your post after I posted mine and noticed that we both mentioned homeopathy at the same time. Great minds!

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To the original poster:

Don’t give up hope. Finding the right doctors, and the right meds with the optimum dosages can make a huge difference. It is also important to do as much as you can to help yourself. While the illness itself may be completely biological, living with it will certainly have psychological effects. Counseling can help with that. Perhaps try some of the tons of self-help material available on the Internet-- that could help with problem areas like relating to others.

Actually through your writing and your post you make a good first impression. Sometimes it’s easier to communicate in writing, where you have a chance to look over your words and reconsider or rewrite. Not like speaking in person where you can be at a loss for words, or say something rash that comes out sounding wrong.

Perhaps you will make some friends here on ATS. There have been a number of other posts on schizophrenia, so you are not alone.

And don’t be afraid to post about your other thoughts and interests. There are a great many people here, of all ages, interests and abilities. Most of them are pretty nice. When you don’t get out much, the Internet can be a wonderful doorway to the world. You can meet people and discuss things in a way you just can’t do in person. Plus you can talk when you feel like it and be left alone when you’re not in the mood!

Best of luck. I hope to see lots more from you.


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Yes, homeopathy truly saved my life!!

Great minds....ah.

[edit on 26-10-2009 by nikiano]

reply to post by wantsome

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Schizophrenia may not be a disease after all.

I remember my mom, screaming and hollering while we tried to take her shopping. Her eyes would get blood red, it was pretty wild. If there was a security guard or cop anywhere, I'm positive they would have tasered or shot her. It was that wild.

She didn't leave home much. I thought that she was crazy. I even called her crazy. My sisters said she was a paranoid schizophrenic.

I found out otherwise the hard way. I found out that those so called "Demons" that were after her were not demons, but an actual group of people that just have better technology than we do. It's like the "Gangstalking" stuff, except the "Gangstalking" community folks think that it's current technology.

The folks that make people go crazy and magically become pschizophrenic have some kind of technology where they can put some kind of "psychic" in your head. After that, they can do anything from make you hear stuff, to make you see stuff... they can make you feel pain in random parts of your body, or even give you intense "itchy" sensations in random parts of your body. They can even see where you're going to be, before you even get there!

They mix it up with different folks, so some folks say that their "pschizophrenic", some folks say it's "Gangstalking", and others say it's them aliens. The rest just call them crazy, even though there's something going on right under their nose!

In actuality, there is no disease where anyone becomes "paranoid", it's just that the truth is really that crazy. Considering that there's folks that are capable of stuff like that, and that it's not on the news, we are royally screwed!

I hope that helps you in your pursuit of the truth.

Sorry to read of your woes wantsome.

A few thoughts that I hope will help:
Ask yourself this, or even your doctor/psychiatrist ~ What is the difference between a psychic/telepath and a schizophrenic?
The answer is none in a metaphysical sense of understanding.

Be kind to yourself:
Think benevolent and it will ultimately connect as benevolent.
If you connect malevolent then think benevolent there too ~ it will be another troubled person in time past present:present future: They are not in your here & now and are thus not a physical threat to you. Nor should you pose as a physical threat to them.
Telepathy between two people both in the here & now requires that they align all there chakras with each other, and that requires a degree of physical intimacy too, and considerable benevolence of mind ~ at least that's the theory.

Also give priority to people who attempt to converse with you orally.
Tell anybody you perceive to be in your head to come back later when you will have time to think about it.
Furthermore do not speak out any such thoughts aloud, nor mouth the words silently.
If you speak your words/answers out loud as if somebody was there in your physical presence, there is no two way psychic/telepathy connection, which can be confusing.
Conversely, reading something out aloud from a favourite book say, can shut out any disturbing unwanted thoughts.
Anyway I wish you luck and benevolence of mind.


[edit on 27-10-2009 by Epipactis]

[edit on 27-10-2009 by Epipactis]

The US medical/insurance system is hard to work. There is a method to follow in building a case and that's not what medicine should be about.
Go through the motions and you will get help even if it takes a long time.