Mopuses Mopey Mopes

nothing to see here...move along now

[edit on 10/24/2009 by tribewilder]

Originally posted by whitewave
As long as we're ranting about the evil DARPA gnomes....

Telephone voice menus. Let me just say that whoever came up with voice menus should be publicly caned, horsewhipped, tarred and feathered then drawn and quartered.

I call some company. I just need to relay 10 seconds worth of information. I get a public service announcement that is recorded by someone who's had Wayyyyy too much Prozac and is talking to me like I'm 6 months old. You know that lilting, high-pitched, girly voice that makes you think of lollipops and skittle-pooping unicorns?

I know who I called, thank you. I don't need to hear who it is, what they do for a living, what their hours of operation are, their location, their mission statement, etc. ad nauseum. I wait patiently for it to be over. Then come the menu options.

If you have been on hold so long you've forgotten who you called...press 1.
If you have been on hold so long that you're ready to kill yourself...press 2.
If you've been on hold so long that you're now in your car driving to our location with an Uzi...press 911.

By the time I'm finished pushing buttons, I could have driven to the state in which they're headquartered, stood in line and stated my case in person.

And have you ever noticed that no matter what you want, it's never the first 5 people you talk to that are able to resolve the issue? You get to tell your story 5 different times and by the time you DO get to the correct bureaucrat, they're now at lunch, in a meeting, out sick, on vacation, or checked out for the day.
Please call back tomorrow and have a nice day.

If they don't want to talk to you why don't they just have a recording saying, "we don't want to talk to you but if you insist on making us do our job then please feel free to navigate your way through the maze of voice menu options because "your call is important to us".

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reply to post by whitewave


I agree

#5 Robot answering services

They should Die the people who use these...designed specifically to keep me on hold and NEVER reach an operator...

I have X amount of time to LIVE and I do Not need it wasted on crap like this

AMEN SISTER!

The worst... Voice activated ones like on PAYPAL

They can never ever never ever never never never ever, understand what i am saying.

Ever been on the street trying to get through to a voice activated Financial institution? Screaming at the top of your lungs for a robot that can't hear you...I have, I'm surprised no one carted me away either

BECAUSE I WANT TO SCREAM MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER ACROSS A GOD DAMNED RED LOBSTER WHEN THEY EXPERIENCE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES AND I HAVE MONEY IN THE BANK TO A PRICK OF A ROBOT

Yeah this should have been no 1

reply to post by tribewilder


#6 Cops who say "Nothing to see here"

OBVIOUSLY there is something to see if the cop is standing there ushering you away.

"please clear the area for your safety" and a Million other sensible things to say.

But no... a bold faced LIE that usually encourages more lookie loos than it pushes away

Makes me want to hang "No Doughnuts Here" signs all over Crispy Creams wherever I see one.

Yes, voice menu options were the 1st generation of evil DARPA gnomes. The new and improved upgraded version has become much more evil: the outsourced to India answering call room.

You convince yourself that $2.25 is not too much to pay for a living human being to act as a telephone directory and look up a number for you. Obviously none of us carries that 40 pound telephone book around with us so occasionally we all need a phone number looked up.

After dealing with the 1st generation model by screaming with perfect enunciation "the city and state you wish to call", NO-WA-TA-OAK-LA-HOME-A! and repeatedly hearing the Prozac princess say, "I'm sorry, did you say Bogata, California?" (IS there a Bogata, California?) you finally get transferred to a human being.

The human being lives in Pakistan, speaks English at least as well as my cat, and thinks Oklahoma is an American side dish served with chicken nuggets.

The gnome "helping" you is packed in a room the size of my shed with 500 other gnomes all speaking with a maddeningly aloof politeness saying, "dank uu, koom ah gain".

Why do they call themselves "Information"? They never know anything.