I'd say what you're feeling is normal. What is commendable is that even while succumbing to the same human emotions we all have, you still wonder if it's 'right'. Star for that, and a flag because this will be facing many more people as time continues.

I have actually seen a similar situation in my own life. My boss (technically crew leader; she can't fire me, but she could complain to the real boss) is one of those people who loves to give their employees a hard time. Many days I have come home exhausted and frustrated, because despite my attempts to work as hard as possible, my production was low because she gave me the hardest and slowest parts of the job to do. She of course took the fastest and easiest.

She and her husband both work for this company, giving them two incomes. I have but one income, as my wife has some health problems that prevent her from holding down a job. She makes crew leader wages; both have a base pay higher than me. She sets the schedule and they each get more hours per week than I do. They have four young children (oldest is 12, I think), while I have two, ages 15 (in tech school) and 18 (in college). I can only wish I had the income they do.

Every day, after work, they have me to stop so they can eat out. $20 is not an uncommon tab for the two of them at a fast food joint. I rarely eat until I get home, and when I do, it's either a tin of sardines during a break, or maybe a $1 burger to tide me over.

Last week, I got a phone call from him. He was out of gas. Completely. He was out of money. Completely. He couldn't afford to come to work. So what did I do? I put gas in his car.

The whole time I was thinking back to the times when she would threaten my hours in one way or another, and the lavish eating out while I waited, and the other extravagances they indulged in. They didn't really deserve my help, IMO. They make more than I do, and threaten the pittance I make? They make my performance suffer so theirs stays high? They eat hearty while I wait? And now they need me?

And yet, I gassed up their car.

I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it's that I know they can't survive the way I do. Perhaps I know they aren't as strong. Maybe I'm just soft-hearted. Or maybe I understand somehow, subconsciously, that it's not my place to judge them; the economy will do that.

I still feel sorry for them. After all, this job is all they really know. For me, it's just a job to keep me out of a truck while I take care of some things at home. For them, financial collapse is inevitable; for me, survival is inevitable.

Nah, don't feel pleasure. Feel sympathy. You are stronger than they are. Weakness is nothing to be happy about.

TheRedneck