15# Long Handled (fiberglass) Sledge Hammer
D-Handled (fiberglass) Shovel
5-Gallon Buckets (Steel or Plastic)
Walk into the basement, pick a south facing wall, move all the junk from in front of wall, arrange said junk out of the way, sit down, drink a cup of
Joe, stare intently at said wall, determine angles, contours lines, joints meeting joints. Go upstairs, do what comes natural. Think about Day
Return to basement, grab 15# sledge hammer, take final look at wall, reassure yourself that it will be okay, raise hammer above right shoulder, whack
said wall with utter vengeance and superior energy.
Step back, contemplate you’re an idiot, smile, shake head, and whack freaking wall again. Continue whacking until bricks/concrete breaks, pieces of
former wall mess up floor, and breathing becomes hard due to dust, consider using a respirator, tell self “screw it” and whack the wall some
Explain to wife that whacking walls won’t destroy house, hand her wallet, suggest extended shopping trip, or mini-weekend at in-laws with kids.
Return to basement, finish whacking wall until opening big enough to crawl through, hope like hell rains don’t come early, or massive earthquakes
shakes area, whack the wall again.
Call wife, insure still married, no child support obligation on the horizon yet, smile, kiss-kiss-bye-bye, hang-up telephone, stumble to basement
happy, fill buckets with pieces of former said wall, haul into garage, dump into trashcans, return to basement, repeat process until freaking worn
out, look at wall, smile some more, and call it a day.
Reassure wife that you’re not insane, explain to kids it really IS a playroom, return to basement, stare at wall, remember that you always finish
what you start, grab shovel, start digging hole, while digging hole and filling buckets, envision an entire underground population survival center
complete with amusement park and tidal pools, realize that your slathering, contemplate that you might actual BE insane, continue digging hole and
filling buckets into the wee hours of the morning, drop exhausted into bed, wishing you’d got some before she went to sleep, sigh, close yes, nite
Look at large hole in wall, realize that dirt cave-room might collapse, remember sprinkler system is right above drop everything, hammer like hell to
lumber yard, use credit card, return home relieved, start unloading 12”x12”x10’ pressure treated timber, haul each piece into basement, stop,
catch breath, consider that you ARE insane, but remember that you ALWAYS finish the job, spend next few hours huffing and puffing up ever-growing
basement steps until done, call it a day, shot, shower, shave, and crawl into bed beside wife, actually get some, sigh, nite, nite
Shore up dirt cave in basement, consider this could be the gate into hell, smile, shake head, tell yourself that you stupid, and start digging again,
keep digging until 10 foot by 10 foot by 8 foot dirt cave with 12x12 lumber walls and roof magically appears in former said basement wall, smile, go
upstairs, shot, shower, shave, crawl in bed with wife, knock her socks off and rip down the headboard. Smile, sigh, nite, nite
Day #8 through Day Number ??
Return to basement, smile when kids drool and wife in awe, remember headboard incident, smile some more, hand her wallet, send her shopping for new
headboard. Contemplate future earth inhabitants discovering your hidey-hole as a national treasure, shake head, know your Nucking Futs, contemplate
how to hide HUGE FREAKING hole in basement wall looking like the gates to Hades itself, vow to fix, design clever looking wooden wall length shelf,
built clever looking wood shelves, attach multiple hinges, install nifty hidden latch lock, stand back admiring own ingenuity, move washer and dryer
in front of former said wall field expedient safe room, call it a day, shot, shower, shave, crawl in bed beside wife, take her breath AND knock her
socks off, sigh, nite, nite, contemplate supplies and gear now required, can’t go to sleep, roll over horny, stare at wife, tell self screw it, and
get on internet until wee hours of morning …
Just my thoughts…