The New International Police Department Wants to Hire You

Welcome, we are looking for loyal and anti-community driven people to help fulfill our agenda globally.

Objectives:

You have to hate truth and justice. Scumbags in history like Jesus Christ deserved to be tortured and publicly murdered. Terrorists like Ghandi, Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King deserved to be arrested, imprisoned, tortured and smeared because they were offensive people, wanting truth.

People wanting the right to speak openly in public as leaders are no different than people wanting to peacefully protest, they are losers who need a good beating for trying to better the community. These jerks in civilian clothing and civilian jobs think they have a right to peaceful demonstration. Kick their coward asses!

We will need to know what types of people offend you most. Please be as specific as possible as to racial hatred, gender bias and other definitive points to help us find a community loaded with people you detest so you can operate amongst them and carry out your hatred as a publicly funded authority, “tee-hee”.

If you have any prior deviant fantasies that you might try to fulfill while employed, please let us know the details in advance so we can prepare defence campaigns in advance of your actions. We don’t want the public to become aware of your social interactions while on the job.

If you see a fellow member of your division trying to set-up or campaign against another person in the community, or even begin to assault another person, it is imperative you assist your fellow officer to ensure the scumbag civilian has no chance of a lawsuit. Failure to comply will result in 2 days off paid vacation.

We will provide you with protective gear, weapons that can kill, and a few buddies to ride around with during your work schedule. Please do not waste our valued time and investment, use these weapons and remember, the better the story, the better the chances of a conviction in court with your friends.

Prosecutors and judges are considered family. They will protect you as long as you do not offend them directly, as they are paid to represent you and to respect you as officers of their court. Please bow when you enter the court to show your loyalty to bending over for your superiors. Thank you.

Qualifications:

Former detention or suspensions in elementary school for bullying other kids, proof of drug dealing as a teenager or evidence of anger management classes will receive special preference.

Post secondary in drama school for acting will be considered as we need more well trained liars.

The ability to recite any episode of the The Simpsons or Family Guy cartoons.

Job Description:

Harass drivers on the road. Harass people on the streets. Pretend to be tough. Suppress evidence against the department. Create evidence against citizens for the department. Pretend to be tough. Keep the media entertained with propaganda. Intimidate black people, Indians and Caucasians whose identity could be mistaken as Indian or Mexican. Pretend to be intelligent while in court. Pretend to be tough out of court.


Questions: Please circle

1) Favourite Weapon: Gun, Taser, Club, Pepper Spray, Fist, Penis, All the Above

2) Favourite TV Show: CSI, Top Cops, Dawg the Bounty Hunter, Bugs Bunny, All the Above

3) Favourite Movie: Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Pee Wees Big Adventure, All the Above

4) Favourite Hobby: X-box Combat Games, Water Pistolling Neighbours, Beating people up, Making love to a transsexual after handcuffing her/him, All the above

5) Favourite Role Person: Napoleon, Hitler, George Bush, Charles Manson, Daffy Duck, All the Above

6) Favourite Activity: Spying on people, yelling at people, making people cry, laughing at people, assaulting people, All the Above. (Hint, please circle all the above, very important).

7) Additional Schooling: Kickboxing, Pornography, Ballet, school of patented “Achy Breaky Heart” dance, All the Above (Hint, avoid the “ballet” choice for improved chances of employment)

8) Your Strengths: Fist, kneecap, foot, elbow, head bunt, forearm, firearm, spy gear is fun, prolonged masturbation techniques, all the above (hint, I wrote this while masturbating).

9) Your Weaknesses: Pornography addictions, spelling, reading, writing, arithmetic, verbal communication, all the above (hint, skip this question if you can’t understand the text)

10) Favourite Food: Donut, hashish brownie, coc aine, strawberry shortcake, strawberry shortcake baked with rye and rum, spinach (everyone in our department wants to be Popeye).

If you answered “all the above” to all the above questions, congratulations, you could become a staff sergeant or chief of police division some day. After many years of incompetent training and brainwashing, you will have the opportunity to further serve your community, which is us, your employer, just so you know.

Now, if you succeeded in the questions, and you agree with the “objectives” of our department, please go to your nearest police station is strictest confidence. Contact a staff supervisor who can guide you through the application and academy process. Please remember to attach references of other people you have previously abused or violated so we can confirm your work history.

And always remember, “You are there to serve and protect your community”. Tee-hee! It’s just a little joke we share in the department.