I have to start somewhere

I have been a long time lurker, short time poster on ATS. I have been looking for something, anything, that seems to match or parallell the lifetime of experiences I have had, and I can't find anything similar. Until today, that is.

The story that I saw was profoundly true to me, and it has provoked me to come out of my shell and post. I know that I am opening myself up to all sorts of things by taking this step, but I have carried things with me all my life, and only shared them with those closest to me.

I once tried to reach out to some other people, a long time ago, and I regretted it. This will be my last try, though something feels terribly sad in saying that.

My experiences did not change my life. They actually made me who I am, because they started when I was very young, around 8 or 9. I am now 46. I am married, my second husband, I have two grown children, grandchildren, and a full time job. I am a responsible adult, and I have been through many, many trials in life.

I have no proof, no pictures, though I could maybe draw some if I feel comfortable in that. All I have to offer are my experiences, and you can take that for what it is worth. I will be 100% honest, though I admit it frightens me to open myself up in that respect, but I am obviously taking that step as I post this very message.

I admit I am scared, for a host of reasons. I know the things I am about to post are real, and I always felt that I was not supposed to talk about it. I am scared for the people that have been in my house, looking for things. I don't ever wish them to come back. I am scared of the dark, I work at night, and have for a long time. I can only sleep peacefully in the day, though if I do sleep at night, I have to have something on, lights, television, something.

I will do my best to answer any questions, and I hope that questions can help me remember some things. Talking with my husband many years ago helped me so much, just to have somone to tell about it.

The first experiences I remember were what I thought were dreams. I would wake from sleep in the middle of the night and go outside on the back deck. I would have conversations with someone, go places, and I would return and go back to my room and sleep. The next day, I would wake and vaguely remember things. The one impression that has lasted with me all my life and to this day is feeling like I had the weight of the world on me. I sometimes laugh at the thought, but it is oh so serious a feeling I had, being physically weighted down with things I didn't understand.

One very vivid memory I have, I don't recall my age, but I think around 9 or 10 years old. I was someplace, in a room, it was round. All around me were windows about the ceiling with more rooms, much like an operating arena where students can observe. I was sitting on a table, my legs dangling down, and a - man.. I say man, he wasn't, but I refer to him as a he, I called him in my mind, "Doctor" - was standing to my right.

The lights about me were bright. He was speaking to me, but I didn't hear him, I felt him. He had something in his hand, and he placed it in mine, a small box of some type. He was telling me something very important, but I have never been able to remember what. All I can remember really, was being told I will remember when I needed to. I remember there being some vague machinery behind him, some type of column. There were others, above, watching, walking back and forth, milling around, but I never saw them in any detail. I was very focused on him, the Doctor. He seemed very important, it was just an overwhelming feeling I had in this place.

I only remember him wearing white, even like a doctors coat. When Ray Santilli's film "Alien Autopsy" came out, the first time I saw those still photo's, my heart stood still, as this was almost exactly how he looked. I won't ever forget him.

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I have very strong and inexplicable feelings of fondness, deep feelings, for him. This has never changed.

Around when I was 15, I left home with my parents' blessing. I was almost 16, and I could not tolerate living in the household I was in, so I left. I lived in the streets. I met a young man, he was 19 at the time, and he let me come to live with him. We were together for almost a year, and it was one of the most horrible times in my life.

However, during this time, were also two of the most powerful experiences in my life. The third one I will post about later.

The first one happened when we lived in a cottage. The cottage was on the land of his parents who's home was also on the property. It was a huge plot of land with orange groves, and was in Land O Lakes Florida. The lake was called Lake Thomas.

One night, we had decided to go fishing. We thought we may catch some catfish and perhaps some brim to cook up the next day. It was about 10:30 pm. We were sitting on the dock over the water when I noticed it was very still and calm. This man was sitting with me, to my right, right next to me. I got an odd feeling, as though someone was watching me. He must have felt the same thing, because as I turned my head slightly to the right and then looked up into the sky behind us, I could see him in my peripheral vision doing the exact same thing.

There was no sound, just a huge..inexplicably close.. object hovering above and behind us. At almost the exact moment we laid eyes upon it, it shot off out in front of us, out over the lake and beyond - in mere instants. The glimpses I got, I will also remember the rest of my life. I remember windows, no sound, no wind, no crickets, no.. nothing.. but windows, and the very distinct feeling someone was watching us.

I remember lights around it, at first, I thought the lights flashed in a circle, but as it moved away, it took on almost a zig-zag appearance, and I am no longer certain if the lights flashed in a circle or if it was some type of flight pattern. It vanished off the horizon, which was a good way off. It went up as it went out and across, and I am a horrible judge of distance. Just suffice to say, this is a smallish lake, but the horizon stretches on.

After we watched it disappear, we sat in silence for a while, not speaking or even hardly moving. I didn't look at him, but I said, "I didn't see anything, did you?" To this day, I still don't understand that...

I felt suddenly tired and asked if he was ready to go in and he agreed. When we got to the cottage which was just a short walk up the path, I saw the alarm clock next to the bed. It was 2:30 am. I just slept. We never spoke of it again.

Moving ahead a few months, we were living in a hotel room in Tampa. It was late, an I was tired. I lay down on the bed and he was beside me, to my right. The television was on, and the light was on. I just remembered wishing I could die. My life was very bad at this time, I won't go into detail now, but I am being honest about how I felt.

I don't even remember closing my eyes, but the next thing I knew, I was outside the hotel on the sidewalk. I could feel air, almost like a breezy night, but I also felt very very odd. I was not visible to the people walking on the road but ddn't know it at that moment, and the world around me was extremely different.

It was dark, of course, because it was night, but all of the lights were intensely bright, and I was gliding really, not even walking, down the sidewalk. I was very aware of presences with me, presences I could not see, but I sensed. It was gloomy, even darker, and cold and lonely though I was not alone. I started walking down the sidewalk, away from the hotel, where to, I have no idea.

There were two young men on the sidewalk walking towards me, talking. This was when I first realized something was not normal.

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As they approached me, I expected them to split from each other to pass by me, as I was right in between them. instead, they walked.. through me? I turned as they went by, the young man on the left as they approached me and passed, I think he sensed something, because he paused in his conversation and sort of glanced at my direction, but he never stopped walking. Shortly after he started back in the conversation and kept going.

That was when I started looking around, and down. My feet were not on the ground. I looked up and out to the left, and saw nothing but blackness, the lights and traffic were intense, but somehow not where I was, as if I was looking into the world from someplace else.

I looked back at the hotel room door, and realized, I was still in there. I felt panic, and fear. The next thing I know, I was being slapped in the face, and I opened my eyes and was back in the hotel room. I could hear him, he was scared, yelling my name, and slapping me in the face. When I opened my eyes, I took a deep gasping breath. I was filled with sadness, as I realized at that moment, I didn't die. He told me I had stopped breathing, and it scared him. I just always thought of this as an out of body experience.

Looking back on that event, I think I got a taste of what there was for me in that point in my life, and it wasn't pleasant. I almost chose it, instead of life, so in some regards, I owe him, because I think to some degree his trying to rouse me may have had something to do with me going back. Not only that, but realizing I was physically back in that room was very upsetting to me. I wanted to stay where I was, but I didn't want to leave my physical body there.

Where I was, though, was not a happy place. I am glad that for whatever reason, whatever the cause, I was able to go back.

I eventually left him, and made some changes for the better in my life, and met my first husband. We were married, and decided to start our family very early. I was 18 when we married on Valentine's Day, and I got pregnant in October that year.

Moving ahead a bit brings me to a time I can only describe was a dream. I really hate calling it that because to me, it was so very real. I call it a dream with resentment, but only for lack of anything else to call it, perhaps even an unwillingness.

At this point in our life, we were living in his parents home, but a seperate attached apartment behind the main house in Georgia. The apartment was originally designed as a workshop and was two stories, but a seperate apartment was on the top. The front door faced his parents back door, and the house was joined by a bridge from a back door on the top.

I had two children at this point, they were about two and three years old. The rooms in the house were almost deisgned in a circle around a main wall. Our bedroom joined my sons room, which joined my daughters room, which joined the kitchen, which joined the living room, which came back to our bedroom.

As I tell about the next incident, all of the layout of this house is very important. I always left my sons' door cracked open a bit when I put him to bed. In his room was an exterior steel door and a large very thick 6 foot long glass window right by the interior door to our bedroom. I had hung very heavy lined curtains on that window, and the steel door was always locked, and never opened or used. Just on the other side of this interior door was a normal opening type window in our bedroom.

The main exterior door was just outside our bedroom door that led to the living room. It was a heavy solid wooden door, and the only window in the living room on that wall had a window air conditioning unit in it.

We had a night like any oher night, nothing unusual. I had put the kids to bed at their normal time, and some time later that night my husband and I went to bed. I would usually lay down and read a while before I slept.

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That night, I lay in the bed reading. I got that feeling again.. that something was.. watching? I don't know, it is hard to explain. I just got out of the bed quickly, (it was a full motion waterbed, too) and went to my son's room. My heart was pounding, and I was full of fear. I felt like something was trying to get him. I cannot explain where those feelings came from. It all happened what seemed very fast to me.

The next thing I knew, I had stepped to the window, as if I was drawn there, and I pulled the curtains back with my right hand. My nose was almost touching the glass. I looked down, out of instinct I guess? And right into the blackest eyes I have ever seen. I felt repulsion and pure evil, disgust, and terror. The purest fear I have ever felt in my life.

The being was almost pure white, even seemingly glowing white, with these pitch black eyes, large but not "gray alien like" at all. It was a he, I cannot explain how I know that, but he was looking right at me, too, as if he knew I would be pulling that curtain back. He had this ugly.. almost sneering smile on his face. That was what repulsed me so intensely. I felt hatred from him. And just.. evil.

He.. was about 4 feet tall, and his hair was sparese, and pure white. He seemed to have a bluish cast to the whiteness of his skin, but thinking back may have just been the color of how things look at night. I sensed he had on deep blue clothing, though. I say sensed, because almost as soon as my eyes met his, I gasped out loud and drew the curtain shut instantly. I turned my back to the steel door and took in several deep breaths, and I knew something was about to happen.

All I could think was to save my son's life, because I knew - I felt, they were coming for him. I walked back into our bedroom after I glanced at my soundly sleeping child. I remember pushing hard on the waterbed and screaming at my husband, "Wake up! Wake up!", yet, he did not.

Suddenly, the front door flew open, and demons... I can call them nothing else, filled my home. They were even smaller than the being that I had seen outside, but I could sense that they were with him, even obeying him. And they were coming to attack ME.

They came, teeth gnashing, claws bared, and I fought them. As one leapt at me, I caught it under the throuat in midair, and brought its back down onto my knee, snapping its back. I heard yowls of pain, snarling, growling, rushing, screaming.. was it mine? I broke bones, kicked them, snapped jaws open backwards, each one I stopped from coming any further into my bedroom. throwing it back out into the living room or towards the door.

Some lay there in pain, yowling, some were dead, some skittered back out the door. This went on for what felt like an eternity, though I have no realistic timing of this event. I can only explain that I felt like I was fighting not only for my life, but the life of my son.

Outside the still open door, I could see shadows, other beings moving about as if cleaning up the bodies. I took the remaining ones and threw them out the door, then slammed it and locked it. It was locked before! I don't know how I knew, but I knew I had won.. somehow, I knew they would not come back in.

I went back into our bedroom and leapt onto the waterbed, screaming my husbands name, violently shaking him and could not wake him still. I collapsed on the bed, trembling and weeping, crying gutteral cries, and finally he stirred and rolled over, and asked me what was wrong.

I told him what had happened, and he told me it was just a bad dream, to go back to sleep. So that was how I left it. A bad dream, as I cried myself to sleep. I slept deep and hard, I was exhausted.

I pushed the incident back, and convinced myself this was a horrible dream, though to this day, I still have no other explanation..

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So, moving ahead about two weeks from that wretched dream. It was anormal day, and things had returned to normal. My husband and I had spoken about the incident a few times, and he continued to reinforce this had all just been some bad dream. Having someone to say that really helped me in beliving it, too, for the most part.

I was in the kitchen, it was late morning, near lunch time or so, and my son was in the living room on the floor very near the front door playing with his toys. The television waws on in the living room, and I think my daughter was in her room at that moment.

There came a knock at the front door, and I still remember my little boy looking up at me as I walked to open the door. I opened the door, and there were men standing there. They had on suits and ties.. and said they were with the FBI. As they stated this, they pushed their way into my living room. They had flashlights, even though it was bright and sunny outside? There were four of them, and more outside. I could not see how many were outside.

I looked up and could see my in-laws in their kithen sitting at the kitchen bar, there were men with them too, and they were looking at me. I saw absolutely no expression on their faces.

The men, as they came into my home, stated they had a search warrant, though nothing was shown to me. I was so caught off guard, and I had nothing to hide, so I wasn't scared. I was more.. dumbfounded as to why they felt the need to search my home? So, I asked. They said they were looking for stoeln property.

Again, I was dumbfounded. one came into the living room. Three split off from him, one going to the kitchen behind me, and the other two in our bedroom and then my son's room. My daughter had come to stand by me to see what was going on. I cold hear them in the bedroom, opening the closets, opening the dresser drawers, they even looked in the kitchen cabinets. As this was going on, the man in the living room that stood by the door started asking me questions every time he saw me start to look around. I moved to the phone and lifted the receiver to call my husband. The man in the kitchen took the phone from my hand and hung it up, and said, "You are not allowed to make a phone call right now."

I just stood there feeling helpless as my son was sitting on the floor next to that man. His little mouth was hanging open as he just watched. My daughter, too, never uttered a word, just stood there, as did I. I said, "Why are you looking for stolen property in my house?" and he replied, "We are just checking, we are looking for something very valuable and thought it may be here." He asked me if I had seen any strange men coming to the house, and I said no. I was still dumbfounded. Again, I wasn't scared, just really confused.

Very shortly thereafter, they all filed out the door. The man said thank you as he left. I looked back across at my in laws, who were now alone on the kitchen, staring right back at me. The door shut, and I picked up my son and went into his room... to THAT window. I pulled the curtain back, and saw them leaving, two cars. I am not good with makes and models but they were big cars, like Plymouths or Fords or something, and quite frankly, I was just... confused.

I quickly went back to the livingroom and telephoned my husband at work and told him what happened. I then called my in laws and asked them. They said the same thing, that they were FBI and were looking for stolen property. They didn't seem to question it, but I was quite uneasy as time went by. I had a sense, something just told me, it had to do with my dream. The more time went by, weeks, months, I knew more and more, I became more convinced, it had something to do with that night.

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I am shaking a little as I wrote that, because that is one of the fears I had about posting. I have no idea who really reads these forums, but I have always been so terribly afraid to tell this to anyone for fear they may come back if I spoke about that night.

Yet and still, it's one of those hings that haunts you. You have to get it out some time, and cannot help but search for answers. My life now, has been spent with trying to discover similar events, similar sightings, just something that could make me feel not so alone in this.

I am now married to my second husban for 19 years. Twice we hve experienced something together. once, before we moved into our home where we now live, we were driving past the Atlanta International Airport one night. The kids were about 6 and 7 or so. We decided to go down to Airport Road and pull off and watch the planes come in to land.

We had pulled off, and it was very quiet and a nice still night. We waited for a while and saw a couple planes come in, then there was a lag where nothing happened a while. It was getting late and we were about to leave when all of a sudden, above us, there was this loud rushing sound. We all looked up and could see nothing, but by the same token, we all got scared and got immediately into the car and left. It sounded like something really .. big.. flew over us. nothing more, nothing less.

After we moved into our home, we had dinner on the back deck one night. We had taken the dishes in and gone back out to sit and star gaze a while, and chat. We were sitting in the dark when a light shot from the southern sky, directly over our house. it dipped down right over us, then bounced back up and shot northward beyond the roof of the house.

We all gasped and pointed at it, we all saw it, and it left just as quickly as it came, spanning miles in instants.

This brings me to recently. The children are grown and moved out, we live alone here. I work at night, and my husband works in the day.

He has been having something happen at night. He is sensing presences in the bedroom, but is unable to move. He has felt the blankets move, as though something was on the bed with him. Again, he is unable to move, and sometimes cannot even open his eyes. He is not one to be afraid of the dark, so he never has lights on at night when he sleeps, but the glow and ambient lights from the alarm clocks does light the room some. He seemed concerned enough to tell me about it, but has written it off as sleep paralysis. Me, not so much.

He seems to have no problem going back to sleep, and hardly even remembering it the next day. Sometimes, he doesn't even remember until something triggers it a few days later.

People say that when things happen to them, it changes their life. I have had things happen all my life, so nothing was really life changing for me except the whole demon fight dream thing, and then later the FBI guys. I still struggle to make some logical sense out of it, and perhaps it was really all a coincidence and they were really looking for stolen property, but considering too, the things I have experienced, all just doesn't smell right in Denmark.

Nothing has happened to me for a long time, not since the light on the back deck. My husband seems only mildly concerned about events he has spoken to me of, but I can't help but be fearful this isn't over yet. I hope and pray it is, because I would wish these things on no one, and I mean that as seriously as I can stress.

People that are looking, be sure you really want to find, because I don't think some divine being was coming to rescue me.. or us.

I look forward to your thoughts and replies, and even your questions.

Thank you for sharing your story. I have no answers for you because I have never experienced anything like that or have anyone I know experience that.
I really just wanted to let you know that I can understand you not wanting to open up about it but thank you again for doing so.
Peace to you and your family

Thank you for your kind reply, it was very nice to get such a nice reponse as my first. I will take that as encouraging.

I second Pale's response. I have no experience of this with which to make you feel validated or comforted and not so alone with it. But I think it was fascinating to read, and very brave of you to write all that. I am sure there will be people who know exactly what you speak of. And if that doesn't come from this forum, I know there will be people somewhere who will know of all this. Thank you for making the effort to write so much, you seem to be open to certain dark and scary realms. but I am also sure there are realms that are full of light beings and wonderful and peaceful as well. Don't give up on someone being able to validate all this....they will come.

reply to post by oneclickaway

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Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think even if I don't get validation as it were, that maybe seeing my experiences will do that for someone else, someone searching as I have been for so long. Though I would love for someone to say "Me too!", I doubt it would ever happen, and if I could even believe it if it did. How ironic, no?

To simply reach out to one person, and let them know they are not alone, would go a long ways towards making this all somehow seem worth it.

reply to post by Libertygal

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Awesome story, and you are a decent writer. It kept my ADD in check.

I don't have any input for you, nor can I validate such an expereince. I have had a few ghost experiences, but after much recent research, I too subscribe to the "Sleep Paralysis" explanation.

Again, thanks for sharing.

reply to post by sticky

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Your reply made me smile, thank you. I really rushed through the posts, because I was trying to get them all in fairly quickly, and yes I hand typed each one on line, rather than uploading them from a text file. I spoke from my heart, which left me feeling a bit "naked", as it were, but I am glad I did it.

Your title has done that for you, I'd say by confessing in this you have begun your search for the answer you are looking for. I have experienced may odd things myself, yours for me is certainly unique. I wish you the best in finding an answer.

Alot of what you said sounds familiar to me. Granted I've never been "attacked" to my memory but I have had several memories/events that had that "dream but not really a dream" quality to them.

From what you decribed the things that stick out for me are:

*The FBI cannot search yoru house without a warrant. If they were looking for stolen property they should have shown you a warrant. Also unless you are under arrest them telling you that you cannot make a phone call is absurd. Even if they were real FBI I agree that something is certainly not right about that situation...

*Being attacked in your bedroom... I dunno if it's the same kind of thing, but I've had several "experiences" where it seems like, SOMEONE, is running senarios on me. Like, I'll be put in a situation, sometimes it makes sense, sometimes not. (Like catching fish with my hands or dead relatives running me through gauntlet type tests.)

It feels like these things are tests to see what I'll do if I'm presented in different situations. Occasionally they repeat depending on what I do but they usually end in violence where I'm fighting/shooting monsters trying to protect my family or killing 1000's of little orange men who are chasing me.

In any case, thanks for telling your story. i know it's scary to "talk" about that sort of thing as the paranoia involved is very high. (Feeling like your watched/thinking there will be retaliation etc.) I'm feeling it right now because I'm getting hypnosis tomorrow to go into some of these vague memories I have. I've been almost expecting something to push on me to scare me out of doing it...

reply to post by The Real Josh

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Wow, you know, something you said in your post really made me stop and think, and in fact, I need to take some time to ponder this. Back about the time this all started, my family had a friend come to visit us quite frequently. His name is Kreskin, also known as "The Amazing Kreskin". It isn't so much that I forgot about him, because rather the opposite is true, I saw mention of him doing a show not long ago. I remember looking him up on Google and reminiscing some.

What I am considering now is, he is a very well known, and excellent hypnotist. He used to come over rather often and hypnotize our family members for fun and games. I watched him hypnotize my mother more times than I can count, and I am wondering now... maybe he hypnotized me too. Just... wow.

I remember after one time watching them for a while, I asked him to hypnotize me too. I remember my mother laughing and saying something like, "Yeah, hypnotize her to make her go do the dishes!"

I remember him doing some hypnotism stuff, telling me to go do the dishes with a good attitude and to whistle while you work! I humored them, and had grown bored, so thinking I would just play along and do the dishes so I could go do my own thing, I just left the living room. I never considered I had been hypnotized, I thought it was pretty crazy. I think I was 8 when this happened.

I am kind of speechless ATM. The ramifications in all aspects of this are astounding! I could think this out in any number of tangents, and some of them *quite* conspiratorially. That makes me a bit nervous.

I went to see a hypnotist once, to relive the UFO thing from Florida, but he couldn't hypnotize me. I just never really trusted hypnotists.

Good luck with yours, I hope to hear back to see how it goes.

Meanwhile, I need to think about contacting Kreskin. Hm. Or if I even should or not. I feel a bit wierd right now >.<

As for asking for the search warrant, that was on me, I didn't ask to see it and it wasn't offered. As I said in my post, I was pretty dumbfounded, and had absolutely nothing to hide. It was rather odd in retrospect that I pretty much just stood there and let it all happen. I was a bit offended when he wouldn't let me call my husband, but I shrugged it off thinking I would just wait till they left.

It is the retrospect of it all that makes the skin crawl, and honestly what makes the whole thing seem so creepy. It wasn't so creepy as it was happening. It became really freaky when I connected it to the "fight", and then I just went numb. Kinda like what happened thinking about Mr. Kreskin just now. Now I just need to think lol.

Thanks for your reply!

P.S. Just while thinking and writing this reply, I think I shall send him an email.

I don't have answers either, but I wish you the best.

If it ends up not being the hypnotist, you may want to start meditating if you don't already. You can ask for answers, and you will get them.

The weird thing I've read about, is that experiencers and abductees have agreed prior to incarnation to take part in these 'happenings.' Reasoning is to nudge you to 'wake up' and begin remembering that we are multi dimensional beings and that we are not alone here in the universe. Food for thought.