Rape of a Man: The Myths and Ugly Truths of Male Rape

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posted on Oct, 24 2009 @ 10:08 PM
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reply to post by OmegaLogos
 


Good grief, I am upset/sorry to hear you were the victim of a sexual assault. I really think if men would come forward with this as much as it happens, we would see statistics rise sharply. Women, too, have trouble coming forward with it at times. Many would just rather deal with it quietly and privately rather than be subjected to what the system still requires victims go through. It can be a horrible experience.

And certainly OL, sexual arousal during an assault does not mean
CONSENT. And many, many people don't want to admit to that, and consequently suffer enormous guilt from it. It is a physiological response; what the human body is wired to do. Simple.




posted on Oct, 25 2009 @ 01:42 AM
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reply to post by ladyinwaiting
 
Explanation:
I really appreciate your empathy/sympathy in this matter. Thank You!

Personal Disclosure: The experience was extreme and YES IT BROKE ME!
But I was NOT DESTROYED! I Survived! I then had the opportunity to REBUILD the foundations solid, deep and robust! I am so gratefull that someone else can see through the spin and the hype.


P.S. I recommend that all victims do need to allow the people that they choose to inform, to be entitled to their own feelings of outrage and distress or whatever, as by proxy they've been victimized by the perpetrator as well. WHY? Because we who are victims choose those people whome we can trust to talk to and these are usually people who care and love us very much and an assault on us is as much an assault on them as well, due to this emotion tie! Victims often don't want to talk because of how much they know that just informing others of such an incident is quite shocking and we don't feel we want to vitimize others by just opening up about it. Shape the conversation by testing the waters cautiously and prepare them for they are about to hear OK, then let them emote and be ready for it and when they've had the ability to express their pathos on what they've just been informed of RE: "Good grief, I am upset/sorry to hear you were the victim of a sexual assault.". Please let those whome, the victims inform, get their psyke stabilized and then they can support you back!


P.S. I'm really really disturbed on all levels that this thread was moved to BTS and that it is still here! I complained about it, but that was less than 24hrs ago and they [the ATS staff] do require 48hrs to consider it, so I'll just have to wait and see how it plays out. Maybe the move has done us a favour by insinuating a conspiracy to unfairly treat male rape as a less important than any other type of rape! The incongruence between how silo13's two threads on protecting oneself from rape are administrated SPEAKS VOLUMES! :shk:



posted on Oct, 25 2009 @ 08:43 AM
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reply to post by OmegaLogos
 


The response you have just made deserves an applause, as does this thread. I guess a standing ovation will have to do.

Your insight into this topic, OL, is amazing. You must have gone to threapy following your assault, or if you just worked through all these issues on your own, then you are truely awesome.

A victim of sexual assault may or may not disclose the details to anyone they choose. Even going to a private therapist does not mean you have to report to law enforcement. I typically ask if this has been done, and if they say no, they give the reason why, and I respect that.

For example, I recently had a young woman come to my office who had been raped by a "local celebrity" football player for a large University.
In no way did I encourage her to report this, because the media would have had a field day with it. So this is by far and large, the individual's decision.

The only time I am mandated to report, is if the assault involves a child.

We could start a whole thead on what happens when something is disclosed. To parents, spouses, lovers, law enforcement, all these can negatively impact the victim, and push them on over the line.

I've seen "perfect" cases, where everyone is supportive, and does what they are suppose to do. I've also seen nightmares. Spouses freak out and divorce the victim. Parent's refuse to let the teenage victim of date rape out of the house again. It's a very, very complicated matter. And it shouldn't be. It's a felony. A criminal assault.

You are so super, OL. (You gave me my first flag. Do you remember?) I wish you could find a rape clinic near you and volunteer. When they get a male rape vicitim, you could be of so much help because you have such a clear understanding of the issues.

I agree on this thread being in BTS? It's excellent, and a very serious topic. The conspiracy is of course, that male victims of sexual assault are less likely to recieve help than females, or disclose the victimization. It remarks about our culture, and stereotyping men as those who can independently handle anything, or too strong to be assaulted, and if they are, they asked for it, or they are secretly homosexual. It reeks.

You know darn well other males on ATS have read this thread who have been sexually assaulted, whether as children, adolescents or adults.

They are not even coming forward here. Not even behind their Mask. See, see what a what secret is it?



posted on Oct, 26 2009 @ 01:55 AM
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OL, you're to be applauded for your courage in relating your experience. Kudos to you.


The other male members on this board who continue to stoically hold it together even without the group hug are also to be commended. It's double tough to have the most life-altering experience be a traumatic one and have no one to confide in.

You have our respect.



posted on Jan, 3 2010 @ 04:14 PM
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Hi all, first than you to OmegaLogos, for showing me this post. Its not something one can talk about easily, I was a victim, which started as a child, and unfortunately continued as a young adult though by different people.

But i wonder if its still rape as a child, or is it seen in the eyes of society as child abuse, not that it matters, I am 45 now, and when this was happening as a child even the authorities saw it as a taboo thing, I know other people knew it was going on, even my own mother, but for her there was fear. I think it is what destroyed my relationship with her, because as I grew we had less and less to do with each other, for me it was because she refused to help, even though i knew she knew what was happening. But like i said, then it was taboo, as it is still very much today.

I actually accused someone else of doing this to me, I was less afraid of this man, at the time all i though it would do was stop it. It went to court and i as a 6 year old had to stand in the middle of the court in front of the judge and all those people and tell them what had happened to me, I understand they dont do that now, I think its done with cameras,i hope it is anyway. But i had to keep a level head and keep accusing the wrong person knowing that if i accused the right on, my life wouldn't be worth living, so i thought anyway. I left the court, and never saw the man again, to this day i live with the guilt of what i did, and it didn't even stop it. The person doing it, i think now, though he had got a way with it, and i guess he though he was invincible.

I was, and i suppose still am to some extent a very withdrawn person, and very much a loner, which i think was what got me free from it, about the age of 11 i started to go out on my own, playing in the woods i guess getting to know nature, animals, and stuff like that. the bullying continued though, so every excuse i got i was out. I was born with a condition known as club foot, so i couldn't walk until i was about 5, not properly anyway, and the person used to use it against me as a punishment, making me stand up straight in the corner until i couldn't do it any more and collapsed in agony, at which point i was made to go to my bed for the rest of the day. Again where was my mum, sitting with him and going along with it all the time.

I started to fight back when i was about 12, I know its not normal for a child to hit out or even attempt to hit out at a fully grown man, but i had to show that i had had enough and wasn't going to stand for it. I got my beating though for doing that, not just from him, but from my mother as well. which to this day i dont understand, i was of the impression that mums were supposed to look after their children. Again like i said it was all different back then, and not talked about.

I left home when i was 15 to work with and look after disabled people in a local home. unfortunately for me, it took a long time for my voice to break, so i sounded very camp up to the age of about 20, but as a younger lad, i liked to go out to pubs, and luckily got in some of them, unluckily for me that was when it started again, because of my voice i think. I got drunk one night i was about 17 i guess, and this guy decided he liked me, and took advantage of the fact i was not able to care for myself, he took me home in his car and the rest as they say is history.

He dropped me off at work the next day, I can remember not wanting to go in, as the people i looked after were all male, and it just made me feel sick for what i had to face. I couldn't go to the police, i was only 17, i would have got in to trouble for being in the pub in the first place, or so i thought at the time.

Any way i did go in eventually. It took me years to come to terms with what had happened to me, i found myself hating gay people, I know they are not all the same, i have a few gay friends now, and they dont fancy me, so its all good and safe. The biggest thing was i think it made me grow in ways i may not have, I dont hat gay people im not really homophobic, i am just very arms length if you understand.

Some closure for me was the mad who attacked me as a child, I stood at the bottom of his dying bed, and looked in to his eyes as he died, and silently in my head, i forgave him for what his did, in fact i felt very sorry for him, and wondered if this was some kind of punishment for his actions, i see that it was not now, but the feeling that he could never do it again was good enough for me.

My voice finally broke when i was about 25, and i sounded like a real man, one evening i met up with the guy who took advantage of me some years earlier, and i gave him the biggest thrashing he had ever had, I still see him now, but he avoids me like im the beast.

I have had eight children of my own, I love them all more than life, and have protected them some would say to much from being hurt by anyone. 4 of them are grown up and having children of their own, some live away as a result of divorce, and my two babies live with me and my soul mate, I would kill before letting anyone hurt or abuse my children, or anyone else's for that matter.

But was it rape, I never thought of it that way, but i guess it was, did it make me a better person, I think it did. I have had a councillor, i'm not sure that did any good though. I think it was my own live, and the way i looked at it, determined to never ever let that happen to anyone while i was around. My children are happy and safe. and thats all that really counts to me now.

Thank you for this thread, i dont often talk about this, but just in case there is someone out there finding it hard, i just wanted to say there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there are ways to deal with it. I wish you good health S&F for the thread. Neo
sorry for any spelling mistakes and sorry for going on a bit.





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