Should I give up?

I have had very bad luck with women.

I'm starting to think all my friends and my brother had it right, that just sleeping around while you are young is the way to go. I could never let myself become one of them though.

I have been cheated on three times and the most recent hurt very bad.
I'm a wreck right now, and it's probably been almost two months.

I was with her for almost three and a half years, and it had to end like this. I should've ended it before I got hurt bad and I knew it.

Before this relationship I went for three years or longer without so much as a kiss, by choice. I got fed up with getting crushed and I wanted nothing to do with it. and the possible bull# that comes with the territory. Now that I look back I can't believe that I did it, I don't know how I did. In that time I denied more than a few girls.

Part of me wants to do that again, but the majority of my mind wants to go out and meet someone else. In my mind this was a long time coming. I don't know what to do.
I have yet to meet an honest, sane and overall good woman. This last one was the craziest of them all, but I loved her. She was actually crazy, but not that bad I guess.

I was so close to getting arrested over this, but he's not worth it. He knew we were together, but everyone tells me it's not his fault at all. Ok yeah right.

We did fight a lot for a while, but it was mostly her fault. I know that sounds ridiculous. I gladly accept and admit when i'm wrong. She never took responsibility for her actions or saw the wrong in her doings. She flat out refused to admit wrong ever. I have never met someone that would do something and it's totally obvious that it happened that way, but they will swear up and down it didn't happen like that. It's frustrating to say the least.

I never treated anyone as good as I did her. At times it made me feel like I wasn't a man because of how open I was with my feelings and emotions. I have never been like that with anyone except her.
She had quite a bit of problems, and I guess I thought I could save her and make her see the light, but I failed.
[edit on 4-10-2009 by tompumped]

[edit on 4-10-2009 by tompumped]

It sounds like you are really good at picking the wrong type of girl. I've been there. I just kept meeting loser after loser, but I didn't even keep picking the same type of crappy guys. I made ALL NEW MISTAKES EACH TIME. (Lucky me.) I've dated the abuser, the alcoholic, the unable-to-keep-a-job type, the cheater, the womanizer, the perfect-but-not-into me guys. Man I dated them all.

My advice? Keep your chin up. DON'T PUNISH YOURSELF FOR PAST MISTAKES, just learn from then and move on. Try to figure out why you keep having the same problem. Do you pick really cute girls? Try an average type. Do you like the popular ones? Try a wallflower. Do you pick the ones with low self esteems? Try a confident one.

If you need to take a break from it all, that's okay too.

I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER. I finally found myself a husband who isn't any of the things I listed above. You know what I did? I found someone completely unlike anyone I've ever dated.

Good luck. May your pain lessen and your joy begin. You'll find her.

sounds like you suck at choosing women.

i have the answers brother.
as older as u get,the more attention from the women you get XD
when theyr 16,most of them are just horny kids,they will cheat on you,or be madly in love with you,playing the house/married game,talking about like "ur her husband"
just get a little arrogant,and dont fall in love with easy,keep the anger and hurt,and use it to shield and protect your self from bi***
u can go to a prostitute anytime,as for a relationship,when u meet a nice girl that likes what u like (things in common) go for it,if shes starting to be more cold,as u start to be more nicer to her,screw her..shes a 16 your old emo queen

reply to post by Morbo the Annihilator


Thanks for the kind words I could understand why I had problems when I was younger, but now i'm 24.
I'm not 16. I expect things to be different.

reply to post by Stillalive


I will not fall in love again easily if I ever do. She was fairly immature. Actually hanging out with her friends was painful. I haven ever met a group of more immature girls. She was younger than me also, you are probably right. She was 17 when we started dating.
I hung out with a lot of different groups of people growing up and many different chicks. I had a party house. I found that most girls are just horny and they just want sex. I don't know what i'm doing especially after seeing it first hand.
I should go back to college and just go nuts and have fun, but at the same time get an education.

Originally posted by tompumped

Thanks for the kind words I could understand why I had problems when I was younger, but now i'm 24.
I'm not 16. I expect things to be different.

Are you kidding? Some of the crappiest guys I dated after I was 25. Age is just a number. For me, even guys that were 28, 30, still might as well have been 12 - that's how old they acted.

Do like me - look for someone older. I got tired of all the games and immaturity and I married someone 10+ years older. MADE A HUGE DIFFERENCE!

You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs...plenty of fish in the sea....there's a reason these are old sayings....it's because they are true.

Take a break if you need to...but you'll saddle up again, no doubt....

reply to post by tompumped


I'm now 42, married, and in graduate school for Psychology, but when I was in my early 20s gosh did I know how to pick the BAD ones! Every woman I dated managed to take advantage of me, use all my money, make me feel bad about myself.

What I later recognized is that it wasn't their fault at all! It was my fault. I was raised Christian and "too nice" and I really didn't learn how to "man up" until later, after getting taken advantage of in like 6 relationships.

I broke up with a woman who had convinced me to get engaged to her. After a year and a half of her beating me down psychologically I FINALLY had had enough. When I broke up with her she FREAKED!!!! She tore her shirt off (because it was mine) and walked out into the street half naked! She told me she would kill herself, but by that time I had HAD IT! I said, "Do what you gotta do." and I walked away. She didn't kill herself, it was just the last straw attempt to control me.

If I had gone to speak with a therapist about this all those years ago it would have saved me years of horrible relationships. Understanding my "family of origin" and the dynamics involved there truly made a huge difference in how I got treated and what I need emotionally from a significant other.

Good luck mate

It all just means you havent met the right one yet.

Dont give up. I made a few disasterous choices in my younger years too...was cheated on twice and emotionally blackmailed more times than I can remember. It happens to both sexes (I am female). My mum used to tell me that the more you give, the better the reward, but the bigger the risk of being hurt. Its the chance we take when we let someone into our hearts.

So, try not to focus on trying to find love or too much time dwelling on what has happened in the past. Keep an open mind and open heart.

Thats just my 2 cents anyway.

Sure, give up.

I mean...if one girl didn't work out, why bother? That means there's really nobody else out there for you. Definitely hit it and quit it.

-eyeroll-

But seriously, come on. You seem like a romantic guy. Would you honestly be happy sleeping around with a bunch of dumb sluts with whom you never have or never will have any emotional or mental connection with?

From experience I can tell you it gets boring. After my boyfriend of three years or so cheated on me, I decided to play around a little. Got really boring really quick.

Sure, your sexual needs are satisfied but...that's about it.

But do what you want, OP.

Holy crap, 24 and worried about that?

You're still a damn kid.

Why is it kids think they have to end their young happy lives so early?

How are you going to find the right person for you when you don't even know who you are yet?

Don't be in such a rush. It gives the opposite sex all of the advantages and puts you on the begging end of everything.

Keep in mind when finding that someone special, need to communicate about one of the biggest thing that can destroy a relationship, and what is needed.
When men receive respect, they respond in love. When women receive love they begin to respect. It creates a healthy cycle. The opposite is also true, most of us react rather than respond resulting in the following; when men feel disrespected they act unloving by shutting down or acting out aggressively. When women feel unloved they disrespect, such as nagging or using condescending tones. Understanding these differences can bridge the gap between us and it is in our power to change it.
Let’s face it Men and Women will flirt it is being human I guess but have respect for our spouses and keep the flirting to a non sexual aspect. He will love you for it and she will respect you for it.
Red flags go up when the flirting is of a sexual nature….something to think about, if a man or a woman flirts in a sexual way with someone it is because they are attracted to the person. Because let’s face it if a man or woman is not attracted to someone the chances of them flirting is less likely not to happen. So when the flirting that is sexual it dose hurt your partner and will bring down their self esteem and will destroy the relationship in time so if that is not the attention keep the flirting to non sexual.
Just a thought.

Women are largely overrated at such an age, forget they exist and work on education and developing a career. After that they will come out of the wood work as the biological clocks start telling them its time to settle down and reproduce, at that point you hold all the cards because you are the one with stability, good income, etc and not being driven by a biological imperative. Even better would be to shed this notion that you need someone else 'to complete you' or any of the other moronic clichés.

Fun and semi-unrelated fact: there are approximately 17 million available females in the US between the ages of 20 and 34, quite a large pond to be fishing for 'the one' in huh?

[edit on 2/25/2010 by Helig]

OP, you also need to take a hard look at this...

1) Is there something you are doing or not doing, that is making these gals cheat on you? Do they ever give you any reasons? Do their friends know why? May be tough to hear, but you need to know. You also have to ask yourself these questions...

2) Are there some qualities all of these gals had in common? Maybe some of these points are also indicative of the lack of faithfulness....and you may want to consider changing some of the qualities you look for.

3) Where/how did you meet these gals? Is that maybe the source of the problem?

No need to give up...sure, you can go through many bad relationships, but once you find the ONE, it's all worth it...