Today, I find out if I'm going to die. It's not going to be anytime soon!

As some may know, I've been battling abdominal "issues" for over a month. Tests, tests, tests, tests. Good news, bad news, good news, bad news.

Today, I finally get to find out if I have pancreatic cancer.

Not a good one to get. But what the hell. It's not like we get to decide.

At the same time, I have been actively interviewing for a new job in Alaska. My dream job, in a dream state.

I put this in this forum because I'm not sure if my actions are a result of denial (something my wife is actively persuing) or optimism.

I'd like to think the latter.

What is behind that veil? Do I really care? With the pain meds I'm on now, with a healthy dose of scotch, I really don't care anymore.

If I get good news today, then my family is taken care of, I will be able to support them still.

If it's bad news today, then they will still be taken care of. I have a HUGE policy out on me.

Is the way I'm facing impending "doom" normal? (Who gives a f###?) Should I rage against "The dying of the light?"

Either way, I'm still gonna hug my kids and be a decent person.

Death can kiss my ass.

Thanks for letting me share.

ps, creepy as hell if I could log on in the afterlife, huh?

[edit on 2-10-2009 by mikerussellus]

I won't trivialize your situation, but, you and I think very much alike. It's not the fact that we're all going to die of something, but, the fact that we're all going to die...period. It's how we face that reality that makes the difference. I think you're facing your mortality standing up and looking it dead in the eye!

I hope you get the good news, my friend, but, if you don't, I think you have a good grasp of it in the long run.

Here's to good news

Hang in there brotha,
Cuhail

reply to post by mikerussellus


I will start by wishing you good luck today, and finish by saying how much I admire your attitude !!!

reply to post by mikerussellus


Good luck with the medical news mate. I truly hope it's nothing serious!

IRM

reply to post by Cuhail


Thanks.

Yeah, if the news isn't good then I'm going to fight. Not going to be stupid about it, but might get a few credit cards and blow my frequent flyer points.

My 6 year old has been my anchor, he doesn't know. Don't want to scare him. He just thinks it neat that daddy is home all the time now. We play, do homework, I'd want him to be my legacy.

Good luck my friend.
If it is something serious you can lean on us if you need.
i have no clue what you might be going through so I can't give alot of advice to you.
You'll be in my thoughts today.
Good luck man.

reply to post by InfaRedMan


reply to post by frostback



Thanks to you both. It's going to be an interesting day, regardless.

reply to post by mikerussellus


Sending you my good thoughts today.

I hope the news turns out to be good for you and your family!

Originally posted by DrumsRfun
Good luck my friend.
If it is something serious you can lean on us if you need.
i have no clue what you might be going through so I can't give alot of advice to you.
You'll be in my thoughts today.
Good luck man.

Appreciate it. I'm meeting the morning with a hug from my kid, a pain pill, and some scotch in my tea.

Why the hell not?

And I posted this today to meet it head on.

I figured I could rely on my friends at ATS for support.

Mike- tis cliche to say live every day as if it were your last.
Truth is, you can be healthy as a horse, and get hit by a bus.
This is a bump in your road, and nothing more.
Take the dream job..and get busy living.

reply to post by Anjin


Thank you. It's almost tougher on my wife than it has been for me. (?)

I haven't forgotten how crappy this can be for a spouse. She'll be the one celebrating today.

Me? I have another job to prepare for.

No matter the results you receive today, it's good news. There are no coincidences in this world... if your test comes back positive, you've done your job in this existence and you should feel lucky and excited to see what's up next. If your test comes back negative, then through this whole ordeal you should know you've learnt some important and necessary things about your existence in this life, and as a result will live out your 'mission' here -- whatever that may be, with much more ease and satisfaction.

In a way I envy you, no matter what they tell you today. Your at the peek -- the business end of your existence in this plane. Exciting stuff!

reply to post by mikerussellus



Good luck friend and I wish you the best with your situation, GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND TRY TO KEEP YOU HOPES AND POSITIVE ENRGY UP it helps with INTERNAL HEALING.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

My Granddad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this past March so I have somewhat of an idea what your going through.

Originally posted by AccessDenied
Mike- tis cliche to say live every day as if it were your last.
Truth is, you can be healthy as a horse, and get hit by a bus.
This is a bump in your road, and nothing more.
Take the dream job..and get busy living.

That's how I'm planning it. Might even go to Walmart today.

(We need soap)

But we'll have fun, laugh, and dream.

Thanks.

either way Mike, heres to ya =)

btw...its possible to log in, in the afterlife, but S.O. Changes your password,

I hope you get good news bud. I think we all do, and with you being comfortable enough to share this, you already know that. *fingers crossed*

Originally posted by lucentenigma
Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

My Granddad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this past March so I have somewhat of an idea what your going through.

Thanks.

Weird huh? First time in my life a doc "OFFERED" me drugs.

Originally posted by Navieko
No matter the results you receive today, it's good news. There are no coincidences in this world... if your test comes back positive, you've done your job in this existence and you should feel lucky and excited to see what's up next. If your test comes back negative, then through this whole ordeal you should know you've learnt some important and necessary things about your existence in this life, and as a result will live out your 'mission' here -- whatever that may be, with much more ease and satisfaction.

In a way I envy you, no matter what they tell you today. Your at the peek -- the business end of your existence in this plane. Exciting stuff!

I've faced everything in my life head on. This is going to be no different.

Might even go bungie-jumping later.

Thanks

Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
reply to post by mikerussellus

 

Good luck friend and I wish you the best with your situation, GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND TRY TO KEEP YOU HOPES AND POSITIVE ENRGY UP it helps with INTERNAL HEALING.

Thank you. Alwways high spirits in my house.

I raised my kids to never have regrets, ALWAYS remember, but no regrets.

Originally posted by Remixtup
either way Mike, heres to ya =)

btw...its possible to log in, in the afterlife, but S.O. Changes your password,

I hope you get good news bud. I think we all do, and with you being comfortable enough to share this, you already know that. *fingers crossed*

If I can log in, will change my user ID to "snarkydeadguy"

Thanks.
Mike