posted on Oct, 2 2009 @ 08:44 AM
As some may know, I've been battling abdominal "issues" for over a month. Tests, tests, tests, tests. Good news, bad news, good news, bad
Today, I finally get to find out if I have pancreatic cancer.
Not a good one to get. But what the hell. It's not like we get to decide.
At the same time, I have been actively interviewing for a new job in Alaska. My dream job, in a dream state.
I put this in this forum because I'm not sure if my actions are a result of denial (something my wife is actively persuing) or optimism.
I'd like to think the latter.
What is behind that veil? Do I really care? With the pain meds I'm on now, with a healthy dose of scotch, I really don't care anymore.
If I get good news today, then my family is taken care of, I will be able to support them still.
If it's bad news today, then they will still be taken care of. I have a HUGE policy out on me.
Is the way I'm facing impending "doom" normal? (Who gives a f###?) Should I rage against "The dying of the light?"
Either way, I'm still gonna hug my kids and be a decent person.
Death can kiss my ass.
Thanks for letting me share.
ps, creepy as hell if I could log on in the afterlife, huh?
[edit on 2-10-2009 by mikerussellus]