Surviving a Brutal Attack! A First Hand Account, Mine

For anyone who has had to deal with these nightmare experiences, my heart goes out to you. For anyone questioning why these types of threads exist on ATS, you are either young and naive or simply have no compassion for your fellow man.

I think it is extremely important that people share their experiences. It is also important to have different opinions on what worked for them. Starred and flagged!

For the victoms, it is common to blame yourself, though it is not true. It is not your fault that some whacko did what they did. Thanks for the courage and strength you victoms have shown here.

wow!

i wish no one had to tell a story like this. i applaud you for your bravery.

S&F

To answer a couple of questions, no this SOB was never caught! 2 detectives remained on the case for 10 months. I was able to give a composite drawing and posters were placed all over the fan district in the City of Richmond.

6 months after this occurred the police picked up a serial rapist. I was asked to view a lineup. Each one of the suspects repeated the words said to me continuously, " Shut Up Bitch! I'm Going To Kill You! " Unfortunately, it was not him. As much as I wanted it to be, I was not about to convict an innocent man just so I could have closure.

To address a couple of questions: Yes, if you are outside and grabbed and your assailant tries to take you to another location, by all means fight like hell!
But in my case, he was already in my room and crouched on the floor. When I screamed he came at me from the side of my bed. I was flat on my back so I only had my upper body strength to fight with. Try this position, it is very difficult to get any power behind a punch! This is why I was overpowered so quickly. He had brass knuckles and had hit me so hard I had the imprint embedded on my temple. His intention was to sneak in and be on top of me before I woke up. I screwed up his plan! It was after the last blow, that I realized, by trying to hurt him I was just pissing him off!
That is when I stopped fighting physically.

The entire time I was locked in there with him, he threatened to kill me over and over. Also kept calling out to his gang that it was their turn. They were supposedly outside my bedroom window.

Yes, I agree there comes a point when you realize you are going to die and you know that it is now or never. That is when I jumped in his face and started screaming and cussing him out. As I mentioned before I was locked in my house; deadbolts and he had the keys! I convinced him to open the door so his friends could come in! That is when I made my move and knew they would find my body in the doorway. At that point I no longer cared! Like I have said the will to survive is uncontrollable!

I think anyone who has ever faced a life or death situation will tell you, there comes a time when it is all or nothing, the question is "What will you do?"

I want to reiterate if you lived through it, then you did everything right!!

This thread has nothing to do with stars or flags. I made it because I felt it important enough to share some ideas of what is possible in an impossible situation. There is misinformation about rape in general, why not get some facts based on experience.

Thank you to everyone who has had the courage to share their personal painful stories. Just know, you are not alone! You are not victims, but survivors.

Pax

I feel proud to associate myself with such brave company as the women of ATS consistently demonstrate. And you guys who were not ashamed to admit that you too were vulnerable to violent attacks.

Kudos and blessings to all of you.



[edit on 2-10-2009 by whitewave]

reply to post by whitewave


Back at cha Whitewave! You bring up a good point. This is for all the naive women out there.

If you think "this kind of thing doesn't happen to girls like you" you are kidding
yourself. I used to think this way! I was in my early 20's, tending bar and college. Had just made a decision to move to ST. Thomas Virgin Islands.

In a few seconds, my life changed! As did the lives of everyone I was close to.
Be aware, this kind of thing happens often:

Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted

link:www.rainn.org...

It was determined, that I was being stalked at the time. In fact this guy followed me out that night and was hiding in my apt. when I arrived back home! This was very well planned, I do believe his intentions were to leave me for dead. I know one thing, what I felt and saw in his eyes, I have never experienced again. Pure unadulterated evil! Very difficult to put into words.

My heart goes out to each of you, who have been the target of violent crime!
I have found a few here who went through worse than me.

I commend each of you who have had the courage to share.

Kindly,
Pax

edit for grammar

[edit on 3-10-2009 by paxnatus]

im really glad u survived and shared what hell u went thru.
it's a very inspirational story.

[edit on 3-10-2009 by platipus]

S & F

You are one strong, level-headed woman, and I believe that these qualities saved your life.

Your bravery humbles me, thank you.

There is a little part of me saying that this is a story, but if so, you should write it.

And if not, I salute you.

reply to post by paxnatus

I want to reiterate if you lived through it, then you did everything right!!

This really sums up everything that I could possibly say.

reply to post by paxnatus


Dear Paxnatus,

I have a question. How did you feel the first 2 days after the attack?
When I was robbed, I only suffered minor injuries and I was feeling very good the next day, which was very strange to me after having such an experience.
Later I had troubles dealing with the trauma. There was a period that I would barricade the front door before I went to sleep.

BTW
Here is a video for those who can't imagine how something like that is like.
The woman is very brave and gets away unharmed because she remains calm. She continues her work as if nothing happened. This video might shock you a little but there is nothing graphic. It is supposed to shock you so you can imagine how something like that feels.
media.abovetopsecret.com...

I honestly dont believe you could talk about such an experience in such context so without being offensive i'm actually finding it hard to believe you.

However it is a good read and good advice.

Not calling you a liar, just in my personal beliefs and what i have seen and experienced before i cant see someone openly talk about something like this, i've seen people unable to walk for months after being raped and such, because of the psychological side, not the physical.

Dont take this personal as it isnt, just my view.

Originally posted by Concept X
I honestly dont believe you could talk about such an experience in such context so without being offensive i'm actually finding it hard to believe you.

However it is a good read and good advice.

Not calling you a liar, just in my personal beliefs and what i have seen and experienced before i cant see someone openly talk about something like this, i've seen people unable to walk for months after being raped and such, because of the psychological side, not the physical.

Dont take this personal as it isnt, just my view.

Every person deals with it on his own way. I agree with you that most people can't deal with such an experience. Something traumatic like that can be compared with an disaster or a road accident. Many people panic as well, but some remain calm. My ex girlfriend has become psychotic and suffers from the borderline syndrome, because she was raped when she was 11 years old. She has lost her mind completely, so bad that she flipped out against one of my pets, she caged it and stabbed it several times while I was away. The cat was very lucky and survived.

And like I said before:

If it doesn't break you, it makes you tougher!!!

Originally posted by Concept X
I honestly dont believe you could talk about such an experience in such context so without being offensive i'm actually finding it hard to believe you.

However it is a good read and good advice.

Not calling you a liar, just in my personal beliefs and what i have seen and experienced before i cant see someone openly talk about something like this, i've seen people unable to walk for months after being raped and such, because of the psychological side, not the physical.

Dont take this personal as it isnt, just my view.

I appreciate you being honest. I wish this was not the case, and all I've said was not true, but it is.

There has been a lot of healing that has taken place in my life, this is just a piece of my life it is not the single event that defines my life. I decided a long time ago that I could let this crush me or I could find a way to get up and keep going, I chose the latter.

I didn't share this for shock value or sympathy. I shared because there was something I did right. I'm trying to show when faced with an impossible situation there are possibilities that exist if you remain calm, use your head and think.

I had a tremendous support system, but there are residual effects. I suffer with PTSD at times but it is manageable . I also speak at self defense groups to make people aware of the simple fact, "this could be you". I can talk about this, because I am not ashamed, nor do I carry any guilt for what I went through. I do not think myself special or heroic for living through this.
I'm not the only one something like this has happened to. Why not in the face of tragedy try and find something good.

Suffering makes us grow in our compassion to others. It is a necessary part of life. I lived for a reason! I will never take that for granted and will continue on this journey until my Creator says my time is up.

Thank you, for your comments and your candid opinion.

Pax

[edit on 3-10-2009 by paxnatus]

Bless you for your courage in telling your story to try and help others. I could not bare to finish the story being as sensative as I am. I believe this telling to help others will be a grand form of therapy for you.

reply to post by Erich Kemper

Dear Paxnatus,

I have a question. How did you feel the first 2 days after the attack? When I was robbed, I only suffered minor injuries and I was feeling very good the next day, which was very strange to me after having such an experience.

Later I had troubles dealing with the trauma. There was a period that I would barricade the front door before I went to sleep.

Hello Erich,

Immediately following this attack, say the first 72 hours, I had intense feelings of peace, almost elation! I would attribute this to shock, which I was definitely in; head trauma, i had a serious concussion, yet I was alive and I knew how fortunate I was. I was never alone a minute, and the unconditionally love of friends and family! There was no time for me to think about it.

I think it took almost 4 days for me to start feeling the magnitude of what happened. Then I was plagued with nightmares, flashbacks, and even hallucinations at one point.

Fortunately, this did not last long probably a month but at the time it seemed like a lifetime.

Gradually, these feelings began to fade and I started coping. I have been through years of intense therapy to work through this. Something that was very difficult but so very necessary.

I would like to add, when the event was actually taking place, it was as if time stood still. Everything happened in 'slow motion' as I moved, I can remember feeling like I was walking in quick sand.

With the trauma you experienced, did the same thing happen regarding time?

Thank you, for your courage! I cannot imagine having this happen, and I really can't fathom having it happen twice!! I admire your will power, and your courage!

Don't hold on to your anger, you have to work through it or it will consume you!

Sincerely,
Pax

Wow, powerful story. My heart goes out to you. Talking to him, taking him out of his primal drive mode, was very smart. You pulled him out of his imaginary world. Many rapes go unreported and I'll be you were not his first rape. To not report a rape causes others to be raped and the quiet victim is partially to blame.

Paxnatus

Being a man I must apologize for what that individual did to you and what unnecessary emotions you have been subjected to. I read your initial post only a few minutes ago and it really saddens me that this happens..... For all the of 'I'd have shot him or kicked him in the nuts or grabbed a handful',,, it doesn't come close to the sheer terror caused by the invasion of personal space and I would NOT be adverse to the punishment of DEATH to those individuals who FAIL to control themselves in this way...
I think your recollection, and those of others whom have had similar experiences, your story shows Character and strength far STRONGER and DEEPER than those who commit these crimes...!

I hope that you can live your life stronger in the knowledge that the vast majority of GOOD people in the world ( and I include myself in that group) can understand the situation you found yourself in and will ALWAYS SUPPORT you in the future...

BEST REGARDS

PurpleDOG UK

reply to post by crichton13


What's this doing on ATS besides being a community service and a woman baring her soul to everyone?

What kind of conspiracy is this?

It's a conspiracy of being victimized by a sob that is bigger, stronger and has an advantage over you and taking the most personal of liberties with you, possibly with the intent of killing you.

I sincerely hope you never have to go through this or you wouldn't have asked.

The people that come on here, men included, because men too are victimized - have just told you how to possibly survive if this should happen to you.

And, I've been there, Pax's advice is right on, that's how I survived. But each monster is different, you have to figure out and quickly what makes him tick, you will feel it in your gut, how to talk to him.

I once had a car pull up with four men and a BIG gun held at me and told to get in. My gut told me, no - you get in you will really get messed up and killed slowly.

I chose to say, "No thank you" in a very humble, friendly way, turned around and calmly walk off thinking that any moment my head was going to be blown off. However my choice, at that time, was a quick death vs a slow being raped and than killed by four men.

And yes, at times like that, your entire life does flash before your eyes.

They drove off laughing but that experience was traumatic.

As far as children being sexually abused, I was for 11 years. I tried to reach out to no avail.

Teachers never asked why I fell asleep in class or acted out, they didn't care. Most children, at least back decades ago were taught to be seen and not heard and when it came to the word of an adult vs a kid, the adult always, where I came from had more credit.

Some victims are so embarrassed and believe they brought it upon them self that they don't know what to do so it continues.

Read Meg Tilly's book, "Singing Songs".

Now, I'm 59.

I'm taking ongoing lessons with various fire arms and own one. My trainer says I've very good.

Any predator that breaks into my home will get it right in the heart and head and I will make sure the sucker is dead so that he can never victimize another person again.

It's all about the power, not the sex.

This is a real conspiracy because so many men, women and children are victimized sexually the stats aren't even coming close because most don't report it.

All this coming from a woman that still feels remorse hitting and killing a little field mouse with my broom 30+ years ago.

(I was baby sitting several very small ones, sleeping in cribs in the next room and feared the mouse running up the crib and biting one of them).

Get this though, if you hurt him and don't hurt him bad enough, he will really give it to you so if you have a gun, shoot to kill.

If you have a bat or knife, sorry - most men are a lot stronger than most women and a bat or knife can be taken away from and then used on you.

Gouging the eyes and twisting the testicles might work, but, if you are a woman alone (I have a husband with really good hearing and he sleeps closest to the door.)

Some women alone might consider getting two things, a big German Shepard and a gun and learn how to train the dog and use the gun.

We had a Shepard Husky that put himself between my husband and a kid (gangster type) some years back and for the first and only time, Sinbad barred his two inch fangs and let out a growl that literally rattled the windows...........I believe Sinbad smelled a gun.

The kid left really quick.

One last thing. Be aware of your surroundings and when you go to bed at night, if you can, we have a solid oak wood bedroom door (all our interior doors are solid oak) and lock it.

Have your cell phone right next to you.

If you have to walk out to a parking lot at night, you can ask a guard, manager or fellow employee to accompany you.

Have your keys jutting out in between each finger like claws and always look in the back seat of your car before you get in.

Normally I'm a nice, peaceful person, but I was sexually abused for 11 years and than once after that.

No more!

If there is a next time, either him or I are going down.

One of us is not walking away.

Thank you Pax and everyone else that has had the guts to bare their sorrow and share experiences and solutions.

This is what ATS is about.

This one single thread may have saved a life or another soul being scarred.

reply to post by Concept X

Evidently you've never been there or had that done to you.

Talking about it is therapy in a way, besides, knowing that you are possibly helping someone else from having such a horrendous thing happen to them by virtue of passing on how you survived is healing onto itself.

I really hope you never have to go through something like this.

And Pax said something that rings true, when it happens to you - time ceases to exist, everything is in slow motion.

Up until recently this was a taboo subject.

Heck, when I was in nursing 40+ years ago, a rape victim, bruised around the neck, black eye, busted out tooth and bleeding was treated by the police like she "asked for it".

People are waking up that this type of crime isn't about sex - it's about power over someone.